Thetownend.com

Ok. As nothing gets past me, I'll take the keepers jersey.

Any volunteers or suggestions?

Lumps on the left wing  :)

Can I be cone gatherer ?

Can I do Digby's wife ?

Chang could deal with the press releases.

Tracey? is he still with her? I remember her showing off her new £3,000 boob job in the pub about 20 years ago, she was very popular.

I'll call dibs on the Picaretta role and sit motionless in the dugout for 90 minutes.

I could be the gormless fucker who gets pissed in local pubs and gets decked

Flint replacement in other words

We should also sign that fella with 10 stone testicles - he's got balls

Lumps started on the left wing...but recently went over to the right.

I'd like the TAH role...sit around doing fuck all, but getting paid a fat wedge.  Also doubling up as a caption in the Confederation's Cup, getting stuffed by everyone but loved by Brazilians. Have some Tahitian women...art innit.

http://www.artunframed.com/images/artmis30/gauguin76.jpg

I've scored a goal at the CG if that helps.

Not sure Jed could match my wages!

I'll bowl a few overs of leg breaks!

I'll play for travel expenses and full access to the bar/food facilities. Attacking right winger normally, but after a couple of pies I'm a lazy deep-lying midfielder.

Beggars can't be choosers on a shoestring.

Speaking of which, I could do with a new pair of boots.

Ive just discovered a hernia so Im out.  If you buy me a buggy Ill drive on with a stretcher to take off the rest of you cripples when the injuries occur.

left back in the changing room for me

Happy to sit alongside Honkytonk in the middle of the park and caress sideways passes around like a young Michael Carrick

I've always played RB or RW. I have no left foot whatsoever, I just have a completely useless foot like appendage at the end of my left leg. It's handy for keeping my upright while I play the ball with my right foot, but not for much else.

I'm like a slow JP McGovern. Anywhere in midfield is fine.

I'm like a fat Razor Ruddock, only about a foot shorter.

I can make tea though, so I will put myself forward as the new Curly

There's a pretty obvious tautology in that sentence, it's like saying you're a like a chavvy Aden Flint, or a useless Michael Pook.

I'm actually ok and not that slow, I just have zero stamina so I have to run around slowly to conserve my energy.

A fat Razor Ruddock?

The County Ground can't take something of that magnitude.

 :D

Fuck it I'll play for the opposition so I can spend 90 minutes trying to kick Coca Fola halfway back to fucking Serbia or whatever shit hole country he comes from

I once broke someone's wrist in a school game, high two footed challenge and only got a yellow.  :toocool: Tackle me at your peril.

Fucking hell, split in the dressing room already.

It's that clique, now if only we had a strong willed manager who could sort them out

That's why he's playing for the opposition, he handed in a transfer request when he found out I was in the side ahead of him.

I'll be the Chairman, I have no money, not a clue about running a football club but do have experience and driving a Mercedes (sprinter)    :D

DMR....the Joey Barton of any side....wonder if he is on Twitter :hmmm:

I'll do the scoreboard

I'll be the new Gareth Whalley.  Long absences, interspersed with occasional appearances characterised by complete mediocrity. 

I once played in goal for Margate, they were known as Thanet United at the time. On this basis, I am the rightful No.1.

Sub keeper  ;)

fairly shit left back. Think Yinka Casal but worse

I can be the 3rd choice keeper. On the basis that i never let 10 in in one match (although i did let in 9 once and then got taken off! we lost 10-2)

I'll challenge you for the left back spot.

Just don't expect me to get forward in a hurry when we are on the attack or get back at the same pace when we are defending.

I'll be a centre back, I'm like a bit fat Maldini

The only keeper that should be considered in FB. He can play in goal with a bottle of red in his hand don't yer know.

Arriba and leefer will have to be subs, a fifteen minute break isn't long enough between shifts.

Err ......... is there not a history of that not going so well?

I have no idea what you're on about.

Hmmm  really ....

Repressed memories.

I wouldn't worry, I've never really understood what a scoreboard was for at a football match. If people are distracted enough to lose track of the score at football they really should just fuck off out of the ground and do something else.

What if you're shitfaced?

Some scoreboards have a fancy dan clock on them so you can work out how long is left until you concede a last minute loser.

 :cry:
 Some stop at 45 and 90 so you have no idea how much injury time is left anyway  :doh:

Does the one at Old Trafford stop at 90?

Scoreboards aren't allowed to put up how much injury time has passed. Too much pressure on the ref, or some such other FA bollocks.


We have the Rolex right next to it though, no need for a clock!

IIRC local businesses paid to have adverts on the scoreboard before the game, at half-time and after the match and that money went to the supporters club. I always thought it'd be a useful tool for displaying teams, bookings, goalscorers and attendances when it's impossible to hear them due to the shite PA system but not sure how many people looked at it really; I find myself checking it when I go to games now but that's because I know what is up there. A lot more of the bulbs have blown now which makes it look very tired.

It was cheap and has probably paid for itself and then some more, not bad for the supporters club IMO.

I always thought that one started at 90 minutes.

Ha, like we ever kick off at 4pm for the second half! Always late.

Couldn't we have a massive screen in front of the bank? Speakers, with mics wired up to the TE, random fan mugshots appearing on the screen. Scrolling titles at half time (like something from the opening bit of star wars).  :sherlock:

It still wouldn't be as good as the cardboard cutouts.

Who was it that left them out in the rain again?

Can we play a half time game of Where's Wally Eric

He'd be in the Town End so it limits the game somewhat