Thetownend.com

I thought we needed a "sods law" thread  :).

Why is my boss always stood near my desk when I am late in?
Why do I always end up driving behind people happy to drive at 35mph?
Why do weekend days go quicker than weekdays?
Why do people always put their trolley across the place I need to get to in the supermarket?
Why do we pay car tax? (it can't be to repair the roads - surely?)
Why did the oil for my last car service cost 50 odd quid (before vat!)?
Why is some idiot trying to send a fax to my landline after midnight (or at anytime to be honest)?

Feel free to unwind  :)

Hope that helps...

I thought this was going to be a thread where you posted random questions that you didn't know the answer to.  So I'm going to hijack it...

Why is it that your reflection in a mirror appears to be inverted from left to right but not from top to bottom?

Why is it when you go for a piss you never then need a shit but if you go for a shit you'll always have a piss?

Why is it when I eat a sausage I do a poo, but when I eat a poo I don't do a sausage?   :D

Courtsey of Viz, mid 90's

That's what i've always wondered this - strange. I've put it to the test before by trying not to piss but it just comes out anyway.

Why is it when us blokes are ill it's always man flu and we're supposed to just get on with it but if the Mrs is Ill it's the end of the world and their fucking grumpy & miserable

its only if you get an erection when you shit you need to worry!! :D

What a first post! Fred will be impressed  :)

Great first post and very true! Althogh i don't tend to get that much enjoyment out of a shit. What ever floats your boat though!

:Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

Yeah i've been waiting for an intelligent conversation to join in on !

Why do people insist on moaning about players they have never seen play?

Why do people not understand the concept of personal space on the train?

At a guess I'd say it has something to do with the muscles you're using/relaxing at the time.

So that its easier to accidentally touch you up?

Personal space is defined differently by different cultures, which is why people from Latin American cultures, for example, sometimes get too close for the liking of people here.  It's just that the personal space as defined in their own culture is a lot smaller than in ours.

I also heard perception of personal space used as an explanation for why people often seem uncommunicative or even unfriendly on London transport to outsiders.  When you're in a confined space that is clearly smaller than the personal space you would like for yourself, you retreat in to yourself in order to try to get some of that space back.  One reason (but not the only one, obviously) why you'll see so many people burying their faces in to a book or listening to their iPod with their eyes closed.  And two things you will definitely not want to do in such circumstances are make eye contact or strike up a conversation with someone - both of which accentuate the lack of personal space.

Edit: But Batch's answer was funnier.

Why am I at work when the sun is out and the air con in my office is not working

Why do journeys always seem shorter on the way back although it's the same distance?
Why do ex Swindon players sit in my paid for seat, and why am I too nice to ask them to move ?

Who was that notts

depends which ex-player it is!

Why when you're looking for something you find all sorts of other stuff but not what you are looking for.

Going through all my paper work to find all the paper work from when I bought my tv. I've found all the stuff for the toaster, the kettle, the microwave, the washing machine, the boiler, the sky box. I've found a copy of my CV, a quote for work done on my car, my driving license, 15 un-opened phone bills, all my gas, electric and water bills, last years birthday and Christmas cards, napkins (!!!) two un-opened Birthday cards (from my mum and dad of all people!!) about 300 Domino/Pizza Hut/Anywhere else deal flyers, all my car insurance details, a wedding invitation, a plaster, holiday forms from work and a lightbulb.

Riveting

Fitz and his kids, the Southend game it was Pericard. I'm sat on the edge of the executive area so they just come out of " the posh entrance" and plonk themselfs down. I used to play with Fitz so he just laughed when I told him he was in my seat.

Football that is.

Thats because you touch boys at night :)

I did wonder if that had something to do with it

Why are DV's posts the equivalent of watching grass grow?

awesome?

Why after a night out does my piss sometimes smell of Sugar Puffs? 

dehydration I believe

but why sugar puffs?

again, guess work but due to the levels of sugar in your urine when you're dehydrated.

Because your eyes are horizontally aligned. If your eyes were vertically aligned (i.e. one of top of the other), the reverse would be true.

It's all a matter of perception. A trick of the mind really.

why does some cunt in the flat below me think it's ok to have a very loud beepy central locking system, which he uses at 6am, when i'd rather be asleep?

Because he's a cunt

Start worrying when it smells like cocoa pops.

Why are these stupid underlined ads appearing?

Is this what you woke up next to?

[url width=131 height=150]http://shinymedia.blogs.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/02/21/honeym.jpg[/url]

Off subject. My lad is playing at new college Swindon tonight, can anyone tell me the best/easiest way to find the college? I've had a look on google earth but peoples directions would be good. If I'm coming off the motorway would it be better to come off Junction 15 ? There seems to be lots of pitches so I'm looking for the floodlit pitch. Cheers in advance.

Off at J15, down the A419. Exit left towards Coate, take the second exit from the roundabout down Queens Drive. New College is probably a mile down on the right.

You don't live in Crawley do you?  That's me!  How else are we supposed to open the car?!

Third exit off roundabout, isn't it?

I thought New College played at Supermarine, the pitch behind the Rugby Clubhouse

It's the third if you count the turning into Coate, which isn't really an exit from the roundabout. Coming from the A419 then 1st exist is Marlborough Road, second is Queens Drive. Third will have you driving into the Parks, which I really wouldn't advise.

Well he asked for directions to New College, not South Marston!

Cunt

Sorry guys, my lad is playing v new college so I just thought that's were they would play. It's in the U18 floodlit league so if the college don't have a floodlit pitch im even more stuck on directions. Once his manager gets back to me I'll know where I'm supposed to be heading. Sorry for the confusion.

I've just rang the college and their teams do play over at Supermarine and not at the college. Still don't know where that is but I'll have another look on google. Cheers.

They do, so the internet tells me.

http://full-time.thefa.com/DisplayFixture.do?id=10929077

why do people go to the gym just to walk on a treadmill?

Why did I go to Maccelsfield instead of Exeter?

haha you went to macclesfield last night? it's not even the right night you dick

That's one hell of a fuck up  :)

Why does the word "lisp" have the letter "s" in it?
Why is a grapefruit called a grapefruit?  It looks nothing like a fucking grape.
Why does the bottle of lemon juice in my fridge have "lemon flavouring" in it while my washing up liquid is made with real lemons?

Why does your love hurt so much? Tell me why

Try using some lube.

Ha ha

I don't like Mondays.

Don't flatter yourself

Tell me why are we, so blind to see that the one's we hurt, are you and me?

Why do gangsters live in paradise ?

Sorry babe. You can go top next time.

Delilah?

Why don't  we Switch off our tellys and go do something less boring instead.

Aint nothing but a heartache

I don't like Mondays

Aint nothing but a mistake

Why are there so many wasps about at the moment? I hardly saw any over the summer.

[David Attenborough]Because they're cunts.[/David Attenborough]

On that theme, why do I keep finding dead wasps around my bedroom window in the mornings? Is there nothing better for them to do than fly around between the curtain and window until they drop?

Hey don't knock it till you've tried it.

Why are we still on British Summer Time when it's clearly not summer any more?  Clocks go forward at the end of March (less than 3 months before the longest day) and then go back again at the end of October (more than 4 months after the longest day).

MCA ?

Why do we bother with GMT.  Should be BST all year...in fact just line our time zone up with most of Western Europe.

Why are the beers on offer in the supermarket always sold out when I go shopping, oh wait!

Wasn't the Sheffield derby anywhere on the box,know its lge1 but suprised it wasn't moved to Friday or something.

Indeed, instead its Birmingham v fucking leicester

Why was garth crooks in the leicester dug out??

possibly the reporter on the touchline?

Why are women so shit at loading dishwashers ??

1. Because women always make things harder than they need to.
2. Because the dishwasher is their main rival in life and they secretly hate it.
3. Because im not a sexist

Bloody good question, but one I suggest you don't ask her directly.

i mean how chuffin' difficult is it to work out bowls, cups and utensil go up top, plates and knives and forks go down bottom.

I put this to her and now she doesn't bother trying because "she clearly can't do it right".

The most annoying thing though is that even when she did it wrong things came out clean.

Too late Batch - I said, "Why are you so shit at loading the dishwasher" - and this was said in a laughing & jokey manner with a smile on my face.

I slept in the shed.

You WILL learn!

To be fair to her she just laughed and asked "whats wrong with it?" to which my reaction was a bit :no:

Mrs B has a good sense of humour and is very tolerant - she needs to be  ;D

And another point - I believe men have the ability to get more into a dishwasher than is actually physically possible to d - a kind of tardis ability. However, you do run the risk of running the "do you check its clean before unloading" roulette.

Women are shit at putting things in stuff. Shopping trolleys, fridges, my penis in their mouth.

WHY is it, you always get shit songs that you don't like stuck in your head?

All morning, for some unknown reason, I have had "Moves Like Jagger" in my head.
I don't really know the song, I don't like the song, I don't even fucking know who sings it.

Same with Lady Gaga, don't like her stuff, but her songs are so annoyingly catchy they just get stuck in your head.

I do that with the themes tunes and songs of the kids programs - at the moment its Jake and the Neverland pirates.

Says the man that can't put himself into a different room without ripping the door off

Or use the keyboard on my phone :)

Why always me?

Because you throw darts at youth players.

Why was the M4 closed today between 15 and 17...... :hmmm:

There's been a zombie outbreak in Swindon and the town is going to be napalmed shortly.

Pile up

Pile on

Pile off

Anyone else heard about the police looking into WHY a Bristol Rovers player had a piss near the corner flag whilst warming up as a sub in their FA cup game, how strange ! Info on the BBC football site.

Yes, it was in another thread.

I'm going to hazard a guess the answer is because he needed a piss.

Sorry for repeating story,  :no:

Sorry, didn't mean it like that. But you asked!

Another great test match between South Africa and the convicts.Why is it only a two test series  :no:

Why is it that when I point out a superbly bodied, perfect breasted blonde bird sat on the edge of a swimming pool in my hotel to a random guy sat next to me he says " that's my girlfriend"  :doh:

Did you go on to spill his pint and insult his mother?

Top work.

Why has Larwood not had her baby yet?  :D

Stork deliveries have been outsourced to Yodel?

:soapy tit wank:

It seems to be taking forever!

Why do women have to have some many lights on at home?  :hmmm:

So they can see where to vacuum?

If only. We have 14 spotlights in our kitchen, plus under cupboard and over cooker - I have no more than 6 on and I manage fine (I can see the toaster and tin opener). I came in from work and there was all but two on.

Well I'm guessing the meal she was lovingly preparing you was much more than just the beans on toast (toaster and tin opener) that you prepare for her????

errr........yes. but she drained the national grid doing it

But I am sure it was worth it!  :D

Only if she drained his ball-sack as well as the National Grid...

Why does Everybody Love Raymond?

Because he's an all round great guy!

WHY have both the 'Trivial things...' threads been locked?

This made me smile this morning anyway -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGOJHJOWyQE&feature=plcp&context=C386bcd0UDOEgsToPDskLpBOay0OQw8nFkbO92WJTy

no idea. I've unlocked them now.