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stupidly i chose last night to break it to my girlfriend that when we return from our 5 week holiday in tanzania (due to depart next wednesday) we should have a break from each other. i probably should have waited until after the holiday to tell her. fuckity fuck.

understandably she's not so keen on the trip any more. its her own fault that this is needed though, i don't trust her as far as i could throw her and it does my head in. there have been some troubles in the past and we've never made a fresh start, hence the problems are always there under the surface and also seem to keep on occuring. plus when we return she will be in london and i'm moving back to oxford for a little bit at least, so it seems a good time to go our own ways for a bit. i stressed that it would only be a temporary measure and it would do us both some good, but obviously she was having none of that and only seeing it short term.

when she asked what would happen after africa i wish i'd just been optimistic and it would have delayed all of this hassle. idiot.

sorry if this bores you, i'm in need of some advice though! i need to rescue this holiday. as i've now made my position clear i think i just need to work on jutifying it?

Hell, the only thing I can think of is to say we both need this holiday and being together for five weeks is just what we need to build the relationship. Enjoy the holiday then dump her.

Retract everything you've said, blame it on your hormones and buy her some flowers. Or face a load of money spent on a holiday from hell.

Take a more cheerful bird on holiday with you as its all paid for i imagine?

I'd imagine it's in her name, and it costs fortunes to change details at this stage though, so that is probably a no no.

get a mate to buy her out for the holiday(at a reduced cost of course)
then you can dump her at will

leave her in tanzania

that's a good little line, i like it.

the holiday would be amazing, there is no problem when we're alone together. i'd still like to go on it.

i made the flight booking (pretty much all we've got booked) in our names.

OF I think you need to clear the air now, and you may be able to rescue the holiday.  Just tell her why you're feeling the way you do right now and see if things change.  Tell her you really want to go away with her as if you go away with her things might work out (and if you shag her in Tanzania that'd be a new country to add to your sex list).  You never know.  Sounds like there are some trust issues going on, need to sort them out or cut your losses and finish it.  Up to you fella.

Ouch!

Good luck OF.

Spot on with the trust issues. I can't see how they can be sorted out though, other than taking a break? With that we could draw a line under past incidents and maybe start again. There is also the possibility that its too fucked and unable to be fixed.

In the past we've tried talking things through but the same things happen again, be it me being suspicious or her doing something stupid or lying. If we keep going the problems will persist as nothing will have changed, and I can't be arsed with the same things anymore.

Ditch her. Go on holiday alone, it'll be cool regardless...

If you dont trust her, theres no point being with her, go on your own, you know it makes sense

  See if that bird Frenchy on TIU fancies steppng in at the last moment, she seems like a game lass...(pun intended)....you could woo her with the offer of a sightseeing trip to Firoz Kassam's birthplace.

Ive always been a bit skeptical about going on a 'break'.  To me that just rings running away from the problem rather than actually dealing with it - unless you don't want it dealt with.

IMO putting a bit of distance in between yourselves just makes the trust worse and constantly worrying about what the others doing.

No disrespect but in my opinion a 'break' isn't the answer as I don't think it will suddenly make you trust someone again.

WTF were you thinking?

OK there's only one way I can think to salvage this. Play the dumb "I'm only a bloke I don't understand feelings and stuff and I was only trying to say what I thought you wanted to hear" card.

Persuade her that you thought her question was a suggestion that, with you being apart geographically, she wanted some freedom and that, despite being devastated by this, you thought it might be the only way to keep her. Apologise a lot. Cry if you can.

Then ditch her when you get back if you don't trust her not to shag the postman whilst you're in Poxford.

Feed her to a lion!

:notworthy: :notworthy: :notworthy:

It makes perfect sense!

we have a winner!

Why dont you trust her?  has she actually done anything or are you a parnoid nutter?

well he is an oxford fan....

It's me who worries about what she is doing. I can be trusted, she doesn't have to worry and knows that. Putting distance between us would remove my anxiety.

I agree that a break in itself won't restore the trust, but it may give us the opportunity to move on from the things in the past and prevent her from doing it again. I'm just clutching at straws for a solution though, and this probably isn't it. I can't think of any other options to restore the trust though.

Lumps its too late for me to backtrack. I could possibly say that I've been desperately seeking a solution to our problem and this is all I could think of - and that I wasn't saying it should happen just that it seems the only option to me at the moment.

I dumped her about 6 months ago for being a scumbag. She gets drunk and acts like a prick. She said she'd see a professional in September about it.

Basically we got back together on the condition that there would be more honesty from her and more trust from me. We booked a holiday. Then last week she lied to me about where she stayed - first said at a friends, then when i pushed she claimed she passed out on a sofa. Completely ruined any progress we had made.

I think perhaps I don't really want a break, I want it to be over. But I still want to go on the holiday because I like her like mad whatever she does, and we've paid £500 each for the flights! I'd rather go with her than on my own.

Does the quaility/quantity of sex make up for the agro?

sounds like you're better off without her to me.  and still going on holiday with her has got 5 weeks of wierd uncomforable siclences wriiten all over it

Neither of you will enjoy the holiday fully, as you'll always be thinking about what's going to happen afterwards.

I guess it's a line that you had to be able to think up at the time and use immediately. Store it away for the future. It's my failsafe fallback position for just about every situation in which I've said something she doesn't like.

Propose!

 :nonono:

Just say you have been pondering your sexuality, and you were thinking of her in the long term, as your probable demands for oral sex every night to get you back on track may have had consuquences on your long term relationship. May not be a good idea to mention any quick ones up the wrong un to compound this theory though.

dump her you must have another sister to bang.

No offence to Johnny R.  But I do get a bit bored of this whole incest rubbish that seems to be written all the time between STFC and OUFC fans.  "You sleep with your sister"  "yeah but, you sleep with your mum" "well, your dad shags your brother", it's just not funny or original at all.

Like I say no offence intended to you fella.

Seriously, what you've done is right imo. Prolonging the inevitable is often just an easier option.

Shit doesn't fix itself and shit is often malfunctioning for a reason.

Here is a simple solution:

Tell her you love her and need her. Then tell her you need her in Africa. Take her with you, and buy a family pack of KY to take with you. Once there, extract the maximum value on her as is physically posible, and use the KY to increase your return on investment column by preventing rawness. Once home buy a new mobile and dump her.

just bored at home on holiday in the pissing rain ,i had to take it out on somebody.

cheers Barry. i'm working on a little letter to her, making it sound not as bad as in the first instance.

Right,

You have two options,  firstly cancel her flight, you will only get 10% back but the beauty is dont tell her.

Go to the airport and go to check in, when she has trouble checking in check in both yours and her bags on your ticket, the 10% should cover the baggage charge , check in yourself and then tell her to wait there you will get to the bottom of this and just go through to departure lounges. Then when you get to africa dump her stuff (sell anything of value) and ditch your phone.

secondly, propose, not as stupid as first seems, tell her you love her so much you want to fully commit to her, go and have holiday, and dont dump her untill you get back and hit on her fit mate, you never know her fit mate might be into you.

Mex is a prophet - take his advice.

wow boys are rubbish!  ;)

Sounds like JFW likes to be treated mean...

Is it wrong to enjoy this sort of thread?

They can always be split into 3 groups.

1.The proper advice givers and generally good at worming out of things chaps.

2.The kind of chaps who think "shag her up the arse" is the answer to everything.

3.The bitter bitter get your own back evil Mex plans.

I'd suggest drinking a lot until you arrive at your holiday destination, then drink to ensure this goes smoothly and with any luck she'll have dumped you by the return.

Yeovil what category do you come into, probably 1; maybe 2, no, dont think so; 3, well you tell us.

I'm not qualified to give relationship advice.  :(

You said it can be split into 3, so you must be one of those three - I think I'm a One - don't be a Fencesitter!!!

By not replying to the original post (apart to comment on the replies) I have removed myself from classification.Im not normally shy on giving rubbish advice though,so probably 1.

I'm a number 2 which is pretty apt really.

it's back on!

thanks everyone

So was it the up the wrong un approach? We need to know as Deirdrie isn't going to be around forever!

I was going to say this now sounds like the perfect opportunity to pound her up the wrong un

It'd be funny if she pulls someone else on said holiday

Trust is everything...without that.......there is nothing!

pretty ace holiday; only one argument which was when i told her she was a selfish prat. nearly did her up the bottom.

now to start winding things down. will try to take the brown route before all is done though.

Good work.

get her drunk at a wedding the fuck her arse ragged.

Pound that chutney tube!