The Opponent: Rotherham United
The People's Republic of Rotherham - locally 'Rovrum' - is a landlocked satellite state of the former USSR, produced through an amorous collision between pig excrement and the Soviet Galactic Battle Fleet. These illicit origins have led to Vladimir VII's denial of Rotherham’s existence and his cynical stratagem to remove it from all maps and government funding initiatives. Holy Emperor Chairman Blair, thought to be complicit in these machinations, most recently said, under state interrogation, “Rotherham? Where’s that? Well, I’ve certainly never heard of it before. Are you sure it exists? Like, no shitting around, mo’fo?” Rotherham was formerly a member-state of the Socialist Workers' Republic of Yorkshire but declared unilateral independence in 1997 following the beginning of Moore's Cultural Revolution.
Described by Oscar Wilde as “the most attractive arrangement of human refuse since last night’s chicken Vindaloo”, Rotherham consists primarily of crack dens and farming collectives watched over by the vengeful ghost of Arthur Scargill, who is wont to savagely suppress all murmurs of dissent, such as in the Tiananmen Square 12-in-a-Cage Super Smackdown Event of July 2005, also known as Geldof Aid. Owing to its semi-subterranean position, Rotherham receives as much as four hours of sunlight per day, during which the prisoners risk being picked off by working-class Dinosaurs skimming Dane Bowers CDs. The general impression has been likened to The Sound of Music, and even more so to the scenes involving Jean Claude Van-Damme in the Party-approved 1987 sequel, The Sound of Music II: Retributive Measures (a landmark in socialist realism). By night, individual Rotherhamites (or Chuffs) search for displaced Party members and legitimate father figures, before returning to bathe in Vodka Kick.
Rotherham is most famous for 'producing' the Chuckle Brothers (who were literally produced during a botched attempt to clone Cannon and Ball in Rotherham Central Library), as well as being the birthplace of David Seamen, a moustached porn actor who moonlighted as an international goalkeeper. Allegedly, the blunder that knocked England out of the 2002 World Cup was a result of Seamen's fatigue - he had stayed up until 3 a.m. the previous evening filming 'Seamen, Semen and Seamen' in a mocked-up North Sea setting somewhere in the Sea of Japan.
Where the Opposition Gather –http://boards.footymad.net/forum.php?tno=450&fid=215&sty=2&act=1&mid=2111221829Last 6 – WLDLWD (5th place on 83 points)
They have served us both – Tommy Birtles, Jack Burkinshaw, Jimmy Coupar, Toumani Diagouraga, Steve Forde, Callum Kennedy, Fred Laycock, Andy Monkhouse, Michael Proctor, Alex Rhodes, Luke Rooney, Kevin Watson, Wilfred Bratley, Deon Burton, Paul Crichton, Ted Dransfield, Bernard Harris, Ken Keyworth, David Layne, Andy Nicholas, Arthur Radford, Liam Ridehalgh, Charlie Thompson, Danny Williams, Alfred Brown, Graham Coughlan, Mark Dempsey, Paul Evans, George Hicks, Sammy Lamb, Tom McAllister, Chris Ogden, Alex Revell, Les Roberts, Tony Thorpe, Les Williams
The Odds – Swindon 6/4 Draw 5/2 Rotherham 13/8 Nathan Byrne to score first with Bet365 is 16/1. He scored a cracking double for me against Tranmere earlier today, its a sign.
The Son Says – In 45 previous predictions he has managed to get 5 right, I have managed 3. Apparently we will end the season on a high winning 2-1.
The Prediction – Although it will be hard to top the Simon Ferry celebrations from a couple of years back, the players deserve a round of applause today. I’m glad that bellend Ranger has gone as he has proven beyond doubt that despite being a talent, he is not the sort of man that people want their kids to idolise. We will win 3-0, Michael Smith x 2 and Luongo with a piledriver in front of 7’999 with 399 from Oop North.
And Finally – Well, it has been a long season and possibly a better one than many of us hoped for. Thanks one and all for reading and if my waffle can be tolerated and nobody else wishes to take the honour of starting the official matchday thread then I will be back. This will, as ever, remain in the hands of the members of The TEF. Hope you all enjoy the summer, and don't forget. Steve Evans is a fat perverted cunt, allegedly.