Tesco.

This made oi larf:

HOW MEN AMUSE THEMSELVES IN TESCO'S
>
> Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or
> boyfriend along shopping
>
> This letter was actually sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in
> Oxford :
>
> Dear Mrs. Murry,
> Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use of
> the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is
> considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless
> your husband stops his antics.
>
> Below is a list of his actions over the past few months all verified
> by our surveillance cameras:
>
> 1. June 15 Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
> trolleys when they weren't looking.
>
> 2. July 2 Set all the alarm clocks in houseware to go off at 5-minute
> intervals.
>
> 3. July 7 Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
> feminine products aisle.
>
> 4. July 19 Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
> 'Code 3' in housewares...and watched what happened.
>
> 5. August 14 Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
>
> 6. September 15 Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and
> told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a
> Calor gas stove.
>
> 7. September 23 When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him,
> he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
>
> 8. October 4 Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
> mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
>
> 9. October 10 While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
> houseware aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the
> antidepressants were.
>
> 10. November 3 Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming
> the Mission Impossible' theme.
>
> 11. November 6 In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look"
> using different size funnels.
>
> 12. November 18 Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled

> 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'
>
> 13. November 21 When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
> assumed the foetal position and screamed'NO! NO! It's those voices
> again.'
>
> And last, but not least:
>
> 14. November 23 Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
> while;
then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'

I particularly like numbers 3 and 14.