Thetownend.com

As some of you may know on match days we normally sit in the Arkells stand (yes I know, the quiet one, the one that is always last to join the songs...) but against Wycombe the club had manageed to sell it's complete allocation of sponsorship and so we were 'evicted' from our normal cushioned seat into the cruel hard world of row CC near the townend.

Collectively we decided that for the second half we break with tradition and go and sit in the DRS stand toward the Stratton Bank so we could get a clearer view of all our missed chances (we were going to sit in the Stratton Bank but apparrently we'd have had to have Stewards watching us to do that just in case we started any trouble).

So half time came and we made our way to the DRS and within 5 minutes of the restart I felt totally deflated...  It seemed like the club had given free tickets to a bunch of Oxford fans intent on slagging off and taking the piss out of every move and missed chance we had. 

Don't get me wrong, this is no namby pamby rant, and we have all shouted in disbelief at the players at some point but this was at a whole new level, personal and vindictive. I sat in the Town end for a number of years but never experienced things at that level.

Why do these people bother to turn up?  Do they pay there £23 just so they can vent their frustration and hurl abuse at the players they so say support?  Would they expect, or put up with, a similar level of abuse from their customers or bosses when they turn up for work and have an off day?  It was almost like I had been sent back in time to the Roman period and was watching a bunch of Christians being thrown to the Lions.

I feel sorry for anyone who has to put up with having a season ticket next to them.  For me, I'm happy to be sat in a stand that yes, has it's moaners and doesn't sing all the chants, but still has an atmosphere that can be tolerated... Long live the Arkells stand

There are moaners dotted everywhere. I think I do it a bit myself at times :(

I'm just an amature moaner - dabbling for a moment or two, the professional moaners go for the full 90 minutes. My favourite is "the coach", the bald headed tactical genius that sits a couple of rows in front of us. I mentioned him before. He spends the entire 90 screaming really useful advice, quality stuff like:
" No don't pass to them give it to our man"
" Cross it onto his head, not to the defender"
" Don't kick it out for a thrown in"
" Calm Down!" (funny because he looked like he'd burst a blood vessel when he shouted it).

Hes not young either. Maybe in his 60's. I hope I'm wrong but one day I expect to see him carted away clutching his chest.

And it used to really really really bug me. But then I learned a secret that I want to share with you and out fellow TEFers. Unless you have super happy clappy skills, Rob T standard, you won't change them. So embrace them. Not literally cuddle them but just go with it. For I now know that these people provide amusement when the game is dull. Watch how they irritate others and admire it. Laugh as they turn themselves red with rage. Mock them with fake football tourettes of your own. Laugh. Embrace.

Oh God Im really hoping everyone is not talking about my dad or something?

 

Wise words.  I used to sit in front of a bloke who moaned about everything, all the time.  The best was when we beat Huddersfield 6-0 back in the late 90s, Horlock hat-trick.  At full-time, Moany McWhinge stood up and said very loudly "useless pricks, any decent team would have scored 9 past that lot, what a load of rubbish".

Other gems included: "Ling's a lazy bastard, never does any running" - say  what you like about Linger but lazy?

"Summerbee can't cross the ball" - excuse me?

And my favourite, in all its baffling nonsense, "Parkin can't play for shit when its windy".

I learned to laugh at this, and it often brightened a dull game (and lets be honest, we've seen a few of those).

Amateur moaning I can cope with and even to a point singling out players but this was beyond that, it was almost at a personal hate level and not just one individual... Maybe I'm just getting old...

I sit in the Arkells near to the TE.

There is an old bloke, who we've nicknamed 'The Moaner' who does nothing but moan about everything and anything. Most of us try to ignore him, but at the Southend game, when O'Brien was on the field as he pulled up with an injury, he started to have a go at him for not chasing after the ball. I shouted up, 'He's bloody injured, and he's only staying on the field as we've used all our subs!'.

He shut up for 30 seconds...and started up again !!

We do the opposite where I sit. The old moaning cunts used to whine like fuck, but have stopped and/or moved since we started mimicing them whenever something good happened.

eg, their favourite phrase is "BLOODY PAYNTER! GET HIM OFF" or "BLOODY MCGOVERN! GET HIM OFF!" so whenever they do something good, or the best thing is when they're not even playing, we shout that.

I've started doing what Batch does and just enjoy the moaners/shouters for my own amusement. It was quite funny watching Fred nearly have an eppy on Saturday :)

Didn't I make a little animated thingy of the two fighting once? I can't remember. I can't remember most things at the moment. I still demand to know why it hasn't been posted. Demand!

There were 2 old guys who used to sit behind us in the Arkells who we used to nickname 'Statler and Waldorf' as they looked remarkebly similar to the  muppet characters

[url width=768 height=512]http://www.dkimages.com/discover/DKIMAGES/Discover/previews/1505/11576969.JPG[/url]

I found having a rant on here did the trick, for now.

I've only been to the Arkells a handful of times over the years, but remember one occasion in the mid 1990s when I went with some work friends.  They introduced me to one chap they knew only as 'The Football Purist' who would yell 'Jus' kick it!!' every 30 seconds or so.  It was like watching someone with Tourette's, as I'm not sure he was really in control.

Quite often, you can translate the rant of a habitual football moaner as follows:

'FFS, I hate my job.  My kids hate me and my ex-wife is taking me for every penny.  I'm getting a bit lardy in my middle age, my hair has buggered off never to be seen again and these piles are seriously starting to annoy me.  Frankly, shouting at you lot is the only opportunity I'm going to get all week to let off steam...so you're getting it with both barrels.'

DRS for me for the pure and simple reason that the turnstiles are bigger. I went in the Arkells for the game for Prospect a couple of seasons ago and nearly got stuck. My kids loved it.

I think you may have encountered the legendary 'angry-shouty man' triseratops.

He's a cunt

I thought that was you:) I remember you going red with rage in the Town End a few times. Red and ginger, an unfortunate combination!

Last time I sat in Arkells was in around 1995ish, took my then girlfriend to her first football match - it was a coca cola cup (or whatever the JPT was then) match against Cambridge United.

We ended up sitting behind some old woman who not only had bought a cushion from home to sit on, but also spent the whole 90 minutes shouting topical Cambridge based abuse against the referee... my favourite being something like...'my daughter might only be at Swindon college but that doesn't make us worse than Cambridge University' it was possibly the funniest but also most irritating 90 minutes of my life.

We split up shortly afterwards which wasn't a bad thing...

Haha no i've mellowed with age.

Tails and DV know who the angry-shouty man. I despise him

Angry shouty man didn't used to bring his wife to games did he? I hated that guy.

Isn't that the bit where Spencer and co occupy?

I thought it was him as well.

Joey Bumchums last game for the club i think.

Didnt he score to?

most random thing i ever heard was cheltnumb away, heavily tattooed man just stood up in front of me and screamed at the top of his voice.

" FUCK OFF CHELTNUM, YOURE NOT EVEN THE CAPITAL OF GLOUCS. ITS GLOUCESTER YOU WANKERS"

In fairness, it would have been even more random if it had been at Walsall.

I didn't realise it was his last game, he definitely scored though!

I was wrong, he played one more

the drs is better.closer to the pitch and no fuck off iron bars to ruin your view.
plenty of pricks in both stands