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One of our longer ones...Enjoy.

Swindon Town’s first league game returns Saturday where Swindon make the ‘short’ trip up to Hartlepool. In preparation, ‘An Opposing View’ returns with Hartlepool fan David Jolly who talks things from new signings, Nathan Luscombe’s physique and what we can expect from his side. Oh, and Lawrence the transvestite.

How would you assess your summer so far?

Our summer has been slightly eventful giving that we released seven players to free up funds. That saw us linked with a lot of players but however, we've only made three signings (Howard, Franks and Walton) who have impressed in pre-season, so it's good to see quality over quantity.
Also, over the summer, it was also great to see the off-field plans of the club's ambition to purchase the ground from the local council which would see plans for the ground to be expanded and development in the local area but whether or not the council will accept the club's plans is another matter (which unfortunately, they have done a few times now!)


With Hartlepool releasing Adam Boyd, Nobby Solano and James Brown; have they signed suitable replacements and any other signings for Hartlepool?

Our strikers have struggled for goals in the last two seasons, last season Boyd hit the back of the net six times and was in and out of the squad. I feel that we've suitably replaced him with Steve Howard who brings experience to the side and his good aerial ability.
It was disappointing to see James Brown leave due to the fact that if he wasn't so incredibly unlucky with injuries, chances are he may have played at a higher level. Although in football terms, it was the right decision due it being unlikely he'd play in the majority of league games. I don't feel that we've replaced James Brown yet as we haven't signed a player with his kind of trickery, ability to beat players and his foot balling brain but a player like that will be difficult to find on our budget.
Nobby Solano played over just half of the season but during the time when he didn't play, we didn't a suitable right-winger or a midfielder with his ability on set-pieces, crossing and his ability to read the game. Whilst Nobby did have quality, he lacked pace which wasn't too surprising given his age; we've signed winger Jonathan Franks on a free transfer from Middlesbrough and he adds pace to our game and also looks to have a good cross on him so it looks like he could be a suitable replacement for Nobby but we currently don't have a player in the side with Solano's set-piece ability.
We've also signed tough tackling central midfielder Simon Walton from Plymouth; he came here with mixed reviews from the Argyle fans but looks like a player who could work well with our squad with his strength.
We currently have two players on trial, young goalkeeper Adam McHugh and midfielder Nathan Porritt so we aren't done in the transfer market just yet.



Pre-season is always a shock to the players upon return, how have Hartlepool faired out and any results that stand out or disappoint you?

After a disappointing tour of Holland which ended up in two defeats to two Dutch second division sides, it was shortly followed up by a 1-1 draw to lowly Whitby Town.
However, our first home friendly was a very encouraging and positive performance against a strong Sunderland side which saw us run out with a 1-0 victory. Following this, were two credible results against Middlesbrough and Hull which ended 2-2 and 1-1 respectively before crashing down to earth with a 5-1 mauling against Newcastle which us go 3-0 down in just 15 minutes.
So all in all, it's been a mixed batch of results in pre-season for us with some decent performances but also some poor ones too.


In your opinion, who has impressed you the most during pre-season and who has disappointed you the most?

Striker Steve Howard has shown in pre-season what a nuisance he can be by winning aerial battles and acting as a battering ram in the box which saw him score the winner against Sunderland.
On the other hand, however, Nathan Luscombe came back to pre-season training unfit (you only have to put his name into Google Images to see his, erm, physique!) and didn't attend our tour of Holland due to his fitness and was giving an ultimatum to either shape up or leave. Whilst Nathan is a talented player and it could be said that he has done well in his brief substitute appearances, he is a long way for him to be fully fit for league football.


What style of football can Swindon fans expect from Hartlepool?

To be honest, last season the football wasn't great. We often played hoofball when at the time we had short strikers who would prefer the ball being played to their feet, so this style of football was never going to work, but however centre-forward Steve Howard could be the kind of player we need to play in that role.


Are there any Hartlepool players that Swindon should keep a close eye out for?

17-year-old winger/striker Luke James has impressed the fans with his pace, strength and overall ability which saw him win our Goal of the Season Award for his stunning strike against Rochdale and his performances have reportedly led to interest from Newcastle, Bolton and Celtic.
There are other young talented players at the club, such as Jack Baldwin, Darren Holden and Josh Rowbotham who got some first team experience last season and will be looking to build on that and feature more in the first team this season.
The tough-tackling journeyman Paul Murray won last season's Player of the Year Award and Players' Player of the Year Award but hasn't featured much in this pre-season and was an unused substitute in the League Cup game against Crewe but may well feature on Saturday if Cooper decides to shake up the squad after our heavy defeat.


You recently succumbed to a 5-0 defeat to the hands of League One new boys Crewe; how do you think the team will react?

Neale Cooper isn't a manager who minces his words and he labelled the defending as 'shambolic' and 'embarrassing'. He's known for his motivational and man-management skills which should hopefully get a positive reaction from the players to up their game.


Paolo Di Canio certainly set alight touchlines up and down the country in League Two with his wild antics, what are your thoughts on him?

I honestly liked seeing Di Canio's touchline antics and post-match interviews which are far more entertaining than what you'll get from a gaffer who just stays in the dugout all game. He also seems to be an ambitious manager with a passion for winning games and I can't see anything wrong with that!


For the fans who have never had the pleasure of making the ‘short’ trip to Hartlepool, could you tell us the best places to visit pre-match for a bite to eat or for a few pints?

There's a pub on the corner of the ground near the away end aptly named The Corner Flag and whilst there is a small 50p entrance fee, it's an away friendly pub which shows live games on a big screen in the upstairs of the pub. There's another away friendly pub called The Jackson's Wharf which also serves food and is located on the Marina, which is about a five minute walk away from the ground, although there's no TV there to show live games. Also Victoria Park is a short distance away from the town centre and there are a few places nearby there for a few pints, although it should be pointed out that there isn't much to see in the town centre itself!
Or if you just fancy some fast food, there is a McDonald's opposite ASDA (which is about a two minute walk from the ground) and additionally, there's also a KFC, Pizza Hut and a Burger King nearby.


Andy Monkhouse is a player highly despised by Swindon fans for his middle finger gestures at our fans, even though leaving us on good terms. How is he fairing at Hartlepool?

Over the last six years with club, Monkhouse has been a good servant and has had some good moments with us including promotion in 2007. However, Andy had a poor season last year, mainly due to him being played out of position and not being as quick as he once was.
Our new signing Jonathan Franks can play either wing and adds pace to the side, so he may well force Monkhouse out of the first team this season.


Tell us about the infamous ‘Lawrence’, who although from Hartlepool, chooses to sit in the away end whenever you’re at home?

Lawrence is one of the many colourful characters that you'll have the, erm, pleasure of meeting in Hartlepool, mainly in the away end wearing a dress. The infamous transvestite must own over 100 football shirts, but not one of those being a Hartlepool top, I remember once seeing him walk around town in a long skirt, high heels, a fake pony tail and strangely a Colchester United top!

The majority of videos of him on YouTube have been taken down now but there once was a bizarre video on there before where he was talking about how he friends with some of the former Hartlepool players and then went onto to claim that he was actually Michael Ballack's cousin (I kid you not, he really did say that) and he was the one persuaded him to join Chelsea! Shame he couldn't manage to get his 'cousin' up to the North-East...

The main rumour about him dressing like he does is that they're actually his deceased mother's clothes which he started to wear after she passed away. Whether this or one of the many dozens of rumours about him are true or not, one thing is for certain and that is that I live in a very strange town!


So, all things said, what are your predictions for Saturday’s opener?

I'm predicting a tough game for us which pan out as 1-1 draw.
You can follow David on Twitter @davidj_93

If you haven't had chance to see Nathan Luscombe, Google him.

Behold Nathan Luscombe. A winger with a professional football club.

[url width=220 height=338]http://i.imgur.com/oIqGn.jpg[/url][url width=595 height=418]http://i.imgur.com/fmWGQ.jpg[/url]

[url width=300 height=300]http://i.imgur.com/Ch1PC.jpg[/url]

Ha ha

What the fuck?

At first I thought he was having me on as first thought he was kit man!

He has sampled some pies, it's fair to say  :I'm a complete mofleakin Deak

I think he's the fattest professional I've ever seen. Although Carlisle had a centre half a few seasons back, ex-Leeds, and he was also impressively fat and might possibly have been fatter.

Am I the only person who's never heard of Lawrence the Transvestite?

I'm not sure he's always dressed as a bird, but I think he was the mulleted bloke, not unlike a special Ian McShane, in a full Chelsea strip (socks, shorts, the lot) last time I went - the time I met you yeo.

Jesus, you joke about the Akinfenwas and Trundles of this world but that is genuinely unprofessional. Ruddock-esque

He's apparently a winger aswell. Quality!

There is hope for us in all in becoming professional footballers.

He's got bigger tits than me.  I like him.  Hope he plays.

Those pictures are from last pre-season i think

Think you're right. But it sounds like he's come back in a pretty poor state again this year!

I'd never heard of him.

Wearing his dead mothers clothes sounds a bit spooky. Fancy getting the seat or standing next to that, he he.

I saw Lawrence on a previous visit to Hartlepool; in the away end wearing full Chelsea kit (socks & all).

The bloke asking him the question sounds like Vic Reeves :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick: :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pD6cqbF2XdM&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pD6cqbF2XdM&feature=related)

If he's a winger and playing Ritchie, Mceverly, Caddis (Or devera) and whoever the hell plays on the right will have a field day!

Lawrence loved us when we had Wise as manager, a harmless (special needs) chap who gets a lot of abuse. I did read a news report last years that he got arrested by police when someone was found dead in the block of flats he lives in.

Every team has their own characters, like are own Bullshit Phil without the dress.

Ballack!

Bullshit Phil?

I'm guessing that's the bloke in the green fleece type thing and red cap. The one that once he starts talking to you, you cannot get away from.

Is he the chap that has teeth missing, does quite a few away games? Always thought of him as Nobby for some reason

If you bothered to queue up for Oxford away tickets last season you would know... :)

I was in York ya cunt. I spent £20 on my mobile in trying to get tickets.

In fairness to Phil he does stand/sit in the right end.

Seem to remember Lawrence in that full Chelsea kit a few years back. Seemed harmless if a bit nuts.

http://www.hartlepoolmail.co.uk/news/local/booze-rates-shock-for-town-1-4836945

Bodes well for Saturday. We'll fit right in....

Just spoke to a Poolie that I work with.

Apparently the view on Luscombe is - Not a winger these days....central midfield. We got him from S'land last season but to be honest he's hardly played......very overweight and not a likely starter'

He says they will play 4-5-1 with Franks on the RW, Monkhouse on the LW and Parkin up front.

Great! That twat Monkhouse better not score again.

Parkin? Does he mean Howard?

Doh, he said Howard and I put Parkin in for some reason!!

Was gonna say, hardcore fan is he?

Speaking of Parkin - its just suddenly hit me that because the season is starting late this season the 10th [TENTH!!] anniversary of Super Sammy Parkin's fantastic debut has passed.

10 fucking years!!

He must skittles over defenders like a ten pin bowling ball!

I'll never forget him walking into the cgh after his last game for us & thanking the fans for all of their support.

An excuse to cite...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pupHeSHOEE