Friday Joke Thread

[jutty274]

I have started a line of 3/4 length clothes for black babies.

They are called knee grows.

[dave_bambers_right_sock]

Not friday but hey,    Was chopping some herbs last night and got some in my eye went to the docs today and he said I'm now Parsley sighted


Groan 

[BANGKOK RED]

<geek joke>There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't</geek joke>

[Bogus Dave]

Did you hear about the midget boxing match the other night?

I wouldn't get too excited, it was a pretty short fight.

[Ginginho]

A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausage?"

The assistant replied, "Are you Irish?"

The man, clearly offended, said, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.

If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?

Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"

The assistant replied, "No, I probably wouldn't."

The man said, "Well then, just because I asked for Irish sausage, why
did you ask me if I'm Irish?"

The assistant replied, "Because you're in Halfords."

[nochee]

A bloke tries chatting up an attractive nun on the bus, but she totally ignores him.After she gets off, the bus conductor comes over."You were wasting you time with her" he says. "She says that she's saving herself for the holy ghost and she spends every night in the churchyard, waiting for him to come to her."That night, just before midnight, the nun is in the churchyard, when a figure in a white sheet comes floating towards her crying "I'm the holy ghost and i've come for you." The nun turns around, bends over a gravestone and the ghost gives her a fucking good pounding from behind.As she turns back around, the ghost whips off the sheet... "Surprise!!!!, it's the bloke off the bus!"The nun whips off her habit... "Surprise!!!!!!, it's the bus conductor!"

[dave_bambers_right_sock]

A drunken elderly man walks into a rough biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.
He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking babe!"
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma boy and she is real good, the best lay I ever had!"
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says... "Grandpa, Go home, you're drunk."

[jayohaitchenn]

What's blue and can't sing?

Blue.

[jutty274]

What's Blue and doesn't fit?

A Dead Epaletic.

[jutty274]

The man who invented Chinese Whispers has died.

Pass it on.

[Anteater]

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.

At first I was afraid.............then I was petrified.

[Bogus Dave]

Some people in Africa go weeks without water.

Well out of order

[Benzel]

My Mrs is the queen of multi tasking. I can be lying on the sofa whilst she's doing 3 things in the kitchen... She doesn't look happy. So I say you can make me a sandwich if you like - just to cheer her up.

[Doore]

This doesn't work in writing - say it out loud:

Whoopi Goldberg has announced she will be marrying Gerard Depardieu.  She will now be known as Whoopi Depardieu.

[Honky McCracker]

I entered a blind masturbating competition yesterday, Ive no idea where I came.