Thetownend.com

So I just got off the phone with an Indian chap who insisted he was from 'Windows Computer Company' and that they had had warnings about my computer having serious problems and that would I help them fixing it. Patent bollocks, but I had a good laugh giving him the runaround as I usually do with cold callers.

Tried to get their number but it was blocked unsurprisingly. Does anyone know of a decent way to report such things? Quick google turned up not a lot as Ofcom apparently can't deal with international problems.

Before anyone suggests I'm already with TPS.

I don't think there's much you can do to block them once they've got your number from somewhere.

Just make the most of it and have some fun with them.

Yeah, you can't do anything to stop them unfortunately.

I worked in a call centre cold calling when I was at university.

Horrible, horrible job that I hated but the hours were good, as was the money.

Funnily enough, the overwhelming majority of the poor souls I had to talk to were perfectly polite.

If it is an unsolicited call( cold call ) be as rude as you want, i have asked a very annoying woman who would not take the hint that i wasn't interested in a new show kitchen if she had big tits & if she was partial to a bit of anal,she then told me that the call was recorded & that her company was going to sue me. I pointed out that the recording was inadmissible in court as it was a unsolicited call & also that as the was recorded that i had to be made aware of it when she started the call.
This doesn't apply if you ring the company or if you ask them to call you back i.e your bank or a company that you call for a quote/ appointment.

So, did you get a new kitchen?

If I got a cold call during the day when no-one else was home I'd sometimes ask them to hold the line whilst I got someone who they could speak to. I'd then just leave them there.

This evolved when I downloaded a horror scream sound effect and could play it very loudly through the speakers in my front room.

I answered that when i said i wasn't interested.

Did you Jizz on her tits?

Friend of mine who I class as very intelligent got caught on the computer scam and went with it!

Another friend does the leaving the phone bit after telling the caller she has to go and sharpen her pencil to take notes.

Normally you have only to say that you are on the TPS and they hang up although my wife had a recent argument with an Indian caller who said that the TPS did not apply to him - got short shrift naturally.

Next time I might say it's convenient they phoned as I am with the MET Fraud Prevention Squad, see how long it takes them to hang up.

£100 says this is a lie.

I did at Uni, and to be honest it's served me quite well - I'm in sales, and a thick skin helps.

As for the hilarious prank about walking off and leaving the phone on - we got paid commission by the amount of minutes we retained anyway, so nice one - money for fuck all.

It would still achieve the objective, which is to punish the company doing the cold calling, not the poor sap making the call. In fact all the more so, as it's costing them for the call and in paying out "money for fuck all". I normally tell them to get knotted and put the phone down but in the light of this I might try leaving the call connected too.

I'd just say "Nobody lives here, you've called a phone box and I just happened to be passing by"

What's a phone box?

Have you never been to Calne?

It's where you get changed in to your superman costume.

Nope, Not even sure where it is.

Brown Bottle from Viz more like..

Just had the same call!!  Started telling me a fault had been reported on my computer and he was going to help me fix it.  I asked him which one and he said the one you are on now, I told him the fault I had was on my computer but at the moment I was on my wife's machine.  That stopped him for a while but he came back and told me he could fix my computer, so I went very thick and said how could he fix my computer if I am on my wife's computer!!  He then realised what I was on so said please swithc your computer on, I asked which one, he said how many have you got, I said two but could he tell me which one was faulty!  He told me I needed to switch the faulty one on so I asked him how could I if the power switch was broken, but I will switch the other one on, with that he said he would check the other one if I did switch it on, I asked him "how much" and he said it all depends.  I told him I didn't have a debit card or credit card but if he could invoice me on satisfactory completion I would forward him a cheque by return. I was very surprised when the phone went dead!!  Must have had him on there for ten minutes - and it was all lies, my wife does not have a computer and I actually have one that is only three weeks old!!

The windows scam is a very old one, and they only tend to ring once.

Haven't had one, but I know someone who played the windows trick on a mac...

They've called me before. I did the whole "oh, shit you're right it isn't working". Played along for a bit and then said "oh hang on, it's not plugged in - great all working now thanks a lot" etc. and hung up the phone.

My Mrs. got a call from a 'company' recently claiming that they had a program which would help with our website's SEO (something that we need). They wanted her to use a program to give them remote access to the computer so they could install said program. The wife can be quite naive in this sort of thing so I'm pleased she asked me before doing anything.

That's my 'cool story bro' contribution to this thread.

An indian chap has just rung from a company called "the worldwide web" saying my computer was sending  his server error messages and that he could fix it.

We had a nice chat for 10 mins or so.:-)

I've never had a cold call. I'm 30. I think that's quite an achievement.

I think I have previously shared my conversation with an Indian man about a problem with my windows on this forum.... It took him a while to realise I was talking about my windows whilst he was trying to fix a virus in my windows which got quite confusing when I was complaining about the cold and he was thinking the cold was a virus  and actually I had caught a virus because my windows made me very cold... It was a long conversation that ended with him putting the phone down on me...

My approaching 80 year old father got a call telling him he had a problem with Windows. He told them he couldn't have as he had just had them replaced. Now the house was nice and toasty with no draughts! He could see that having the extra layer was most beneficial and the upvc surrounds wouldn't need maintenance either! They then clarified and said ' No, not your double glazing, your computer!' His reply was to suggest that they call Bill Gates if they were having problems with his computer as Bill was a clever chap and could probably fix it.

Well done Dad!

I've had them call me on at least 2 occasions I can recall. The first time they called I told them to fuck off, but decided I needed a virtual machine of Windows in case they called again, so I could let them play in the sandbox.

Next time they called I was prepared to let them do their worst to a VM for fun, only it wasn't fun and I got so bored with the amount of time it was taking the prick, my tolerance levels ran out and I hung up.

Brilliant. I get the kids to answer the phone and talk to them. Its ace when you get a 7 year old telling some indian chap about their day at school...."then we had break, then we had guided reading, then talk partners"

Alternatively my other fave is when I get a cold call about replacement windows I tell them that I am really interested but only if they give me their home phone number and I can call them at the weekend or when they are not at work. They don't seem to like this idea and tend to hang up.

Just had a text saying I've been approved for £4150 for an accident I had recently.

Seeing as everything has already been settled I'm guessing it's another scam

I had a call saying i could get compensation for an accident, So I say ahh that it must be the time when I fell off my unicycle and  ran over a clown who is now trying to sue me for his dry cleaning bill to remove the custard pie stains,( or something along those lines)  I kept this up for ages and the bloke was obviously typing it up as a report, it then clicked with him i was taking the piss and he put his suppervisor on who had a go at me for wasting their time  :D

You were cold called and then chastised for wasting 'their' time? Nice!

Just start singing down the phone to them, ask if they have any requests.

Or just say 'I don't live here, I'm the cleaner'

More absolute bullshit.

£1000 says you never had this conversation.

So you've never been run over with a unicycle then Dave?   :)

well seeing as I recorded it you better have your grand ready, like i said thats not word for word but near enough.

will upload shortly

in fact if you get me a season ticket we can call it quits

I, and probably everyone else on here hopes you did!

I'll do a Kevin Keegan If that happens :)

The Recording
 :)
Not Safe For Work as I tell the supervisor to fuck off

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1R499dxkPNQ

Brilliant! Brilliant! That is absolutely cracking!  :clap:  :thumb:

Did tell one that I didn't actually live here - but I was the local burglar!

Kerching. Nice grand earned

Must have been transferred to your bank by now surely?

You would have thought so when its cleared I will get a round in for all TEFers

Something random for us to listen to during the lull.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgxEJOi6GtA

Dunno why Meat is Murder is showing, it wasn't on that album  :)

This thread is surprisingly quiet.

 :tumbleweed:

Still waiting for the transfer  :sherlock:

Fair one, you got me.

1-0 to the cunt sad enough to record recorded cold calls.

Did you actually listen to it Dave?

He's too busy going down the bank to get the money no doubt.

I can honestly say I did not

Fair play. Prepared to stump up based on trust. Top man!

http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CDQQtwIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dmkdoogjic4I&ei=B3cIU6GTLMnTtQaWr4HQDQ&usg=AFQjCNFxHV9ibRCJSsPTbd_KtdSFfaWH0Q&sig2=CQmFMvR-ORuggoohjL32hw&bvm=bv.61725948,d.Yms

Glorious.