Thetownend.com

i have never, ever, ever, ever, played cricket properly.  I am on Sunday.

Help!

Someone give me batting/bowling tips, as i have no idea.

How do i pull off some lovely leg spin, for example?

Batting, hit it as hard as you can off every ball, make sure it goes over the rope and you get 6 runs. Bowling, hit the stumps every time.

Don't bother spinning your leg that's just showboating.

You gota keep your eye on the ball Brian!!!  Except at lunch and tea (and in the changing rooms)

Where is this highly comical event taking place?

Highworth.  Dear God, i'm gonna be awful...

pay Boeta to give you a few lessons. If you haven't played before, then prepare for the worse.
Just hope you don't get a nice opening bouncer. :P

when bowling aim for the middle stump

:o  :wink:

 :soapy tit wank:

Shout WIDE!!!!! after every delivery.

Thanks guys...  8)  i think i'll just try and wing it...

Ill pop over and have a watch!!! :P

Bring a nice freash bottle top from your last drink and pick the seam on the ball. Works wonders, (ask Mr Atherton).

Its gonna take time to master the art of Batting and Bowling, when i used to play i made sure i went in at 11 so i had no pressure on me and it also gave me the freedom to just go out all guns blazing!.

Depends what sort of game it is...

If its one innings....they will probably make you batsman 11 and you wont get in

Then they will just stick you out on the boundry when you're team is fielding

i can do that...

I have a feeling i'm actually gonna have some immense cricket talent i never knew about...

when batting just lift your bat before he bowls, then just try and judge where the balls going to go and hit....itsa what i do generally though, and my batting average this season is 2.75  :soapy tit wank:

if you bowl...don't worry about speed so much, just pitch it in the right place and they won't be able to do to much damage.

if you're playing on the highworth, get on the front foot as the ball never gets above knee heigh on that football pitch.... i mean cricket field  :-))(

Just get down the pitch and hit it off with your pads and then you can never be given out. Say you have a side strain and can't bowl.

In a game the other week I said I had pulled a muscle and couldn't bowl well cos all our bowlers were getting slaughtered and I ended up with figures 10-0-5-38  :soapy tit wank:

It was ace, i hit 3  8)

Until this year i hated all things cricket.  Now i watch it whenever i can, i really want to go to one of the Ashes tests, and i wouldn't mind playing every weekend.  What's happening to me??

your becoming cool  :advercool:

the same thing that's happening to me! I'd rather watch an England test match than the FA Cup final.

Let's join a cricket club, SY.

Do i have a better average than you now, Johno?

I used to be a good fast bowler...

i was good at raiding the tea-time buffet and downing cider...

yes you do.... :(

I could out-raid you  :x

p.s. shouldn't your sig say 'bandwagon'?

8)  :D

Yeah, it should do... well spotted.  :?

My average must be about 4 this year.
Technically Dave, your average doesn't count because you have only been out once, but we'll let you off!

i should join a team really. i see myself as a bit of an all rounder although my batting is a bit dodgy at times. the tip to good batting is to play down the ground early on and dont play shots outside off stump unless the footwork is right (which is never the case with me)

Tell Trezza that...

Thanks...  8)

I'm a nice guy really!