Thetownend.com

A flashback to Football Hell

Tedium, who was born afresh once every generation, was sitting quietly in a sort of celestial changing-room that floated on some delicate astral plane. A gentle breeze occasionally rippled through the room, carrying with it a thousand faintly shimmering stars that danced playfully around her a few moments before breathlessly hurrying onwards.

In this outdoor changing room, Tedium had been sitting for a decade, lazily contemplating her bland and predictable spirit. Presently, during the course of a conversation she had with a white, ghostly voice that was carried on the breeze, it became known to her that she was soon to be born anew.

It was a long conversation, of which only fragments are repeated here.

TEDIUM (Yawning): To where will I be sent this time?

THE VOICE: You are to be born in to something called The Premiership.

TEDIUM: Is it an exciting time to be visiting this place? I do loathe excitement and entertainment. Bright lights and high spirits always leave me terribly weary.

THE VOICE: You need have no concerns; your time there will be as bland as a ha'penny.

TEDIUM: Oh good.

THE VOICE (Disheartened): Yes, Tedium, you will be at home there. (Sighing) Not long ago, The Premiership was ever such an exciting place; unpredictable and refreshing, it captured the hearts of a whole continent. People were in awe at its beautiful potential.

TEDIUM: It sounds vulgar. What happened? Where did all that tasteless stimulation and excitement disappear to?

THE VOICE: Acting much like a little boy might do with a new teddy-bear, a rather strange little man from a very cold country decided to take The Premiership as his new favourite play-thing.

TEDIUM: (Casually) Oh?

THE VOICE: He played with it every day; taking it every where he went and showing it to everyone he met. All his friends were soon very jealous, for it was all anyone ever talked about.

TEDIUM: Mmm.

THE VOICE: Soon, though, it became tired and worn, and it started to fall apart at the seams. It began to lose the vibrant and beautiful colours that made it so exciting in the beginning.

TEDIUM: (With a little more interest): It grew... boring?

THE VOICE: Very boring. Suddenly The Premiership didn't seem like such an exciting play-thing. Although the strange little man still loved it as he always had, other people quickly began to lose interest. It ceased to inspire and excite them as it once did; soon people were no longer talking about how wonderful it was, but would say that it was all a little dull. They began to think that it was better before the man had got hold of it and hugged all the life out of it.

TEDIUM: Good. So now there are no bright lights or high spirits in this Premiership? None of that tiresome thing they call adventure?

THE VOICE: None. Just monotony and predictability and weariness.

TEDIUM (Doggedly): Good. How long will I be staying there?

THE VOICE: It's hard to say. All the signs suggest that you will reign for quite a long time. Perhaps (here there was a long pause, during which there is a new sound that might have been The Voice sobbing quietly in to a handkerchief)& you will never leave.

TEDIUM: Excellent. I like being somewhere for the long haul. And will the people there like me?

THE VOICE: No, first you will be hated. Then, you will be ignored. And then, finally, you will be unloved and discarded. Just like an old teddy-bear...

The dialogue ends here, with Tedium still sitting idly in the changing room, musing over how long she would rule in this new humdrum world.

All this took place on Saturday morning, just moments before the first of this weekend's Premiership fixtures kicked-off.

i don't know where all this media hum-drum about the premiership being boring has suddenly come from, anyone who's been paying close attention will know that the top league has been dull for a long time now.

Yeah I was wondering when had it become less interesting than it already was?

It went through a 10 year period of being extremely boring but it's improved now and the last couple of years have been much better.

you must be talking about eastenders, right?

No the premiership, it was so dull when it was just Man United and Arsenal winning every year. Finally someone else is winning it. It's great.
 :beers:

ahh, chelsea fan then...

No I'd rather anyone win in that Man United or Arsenal. Spurs would be my ideal choice other than Swindon but I'm quite happy to see Chelsea win and they're a superb team to watch.

Are you insane?

Man Utd and Arsenal played THE most fantastic football when they were winning the Premiership. Just because Chelsea are someone new doesnt make it exciting. Chelsea are a dull winning machine, even their own fans are getting bored of them.

You could not be more wrong.

I don't know about you but I think there is some great football going on in the prem and last seasons relegation battle was top notch.

Well the average is now less than 2 goals per game in the Premiership - the whole draw of it in the first place was that there was more goal-mouth action than elswhere - now it's a poor imitation of Serie A.

Chelsea play some great stuff, I saw the Charlton game and Robben and Essien were outstanding, Robben's goal was superb. They're not dull, they are certainly the best team to watch in the premiership.

I could never enjoy watching Arsenal play anyway but really whenever I've watched them I've not been particularly impressed or entertained, same with Man United, only reason I'd watch them is to see Rooney play but take last years fa cup final Man United V Arsenal and one of the dullest ones in ages.

I think the only reason Chelsea are getting the criticism is Abramovich but some of the claims that they play long ball are nonsense. They don't at all, they mix it up and that's what I like to see. Arsenal have become too predictable.

Bet you wouldn't complain if we were as predictable as Arsenal.

For my money the best style of play since the Premiership conception is the Arsenal of a couple of seasons ago - they just oozed class - I bet you play similar on Pro Evo - it's all about movement and cohesion.

Arse 1-0 up against Everton, Sol Campbell the scorer.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I play a bit like Chelsea on pro evo, very strong defence and don't concede much. I kept 10 consecutive clean sheets on online pro evo.

2 0 now, a Sol Campbell double!  :shock:

' They're not dull, they are certainly the best team to watch in the premiership. '

:roll:  :roll:  :roll:  :roll:  :roll:  :roll:  :roll:  :roll:  :roll:  :roll:  :roll:  :roll:


Chelsea are dull because you know they have won if they go 1-0 up. They Premiership levelled out 2 years ago and is now on its first down turn, be interesting to see how it copes. Mourinho's tactics are effective, but they will sweep in a prevailing trend of defensive football, just as AC Milan's effectiveness did in the late 80's.

And certainly not the best team to watch. Why else would they have 10,000 empty seats for a Champs League game? Their own fans are bored.

Arsene Wenger "I'm very concerned. I feel the attraction of English football has always been positive but now the trend is to attack less," said Wenger. "If this starts to get into the brain of football it will go downhill quickly."

Your way out of sink Ben. Last seasons FA cup final is part of the very prevailing wind that we are talking about. Remmember the 99 FA cup Semi? Overmars' winner at OT. United comming from 2 down to beat Villa with 13,000 Red Army? All those years of 'Giggs will tear you apart again'. Cantona. Keegans Newcastle / Asprilla. Bergkamps hat trick at Leicester. Liverpool Vs Newcastle - Collymores winner. Shearer and Sutton. Ginolas goals. 4-4-2. Thats what the Premierships repuation was founded on. Its fading fast. New stadiums attract no nothing fans. Foreign players and British managers was a good combo. Foreign players and foreign managers? You might as well watch Serie A.

Chelsea will win the title by over 15 points this season with a record number of goals conceeded. So its not Arsenal or Man Utd. Who gives a fuck? They are dull as dishwater. No soul. Used to play in front of 10k in the early 90's tripe.

To be honest Im suprised Ive even bothered to put an argument because there isnt any need.

Using the same argument Arsenal were dull two seasons ago as you knew they weren't going to lose right from the start of the game as they didn't all season. Like you say Chelsea only got 10k a week in the early 90's so it's not surprising they don't fill up every week but that's mainly because of the huge ticket prices.

I've just read this article by Alan Hansen and it's absolutely spot on. He's always been the pundit that talks the most sense anyway.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/eng_prem/4259992.stm

Yep. damn right



I've not seen any team play football like arsenal did in parts of thier unbeaten season. such pace, movement and genral skill had to be admired, and they ripped some teams to pieces.

Chelsea are just efficient, although currently evry bit as good.

That would be Allan Hansen. That exponent of fast flowing attacking football.  :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

Vested interest anyway.

Premiership - not nearly as good as it was. Case closed.

I have to agree Spencer, some great memories there, one of my favourites is Philipe Albert's chip in the Toon's demolition of Man Yoo, or Blackburn losing a last minute goal at Anfield, yet still winning the title!

Nah not as good as it was in 1993/1994 but after that it was just plain dull up until last season which was much better and the best game of last season (though not a premiership game) other than Swindon undoubtably Chelsea V Barcelona the second leg that was a hell of a game, better than the european cup final.

I don't remember Man United coming from 2-0 down to beat villa at all, what's so interesting about that. If it was villa coming from 2-0 down to beat Man united now you're talking.

'I don't remember Man United coming from 2-0 down to beat villa at all, what's so interesting about that. If it was villa coming from 2-0 down to beat Man united now you're talking.'

Probably the most mental cup tie this decade. Anyone care to enlighten Ben on this match?  :mrgreen:

I cant be fucked.

Think it was an FA Cup tie, played on a saturday night (6pm kick off). Villa 2-0 up and crusing, Man U score 3 in the last 20 minutes to go through. Pandemoniam in the stands and pitch invasion to boot.

Just another man united win....great. Give me Swindon coming back against Sheffield Wednesday every single time.

Found the match report. http://football.guardian.co.uk/Match_Report/0,1527,628747,00.html

Doesn't sound anything special, if I'd watched I'd have been gutted for villa. This was a game. http://www.noticias.info/Archivo/2005/200503/20050309/20050309_51239.shtm

Thing is I can't stand Manchester United so I'd always find a dull game that they lose a lot more entertaining than any game that they win.

:nod:

That is one of the best goals in the Premiership history for me - he just made it look so, so easy - he managed to carry a tache off very well too.

Again, I'm in agreement with Spencer.

I'm football mad, I'll watch any level any time any place. I've stood out in thunder and lightening watch a bunch of no names just for something to do.

After playing football sunday morning I watch the last 20 minutes of the first half of Liverpool Vs Manchester United, it was so dull I went and walked by dog instead of watching the second half

A few years back I would have been glued to my seat, watching frantic hard attacking flowing football.

The only Sky premiership game I've managed to sit the whole way through was West Ham Vs Aston Villa, because West Ham know how to play football, breath of fresh air

Yep, it's an absolute travisty that West Ham will probably finish below teams like Bolton, who just play this boring defensive crap - I said that to my dad the other day - I think West Ham have been the best team to watch so far.

I really hope they shit a few teams up and finish well, I really do....for the good of football come on you hammers!

I am a big fan of the hammers as well. It was refreshing when Alan Pardew said after the win at Fulham 'We have Arsenal next and we are going to give them a right good go'. Refreshing to hear. (I have just realised I have used the word refreshing twice in one post! :oops: )

Up the Ammers! :beers:

Only twice?

Doh!! :wall:

Shit match report. What does the Guardian know about football anyway? Theyve probably had about 2 Swindon reports in the last 5 years.

got to agree with spencer on this, the prem was so much better back in the days of cantona & asprilla etc. its still good to watch at times, but the bigger teams are getting more boring & defensive. surprised nobodys mentioned liverpool yet, proper 1-0 specialists in the last few years.

the french league is the best to watch at the moment IMO, not necessarily for the players, but because its more exciting & every team is capable of beating eachother. fair enough lyon have won the title 3 years in a row, but theres always a good battle for 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc.

I can' t believe anyone could slate the mid 90's Utd and late 90's early 2000's Arsenal.  Those two sides played some of the best club football I've ever seen.

:nod:

Makes no difference how much I loath Utd. they were very good to watch in their hey day - I've already had my say on Arsenal, class.

Finally now people are starting to take notice. Its been like this for years and it makes me happy to be a Town fan.

I prefer to South-American football the passion is intense and the football is alot better than people think.

Fuck me, I need more than the premiership being dull to make me happy to be a town fan right now. 3 points on saturday would be a good start.

Sorry but ive watched some of that South American footy and its awful!, the commentator sounds like he's falling asleep.

Each to their own i guess. Three points at Bradford all the same!

It is indeed scant consolation.Although as a lower league fan it does make me laugh.
The premiership has been boring me to tears for years now,i mean we criticize the SPL for being a 2 horse race,but the same could be said about the premiership.The monopoly on the championship means that there are clubs that aren't going to do anything,and the best they can hope for is not to go down or to finish in the top half.Some of the clubs are ruled by the fear of going down so they do what they have to do to stay up,if that means kicking the shit out of teams or sitting back and not playing good football,then so be it because they need the MONEY.