Thetownend.com

"Imagine if there was no religion" , was voted the best line of all time but can anyone beat these unbelievably moving lyrics?
His philosophy of life will steer him through
And as far as he can see
He's the same as you and me
There's nothing in the world he cannot do

No hill too high, no desert too dry
No road too long, no tide too strong
No bridge too far, he's got a car
No slope to steep, no thought too deep
No star too bright, no squeeze too tight
No tale too tall, no cat too cool
No bass too low, he'll give it a go
No end to his talents, no sense of balance

Mr Blobby at his best....my turn....

Two margarines on the  go, it's a  nightmare scenario
Two margarines in my  life,  two margarines to  butter my knife
 

Two margarines  but which one,  should I use to  butter my scone?
It's a dilemma, second to  none

 
Two margarines on the  go, it's a  nightmare scenario
 Two margarines in my  life,  doesn't seem to  bother my wife
 

She's the one who ignored the first, and  Opened the second which began the curse
Of the  two margarines, is there anything  worse?  Ohhhhh

Possibly, but I can't think of it at the moment
 
Two margarines on the  go, it's a  nightmare scenario
Two margarines in my  fridge, it's enough to end a  happy marriage
 

Two margarines,  how I long,  for the day when there's  only one
My wife says "You're a  lunatic John"
But  two margarines . ... ...    Oh it's like a bad  dream     .  .  .  .       .  .  .  .       .  .  .  .       .       .       
 

Something by John shuttleworth?

Indeed :nod:

I know a girl who thinks of ghosts
She'll make you breakfast
She'll make you toast
She don't use butter
She don't use cheese
She don't use jelly
Or any of these
She uses vaseline
Vaseline
Vaseline

That'll be the flaming lips. 

A good a place as any to post this...more a poem off course...

Like a Night Club in the morning, you’re the bitter end.
Like a recently disinfected shit-house, you’re clean round the bend.
You give me the horrors
too bad to be true
All of my tomorrow’s
are lousy coz of you.
You put the Shat in Shatter
Put the Pain in Spain
Your germs are splattered about
Your face is just a stain

You’re certainly no raver, commonly known as a drag.
Do us all a favour, here... wear this polythene bag.

You’re like a dose of scabies,
I’ve got you under my skin.
You make life a fairy tale... Grimm!

People mention murder, the moment you arrive.
I’d consider killing you if I thought you were alive.
You’ve got this slippery quality,
it makes me think of phlegm,
and a dual personality
I hate both of them.

Your bad breath, vamps disease, destruction, and decay.
Please, please, please, please, take yourself away.
Like a death a birthday party,
you ruin all the fun.
Like a sucked and spat our smartie,
you’re no use to anyone.
Like the shadow of the guillotine
on a dead consumptive’s face.
Speaking as an outsider,
what do you think of the human race

You went to a progressive psychiatrist.
He recommended suicide...
before scratching your bad name off his list,
and pointing the way outside.

You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart.
You’re heading for a breakdown,
better pull yourself apart.

Your dirty name gets passed about when something goes amiss.
Your attitudes are platitudes,
just make me wanna piss.

What kind of creature bore you
Was is some kind of bat
They can’t find a good word for you,
but I can...
TWAT.

John Cooper Clarke?

Sorted it for you gk