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Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Sade on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 20:01:13 Anybody got any new ones?
I heard one on the radio earlier,its lame but it made me laugh so much. What kind of key opens all doors????? A pikey :mrgreen: Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Whits on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 20:02:39 http://www.whits.plus.com/files/tourette.jpg
:D Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Sade on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 20:07:38 :soapy tit wank: hahaha!
Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Ben Wah Balls on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 20:08:52 What's green and runs around your garden?
A Hedge! Ahhhahhhhaaa. Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Sussex on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 20:09:07 Two sanitary towels were floating down a sewer drain, and were approaching two tampons. Before the towels and tampons reached each other, one towel said to the other,
"Should we say hello to those 2 tampons?" The other towel responded, "Err... nah... they're stuck up cunts." Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Leggett on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 20:09:53 2 nuns in a bath, one says,
"Where's the soap?", the other says, "yes, it does doesnt it" Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Dazzza on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 20:10:09 Do you like birds?
Because I herd you had a Cock or TW0!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :o :o :o :D :o I fucking love that joke and tell it at least once a day. I can't help get that Frank Skinner Pokerface? "You bet I would" effort out of my head either. Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Leggett on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 20:12:59 bloke walks up to the counter in a chemist and asks the girl behind the counter "have you got any birth control for my 13 year old daughter?",
the girl, a little shocked, asks "is your 13year old daughter sexually active?", the guy replies "nah, she just lies there like her mum" Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Sade on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 20:34:01 I really don't get that one :?
Quote from: "Leggett" 2 nuns in a bath, one says, "Where's the soap?", the other says, "yes, it does doesnt it" Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Bob's Orange on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 20:41:09 Quote from: "sade" I really don't get that one :? Quote from: "Leggett" 2 nuns in a bath, one says, "Where's the soap?", the other says, "yes, it does doesnt it" Me either! Glad I am not the only one! Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: lebowski on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 20:50:14 what's yellow and smells like bananas?
monkey sick. thanks, i'm here all night. Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Sussex on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 20:51:32 Quote from: "Edinburgh_STFC" Quote from: "sade" I really don't get that one :? Quote from: "Leggett" 2 nuns in a bath, one says, "Where's the soap?", the other says, "yes, it does doesnt it" Me either! Glad I am not the only one! Nope, me either :? Leggetts humour must be of a 'specialist' taste! Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Bob's Orange on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 20:52:28 What's worse than being gay?
Nothing. Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Sade on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 20:52:59 Or maybe he is having us all on and he just made it up and we are not supposed to get it because theres nothing to get? :o
Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Sade on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 20:54:05 A classic.................what do you call a women with one leg?
Eileen..... :D still makes me laugh. Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: FlashGordon on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 21:25:13 Was going to post sayin i didnt understand the nun joke...but didnt want to be the only one...ive been reading it over and over again but nope just dont get it
Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: spacey on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 21:45:08 I'm guessing that as they're in the bath together they're probably lezzers, one of them can't find the soap 'where's the soap' the others got the soap up their gash 'wears the soap'.It's all an embarrassing misunderstanding.
Having read that back it sounds like a clue from 321..where's the soap, wears the soap, soap on a rope,rope rhymes with pope, the pope lives in rome...that's right you've won this beautiful silver cutlery set :? Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: FlashGordon on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 21:48:33 A man walks into a shop and asks for a blow up doll, the shopkeeper says 'normal or muslim?' whats the difference the man asks...the shopkeeper replies the muslim blows itself up...
Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Bob's Orange on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 21:49:55 Quote from: "FlashGordon" A man walks into a shop and asks for a blow up doll, the shopkeeper says 'normal or muslim?' whats the difference the man asks...the shopkeeper replies the muslim blows up itself... Like it! :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick: Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Sussex on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 21:52:15 Dusty bin :?
The bain of my Saturday youth. Magpie anyone? Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Leggett on Tuesday, September 20, 2005, 21:54:10 Quote from: "spacey" I'm guessing that as they're in the bath together they're probably lezzers, one of them can't find the soap 'where's the soap' the others got the soap up their gash 'wears the soap'.It's all an embarrassing misunderstanding. bingo Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: FlashGordon on Wednesday, September 21, 2005, 15:24:19 well this thread lasted long
Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: DV on Wednesday, September 21, 2005, 15:31:51 Andy King said he's got the best set of players he's ever had at the club right now
:Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick: :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick: Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: land_of_bo on Wednesday, September 21, 2005, 15:36:01 What do you call an indian lesbian?
Minge-eater :wink: Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: janaage on Wednesday, September 21, 2005, 15:41:23 Quote from: "spacey" Having read that back it sounds like a clue from 321..where's the soap, wears the soap, soap on a rope,rope rhymes with pope, the pope lives in rome...that's right you've won this beautiful silver cutlery set :? That 321 clue was brilliant Spacey, as good as the jokes!!! Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: larwood on Wednesday, September 21, 2005, 15:43:37 Quote Andy King said he's got the best set of players he's ever had at the club right now :( Thats sad not funny.But i suppose if we couldn't laugh at it we'd all be jumping off the top of the nationwide. Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Kinky Tom on Wednesday, September 21, 2005, 15:46:39 Quote from: "larwood" Quote Andy King said he's got the best set of players he's ever had at the club right now :( Thats sad not funny.But i suppose if we couldn't laugh at it we'd all be jumping off the top of the nationwide. Funnily enough (in a non-joke way) I read this old thread today: http://thetownend.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?p=10755&highlight=#10755 Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: larwood on Wednesday, September 21, 2005, 15:54:59 Quote Funnily enough (in a non-joke way) I read this old thread today :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick: Thats class,i especially like boeta's point of view :) . Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Danjackson10 on Wednesday, September 21, 2005, 16:02:59 Jokes are shit, id rather a nice fact like:
In Carrizozo It's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public! Fact! Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Sade on Wednesday, September 21, 2005, 16:44:48 German women should take a leap out of their books then :?
Quote from: "Danjackson10" Jokes are shit, id rather a nice fact like: In Carrizozo It's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public! Fact! Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Rossi on Wednesday, September 21, 2005, 16:49:09 Quote from: "sade" A classic.................what do you call a women with one leg? Eileen..... :D still makes me laugh. What do you call a boy with a paper bag on his head? Russel Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Sade on Thursday, September 22, 2005, 10:54:45 :soapy tit wank: hahaha!I'm sure I could make loads of ones like that up just on the spot!
Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: walrus on Thursday, September 22, 2005, 11:01:38 What do you call a ball with a 1 inch willy?
Justin :| Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Mexicano Rojo on Thursday, September 22, 2005, 11:07:52 wheres the soap? i do believe it is using a play on letters spazzers as in to ware something out, or when something is worn out.
jesus sometimes i wonder about this forum. Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: walrus on Thursday, September 22, 2005, 11:19:35 Quote from: "mexico red" wheres the soap? i do believe it is using a play on letters spazzers as in to ware something out, or when something is worn out. jesus sometimes i wonder about this forum. I got it, but had to think about it, but it is a bit of a crap joke - it's more of a spoken one than a written one. Not a joke but funny: 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? 2. People who are willing to get off their #### to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. 3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". F*cking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it? 4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? 5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f*cking floor. 6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?. Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine? 7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new,then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. 8. When people say "life is short". What the f*ck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f*cking does!! What can you do that's longer? 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head? 10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. so what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots? 11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate. 12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need. 13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering..... It has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f*cking McTosser. Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: janaage on Thursday, September 22, 2005, 11:23:09 8, 9, 10, 11 and 13 are shit. Actually most of them are shit. What comedian came up with those?
Isn't it "life's too short" btw? Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: walrus on Thursday, September 22, 2005, 11:25:12 Quote from: "janaage" 8, 9, 10, 11 and 13 are shit. Actually most of them are shit. What comedian came up with those? Isn't it "life's too short" btw? The legend Billy Connolly. I thought most were quite funny, particularly 13. You're not a McDonald's worker Jan are you?! Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Sade on Thursday, September 22, 2005, 11:25:59 I do number 12 alot,especially when I've been drinking :oops:
Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: walrus on Thursday, September 22, 2005, 11:27:29 Quote from: "sade" I do number 12 alot,especially when I've been drinking :oops: So do I, though it's alright for me as I'm a bloke. Very unladylike of you! :D Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Sade on Thursday, September 22, 2005, 11:29:59 :soapy tit wank: I know,I got a bit like that a few weekends ago and was sat in a bar with my cousins and I apparently announced/shouted 'Right girls I'm going for a piss now,save my seat' :oops: :| maybe I should not of said that!
Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: janaage on Thursday, September 22, 2005, 11:33:05 Really, that's the big Yin? Surprised, i like his stuff usually, but I though half of those were toss.
No never been a Maccie D's worker thanks. Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Bedford Red on Thursday, September 22, 2005, 18:58:53 I thought they were quite funny, I've got some of Billy Connelly's video's, think he's really good.
Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: sonicyouth on Thursday, September 22, 2005, 19:06:57 How do you sell a lamb to a deaf man?
DO YOU WANT TO BUY A LAMB? Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Boeta on Thursday, September 22, 2005, 19:48:14 Quote from: "sonicyouth" How do you sell a lamb to a deaf man? DO YOU WANT TO BUY A LAMB? Just because a man's deaf doesn't mean you need to use size 24 font. That would be if he's partially sighted :o Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Whits on Thursday, September 22, 2005, 21:58:22 What do you do once you've had a baby?
put the nappy back on :| Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: walrus on Friday, September 23, 2005, 09:34:32 What's so good about shagging twenty one year olds?
There's 20 of them :? Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: land_of_bo on Friday, September 23, 2005, 09:36:44 What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?
Can you change 2 5's for a 10? Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: DMR on Friday, September 23, 2005, 09:44:22 whats the best thing about shagging an 8 year old boy?
you can flip him over and pretend he's an 8 year old girl :? Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Kinky Tom on Friday, September 23, 2005, 09:47:42 What's the best thing about shagging little girls?
You can flip them over and pretend they're little boys. :| Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Kinky Tom on Friday, September 23, 2005, 09:48:38 Bugger, was just typing mine, and the phone rang, completed it to find DMR has posted near as damn it the same joke. :evil:
Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: DMR on Friday, September 23, 2005, 09:49:38 easy, easy, easy
Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: Rossi on Friday, September 23, 2005, 10:31:16 What have Michael Jackson and Santa Claus got in common?
They both leave childrens rooms with empty sacks Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: walrus on Friday, September 23, 2005, 11:15:33 What's the difference between a Jew and a Potato?
Potatoes don't scream when you put them in the oven!! Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: land_of_bo on Friday, September 23, 2005, 11:56:26 A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," she prays, "if I don't get some cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder, saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak. "Sweetheart, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket." Title: We havent had a joke thread in ages! Post by: flammableBen on Friday, September 23, 2005, 16:09:09 How do you know a blonde is having a bad day?
She's got a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil. |