Thetownend.com

BROWN NOW DICKING ABOUT WITH FISH AND CHIPS

04-03-10

GORDON Brown last night added the size of chip shop chips to his list of things to dick about with.

As the government's healthy eating experts told chip shops to increase the size of their chips by 32.7%, across the county 58 million people said 'oh for the love of fucking Christ' in perfect unison.

A spokesman for the Food Standards Agency said chips 32.7% bigger than average have less saturated fat, can form part of a balanced diet and blah, blah, fucking blah, his whiny little voice piercing the stillness like a red hot needle of unbelievably annoying dickishness.

Looking all serious, he added: "Myeh, myeh, myeh, myeh, myeh, myeh, myeh, myeh, myeh, myeh, myeh, myeh, myeh."

Helen Archer, a mother of two who has voted Labour since 1997 and enjoys a deep fried cod at the weekend, said: "I'm sorry Gordon, I just can't do this any more."

And Charlie Reeves, a chip eater from Stevenage, said: "What are you doing? Seriously, what do you think you're doing?"

"I've had a hard day at work and I am just trying to have a bag of chips, you utter fucking prick."

He added: "I'm telling you right now - fuck the deficit, the environment, Afghanistan and the NHS. I will vote for whichever politician says this exact sentence - 'Chip shops can serve chips in whatever size they want'.

"I'm so tired."

Meanwhile, in a small cafe in Doncaster, van driver Martin Bishop placed his knife and fork gently next to his plate of haddock and chips, dragged his hands wearily down his face and added: "What? What the fuck is it now?

"Oh Jesus Christ, can I just have my dinner? I'm begging you. Can I just. Please. Have. My fucking. Dinner?"

It's not even funny.

How long before they start taxing chips at a higher rate like fags and booze?  How much fucking money are they going to spend regulating this?

I live in a communist dictatorship and I can honestly say that there are less ridiculous rules and regulations here than in the UK now.

an average portion of fish and chips, which contains 595 calories and 9.42g of fat.

Utter genius and oh so spot on...

A spokesman for the Food Standards Agency said chips 32.7% bigger than average have less saturated fat, can form part of a balanced diet and blah, blah, fucking blah, his whiny little voice piercing the stillness like a red hot needle of unbelievably annoying dickishness.

If they think that's going to stop obesity they really have lost the plot.

China, that well known haven of liberal attitudes and policies?

The key to stopping obesity is better education on healthy living.

Teach kids about the importance of exercise and healthy eating.

It should be given the same importance as Maths and English in my view.

It's fine to have a bag of chips once a week, just not every fucking night!

Although to be fair, it does appear that he's more keen on this thread being entitled "Alex Fucking Salmond"

Although Salmond giving anyone lectures on obesity is a touch hypocritical.

Absolutely, death before the retirement age should be actively encouraged to sort out the public finances!

In all seriousness that is exactly what they don't want. The whole reason behind this health bollocks is because they want you to stay well and keep working, keep paying those huge amounts in tax, retire later etc so they can milk your efforts even more. Cunts.

In all seriousness that is exactly what they don't want. The whole reason behind this health bollocks is because they want you to stay well and keep working, keep paying those huge amounts in tax, retire later etc so they can milk your efforts even more. Cunts.

It is a good article though. As in "Even by raising such an absurd notion, the SNP Government are effectively telling every fatty in the land: it’s not your fault, the government will come to the rescue."

Even for you Alan, that is some seriously warped thinking. Increased population = increased public spending, increased unemployment, increased elderly care, increased NHS spending, increased education spending, etc, etc.

You are a bitter and twisted individual, based solely on your own experiences.

Let it go man.

:whogives: :whogives: :whogives:
:zzz: :zzz: :zzz: :zzz: :zzz:

i prefer thick cut chips to the scanky soggy thin ones.
gordon brown is the man

It hasn't got anything to do with the government or schools Ralphy. What I or my family eat is our own business. It is individual choice. Everybody has a brain, they can decide for themselves what is 'healthy/not healthy', if they want to be thin, fat, green, blue or anything else as far as I am concerned.

I just want the nanny state to get the fuck out of our lives.

I do get pissed of with the government spin of smoking / drinking / eating lard cost the NHS £xxbn per year. 

It may do but the majority of people who partake in these activities pay huge ammount of tax that funds the NHS. So they can do what the fuck they like.

I think thats a waste of time Ralphy. Even kids know that eating chips every day and doing fuck all exercise isnt good for you. Its just some people dont care, or more to the point their parents dont care.

it's usually the lowest paid and unemployed who lead the unhealthiest lifestyles.

I wasn't saying we should have a nazi style dictatorship on what to eat Alan. I was just saying kids should be better educated on healthy living.

There was a program on the beeb earlier on in the week about healthy eating etc.

They were trying to find out why 4, possibly more, NHS hospitals have a burger king inside them.

bizarrely, Cornwall !

Perhaps you should. We are roughly two to three years away from global economic meltdown and the collapse of most of the western governments. It's a one way street. Look at the budget deficits. Look at the complete inability and will to tackle them. Look at the profligate bailouts with money that doesn't exist. I can't wait for Greece to default and then watch the tremors spread.

Don't give a fuck? Well your cosy lifestyle is going to go one of two ways after that. Either we will will have totalitarianism (Labour are a bunch of pansies compared to what could happen) or it will be such a shock that the culture of ordinary people will change for the better.

I hope it is the latter.

You really are a cock sometimes Steve, even though you are a nice bloke.

Do you really really think that the government, the MPs or the elite give a shit about you? You only exist to keep them where they are. I will go further and say that they want you to work as hard as you can/pay as much as you can in tax until you drop dead and preferably not cost anything in pensions, sickness or old age care. If you don't then hopefully the MRSA will get you.

Call me cynical but you swallow the propaganda hook, line and sinker.

I'm just gonna come out with it, what IS dripping anyway?

I'm just gonna come out with it, what IS dripping anyway?

It's considered a delicacy anywhere north of Birmingham. Just ask Paul D, bet he lives off the stuff.

Not sure there's a veggie version.

Sap?

Oh yeah, I forgot he's a ponce and doesn't eat meat.

i prefer thick cut chips to the scanky soggy thin ones.
gordon brown is the man

Disagree. They don't have the crispiness that fries have.

Fuck you, Tyrone. The two are separable. Never tried dripping, even in my "pre-ponce" days, because it always struck me as indescribably rank (plus we were far too posh for that sort of muck) but I'll happily admit I'd kill for a decent veggie black pudding. Not very likely I know but there you go....

No, arriba's right. Proper British chips should have some heft to them, not these pissy-arse American things all you youngsters scarf down

:fishing: :D

Now't wrong with dripping. I was mourning it the other day. So we are going to have roast pork on Sunday and get a cupful in the fridge.

That's disgusting.

I'm voting Labour now just because you disgust me so much.

Plus small chips are shit anyway.