Thetownend.com

Right, there can be no fun until all the pre-match chores are done. Feel free to add to the list.

PRE-MATCH
--------------
- KOT - Official matchday thread starter. Don't oversleep and let somebody spoil it. If you could stay up on Friday night until 00:00.01 that would reduce the risk.

-STFC Dave - Fans motivational speech maker. Your Charlton effort was good, but we need more. I want our fans whipped into a frenzy, a speech wothy enough to turn even the pastiest faced veggie tree hugging day tripper into a snarling singing machine that thinks a blue steak is overdone.

-Birdy & Sussex - crowd fluffers. Just in case Dave forgets we need something to get the crowd going.

JFW - Party Coordinator. Take a big handbag. Steal as many vol-au-vonts (or any assorted canopes) as you can. We may need them to soak up the beer should we win.

The Norweigan Viking Army - Security. Wear your scariest viking clothes. Hang around in the Green man and make sure them Millwall lot don't try and intimidate us. Cut off their heads and steal their women if they do (longboat parking still available at the green man). If you all turn out to be one of Sotton's imaginary internet persona I'll be more than dissapointed (though good work on the Norweigan website if it is Sutton).

DV - Official Statto - I need at least a squillion stats that will prove that there is no point in Millwall even getting off the coach.

Arriba - Designated moaner. I know its unfair for you to get this job but someone has to do it. If you do everyones share of moaning for them pre-match maybe we'll get it out the way and I won't be sat by them at Wembley.

Leefer - Sherper TomTom. Do something amusing on the way to Wembley. I need Leefer stories to make any loss seem not quite as bad. Not that we will lose.

Neville - TEF press officer. We need as many pun headlines as possible in order to beat the Adver into submission. Start with the benchmark "Charlie wants to beat Wembley Arch rivals" and up it from there.

Si_Pie - Chief science officer. I expect to see a full catalog of facebook pictures and comments by 2:59. Think of the poor mites that can't make it; talking of which:

SIPPO - Chief jellyfish impersonator. Not sure why we need a jellyfish, but your lack of backbone may come in handy :) Enjoy entertaining the outlaws.

HERTHAB - erm, spend time working out how they build the pyrmaids. It'll keep your mind off more mportant matters.

LUCI - International ambassedor.  Try and make our poor cousins understand how important Saturday is and how much you have given up by going to some weading or other.

Bangkok red/china red/NZRobin : keep the matchday thread going....

Woohoo - day off!

Tans - Scapegoat allocator. If things go wrong we need an official pre-prepared list of excuses at to why the best team lost.

Very good. :clap:

tans, how do you get a day off, I thought you're a professional Pete Burns look alike? :)

ralphy - don't get shanked by 'wall

:D

Pfft, Jfw doesn't even get the Vol-au-vents free.

Very good batch, although i can barely speak gibberish, let alone norwegian.

OK job swap Nemo can steal Volovonts! I'll co- ordinate outfits make sure everyone is sutibly dressed?? No moobs on show etc etc?

Yes, but only if you can get Nemo to look right with a handbag.

 :D

a Satchel maybe??? everyones a winner?? Indiana Jones wears one?


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THERE ARE SKILLS IN THERE

Very good JFW, you are now our official "Gok Wan but better". Shame you aren't Gok himself. His shoplifing skills would come in handy for the food too.

But Nemo is on vol-au-vents now.


Paul D - Professional Scouser, with special attachment and advisor in chief to Nemo . Your roots must mean you have the 'scouse borrow' gene.

Fred E - Eppy Advisor. I expect a full instructional video on how to throw a proper eppy at the ref when he makes the wrong descision.

RobertT - Just enjoy the happy clappy crowd element. Live the Loud and Proud dream.

Ill be Gok Wan without the stealing!

Good work Batch

"Swindon take Mill to the Wall."

"Swindon's White army stays cool and smashes Lion's pride"

"Lions sent back to the Den by Danny's mane attraction"


More to follow.....

I will be drinking...heavily...is that a job?

Someone's got to do it...

It can be

Whits - official drunk. You job is to be the most drunk TEFer. ANd nobody is allowed to be more drunk than you. So you better be trouser wettingly drunk

batch - delegating jobs to all forum members prior to the match....you've made a good start, well done

barry scott - responsible for pre-match entertainment. hijack the PA system and blast out hamburgers and insane clown posse.

spacey and flammableben - the "alternative" match report, full of satire and rapier like wit that could cut the toughest steak from 100 yards.

magicroundabout - make sure ralphy gets shanked by 'wall

As TEF official Gok Wan I can confirm Whits will need some sort of waterproof trouser if he wishes to piss himself at all during the day!

I fear a tena for men may not be enough for his drunk task!

Miss Angry's making 32,000 Bacon Sarnies. Better get frying!

"Frying tonight - Miss Angry's catering mission"

deltaincline - pre match foul language and abuse.gets it over and done with so families with young kids don't get offended during the match

I will be illegally drinking on the coach.

Beer in Lucozade bottles i reckon.

tgood work nev, don't peek too early.

petswinprizes - danny baker baiter. you are named after one of his failed shows, your job is to hunt him down and stalk him whilst singing the 'horses arse' song of yesteryear.

reg - chief remonisser. inspire us with stories of how wembley present isn't is good as it used to be.

Talktalk -- Pre match soap box nutter.stands outside wembley preaching his bizarre views to the approaching crowd

:D I'd better get started working out how I'm going to get Millwall's team coach up on bricks then. It's a bigger job than your standard Escort. Actually I may just nick it and use it to ramraid Dixons

flash - moonshine runner. supply beer to any tef going  by  sas travel. codeword "flash aaaggh"

I can get rot gut scrumpy if pre ordered.

I think Col Batch's orders constitute a pre-ordering. Jump to it, soldier!

Why not ram raid wembley while the players are still on the coach claiming you was egged on by the players to do it and thus getting a few injured at the same time to give us an advantage before the game

Is this a Hand job ?

I think i should have started frying last week!

I'll have mine grilled if you wouldn't mind! ;)

Grilled for the ladies of course ;)

Can I be Official Alternate Chant Starter?

Been polishing my Viking accessories the whole day - so I really hope I'll get through the airport security with all that metal...

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I'm already looking forward to get up at 3 am english time saturday morning! ! ! :D

Or peanut vendor ?

Or combine the two and be alternative snack vendor?

Weasel's noses, badgers paws!

I am going to Wembley later on to put my towel on my seat

Giz a job, go on, giz it.

Batch are you entirely sure it was a good idea to put Nemo in charge of vol-au-vent snaffling? He could come back with all sorts (and an RSPCA inspector in hot pursuit)

Quality!  :D

hopefully we'll be so drunk we won't care what nemo serves.

hmm, posh red,  I don't know much about you other than where you live and that you support swindon. with your stealth properties you can be official Michelle from the resistance. if Paul hasn't managed to steal the millwall team bus while they are on it you can sneak into their dressingroom and nick their shirts , tie their boot laces together. that sort of thing. remember to say things only once.

"Miss Angry brings home the bacon"

"Unemployed Cambridgeshire fan takes a punt"

nev has definitely been the best pick so far

You haven't missed an 'r' out anywhere have you pauld ?, because that almost reads like a compliment.

Batch should surely be made to wear that big leather coat and act as "Don" for the day!

If anyone doesn't do their jobs the horses head comes out on Saturday evening followed by concrete boots and swimming with da fishes the following day.

For 'swimming with the fishes' read  in death's waiting room for 6 series.

Call it pre-Wembley nerves causing temporary light-headedness. Normal service will be resumed shortly. Is that your car I can see on fire over there?

As the official "Michelle from the Resistance" I can confirm that I shall be bringing the airmen on Saturday, unfortunately the problem is they are American & not British :)

"Top Guns firing for Swindon"

:chuckle:

Liquorice is better than maimed animals I suppose...

You've Lost me there Nev.

Will do my best,i cannot wait for Saturday..............rest assured that there will be a tale to be told Sunday win or lose.

Like it!

Nev you're a cunt, always on a pun fest. Can an admin Locke this thread please.

I'll be joining them as I'm in Beijing on business... no way my boss was falling for "I've got a horrible disease, I can't go" after turning up at the office on that wonderful Tuesday morning reeking (sp?) of beer and unable to speak through all the shouting at The Valley :D

"Nev in Bo locking shock"

Very poor arriba. I don't own a soap box. Can you allocate me another job please Batch?

get some denim pom poms and you could be a cheerleader.

I think you should be responsible for handing out and personally fitting red and white girly shoes.

i cant multi task im matchday thread starter

Walk the dogs, go beachcombing, go to work am, do the weekly accounts - go down the Scillonian club with the local red army mob (well two of us) and watch the match - more in hope than expectation !! Sit quietly in case there is a Millwall inter-island mob. Evening do at the golf club - could be embarrasing if we win - I will have had too much already by then + I will have my stfc white shirt on.

Are you on St Mary's ScillyRed? Do you know Mick Scott at the Longstone Centre?

You'd better watch out for Pinky, Nez and the Butterfly Collector.

System - yes St Mary's - probably know him by sight - is he a fan ? - we need reinforcements - getting worried now  ;) - luckily the other fan is a policeman  :D

TalkTalk - Official photographer/press man. Talk to Si Pie about getting the photos online. Also note the club has a fetching range of red and white machetes for sale in the club shop.

 :nod:

Will do.

Ironside - crowd parter. We'll aim you in the direction we want to travel, shout heil hitler and let your spring loaded right arm part the crowds.

Mark D - You can assist Ironside, take the flasher mac and take it in turns. Try not to get your synchronisation wrong.

Sonic Youth - STFC exchange programme. We needed the Norse STFC branch as security so you'll have to stand in over there until they are done. Should have you back to blighty for KO.

Walrus - airport greeter. Make sure those flying in know the way to Wembley. You'll get pissed and end up at the airport sooner rather than later anyway.

You'll probably know him. No, he's a Geordie!

Wasn't that Ralphy?

Gis a job

4d - keep the calne massive in check

Nah, he's a Chelsea fan  :D (sorry, private joke)

"Scilly boys make plans"

"Lucas aid for Town"

"JP doesn't want to be on the bench"

"BP slick in the box at Wembley"

"Late sub appearance for Danny- Emergency Ward 10"

"Town travel First Class - fans go coach"

Whats the seat number, I'm volunteering to smear strawberry jam under the seat

Oops, always get those two mixed up.

Walrus - be Ralphy for the day.
Ralphy - replacement Walrus.

Ralphy got pissed and ended up at the airport. Walrus (presumably) got pissed and told everybody he was going to be working as an air hostess. Easy mistake to make.

reeves for england-- pre match god whisperer.will have a word with the fella upstairs for us all

4D - Timelord. Using the 4th dimension jump forward and iron out any time/space irregularities. Remember all irregularities will be handled by the forces controlling each dimension. Transuranic heavy elements may not be used where there is life. Medium atomic weights are available: Gold, Lead, Copper, Jet, Diamond, Radium, Sapphire, Silver and Steel. Sapphire and Steel have been assigned.

" r4e  keeps taking the tablets"
 
"4D takes charge of time. Dr Who ?"

"Neville puts final issue to bed"

That's all folks,  not coming on here until after I get back from  t' match.