Sounds like you've already taken up self-harming, Ben. The problem is largely one of perception: let's see how your evening would have been reported in the red-tops, if you were even vaguely famous
Friends are becoming increasingly concerned for crazy long-haired layabout flammableBen after he amazingly SLASHED himself in a DRUNKEN ORGY of WINE and CRACK (ed glass). A clearly delerious ben mumbled to friends as he was dragged off to an exclusive London rehab centre for emergency treatment, the frenzy of self-harming was a desparate attempt to "keep up with the cool kids". A close friend revealed "We're very worried about ben - everyone knows his posts on tef have gone off the boil recently and he's terrified he's lost it and is now last year's thing. This self-harming thing is just the latest in a worrying spiral of decadence"
See? Now put like that doesn't that make your evening seem much more interesting? I could take that Max Clifford, easy.
