Thetownend.com

So ..........................

I goes downstairs this morning for my usual turn out and decides to run a bath.

I goes to put the plug in only to find a field mouse curled up fast asleep in the plug hole. I calls Jen who immediately goes "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh bless him" and names him Desperate.

After 45 minutes of chasing the little fucker around the bottom of the bath, I dispatch Jen  to the shops to buy herself some sweets and get the kettle on.

I am definitely not going to heaven


 :bye:

Heh heh, that is pretty cruel.

I'm all for boiling the big spiders that rock up from time to time, but something furry and friendly with a name is a bit far!

Elliot you're a beast

And not the amusing sort like Paul Gadd either.




Anyway, what happens when you boil a mouse, is there noise?

You nutter. That's wrong.

Did you film it?

I was all for being humane and releasing it back to the wild but have you ever tried to actually catch one of the little fuckers ?

Have you ever cooked fresh crab ?

Poached mouse might taste okay...

Just trying to get the picture off Jens phone, If I can find the cable

It was in a bath ffs surely all you do is stick the plug in and run the cold tap till the fuckers floating?!

What did you do with it anyway, post-boiling?

Where there's one mouse, there's normally a few so don't think you've got the problem sorted. Also, if you use the old mousetraps, bait it with chocoloate not cheese. I had a problem a few years ago -used to empty the traps in the morning and feed the mice to next doors cats. 

I'd have whipped the remaining toilet roll off the cardboard tube, bent over, dropped anchor, and offered the little cheeky mite a Pet Shop Boys holiday.

On a semi-serious note I had the local rat man round a few weeks back after the neighbours got mice.

He told me the old chocolate trick and to never use poison as they scurry off and die in the walls causing an almighty stink.  He also told me that if you use humane traps you have to take the blighters out 7 miles or they'll come home again.  Surely that's an utter piss take?

Fucking hell, after a few sherberts I struggle to find my way home from the pub on the corner.

[url width=480 height=640]http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n70/FredElliot_2006/Image020.jpg[/url]

Threw it on next doors roof

I had squirrels in my loft once. Beat that.

They sounded like right big buggers as well.

:D

Is that pic pre or post-death?

its still asleep there, must have been a right heavy night

I reckon you just shaved your pubes and forgot you left them in the plug-hole.

Nah

doing them tomorrow mate

Should have carefully butchered up bits of his corpse and coated them in chocolate. Then left them out in little traps. Get the satisfaction that any of his mousey brethren would be munching on their mate's corpse.

It's what I would have wanted.

Or you could have frozen up the mousey corpse to firm it up a bit, then dressed him up in little costumes and taken pictures. Top Hat British Mouse, Deer Stalker and Mini Pipe Sherlock Mouse, endless possibilities.

Email the pics to some mates and they'd soon have been flying between offices in an endless parade of forwards, costing countless billions in wasted man hours and bandwidth.

You'd be responsible for a second downturn in the economy, civilisation would crash down around us and the population of the earth would return to a sort of feral, almost rodent-like existence.

Mousey Karma.

You've put waaaaaaaaaay too much thought into that, Ben.

I had one in the old house it jumped of the side and to this day that was the best left footed volley ever. Straight into the door, out cold.

Someone has to Sam.

Why do you think the humanity has survived so long with out ever declining into the disgusting world of mousey depravity?

It's because of great thinkers like me, who know the dangers and how to check for them.

Also it's amazing how easy it becomes to follow on a random progression of thoughts when you're avoiding finishing the hoovering.

I find the secret is to avoid starting it Ben

I have two mice in my airing cupboard...one is scottish,i know this because its always on the pipes...the other is German and sits on the tank.

boom boom tish !

This thread is a hoot. Good work boys.

I had a major problem with mice when living in Plymouth. Got used to them in the end, although we had a veteran mouse trap that sported the names of each mouse that perished - we ran out of space at 20.

I'm confused. You didn't have the heart to boil it in the end then?

Does that mean it's in a state for you to chuck it in with the fish for a fight to the death?

I was responding to DMR's question.

In the pic it was still asleep, just as I had found it.

Obviously once I started trying to catch it it woke up.

After 45 mins of fruitless big game hunting I decided to boil up the old kettle

Fred..... :roll:

SHOOT THE FUCKER!!

Ahh fair enough. I may have been reading the thread again backwards. Probably not the best idea.

Bo ...................

I was going to get the BB gun on it originally, but then realised I have a plastic bath

I have now retrieved Desperate from next doors flat roof and have pictorial evidence that yes, he is indeed dead

RIP

Hope your not taking the Mickey Fred!

Have you been sleeping with Nev again leefer ?

I'm going to light a candle for the little dude.

Apologies...all mice jokes erased.

Dont do it yet

I'll PM you something to mourn over

Got some good candle jokes....but they may get on your wick.

PM sent Ben

Received.

I better write him a eulogy. Anybody want anything said?

Please don't come back as anything nasty and hunt me down

Thanks

Elliot, you cruel bastard.

After recounting your tale to the famous mouse hunter Mrs Pumbaa, she asked 'why didn't you just throw a towel over it?'

This is, of course, from the famous mouse hunter you've never heard of, who, if finding a mouse in the bath would run a mile.......

Fred what have you done to jerry :cry:

Well my reckoning was that because it chose to sleep in such an expansive white open area proportional to its size, it was quite obviously claustrophobic.

Throwing the towel over it would have only enhanced its phobia of enclosed spaces, it would have walked out somewhere and been a qubbling wreck, unable to provide for its family.

Nope.........obviously the kettle was the way forward

There's a flaw in your argument here though. Boiled mousey = unable to provide for its nearest and dearest........

Have you ever seen the effect of degenerative phobia's on rodent ?

I have

its very sad, his family would have had to fund years of emotional support in some mousey home with next to no income.

At least this way the insurance will cough up and everyones happy.

It was the best way I tell thee

You're getting Ben to write this shit aren't you.........

You'll be telling me there's a mouse heaven next.......

 :D

Poor Mr Jingles.

Yep boiling a Mouse to death is fucking hilarious.

You're a total cunt.

Fred, mice are damn easy to catch, especially in a confined space ...



I have always found the Cat method the best, in seconds that mouse would have been caught, killed and his head chewed off.
You would not even had time to swtich on the kettle before the deed was done.

pssssst, whisper it quietly, but i don't think he did it.

You, Mr Elliott, are a bastard.

I used to have mice as a kid, not that hard to catch, must be your old age kicking in.

Fred has confirmed via PM that he did indeed boil the mouse to death.He has also threatened to break into my house and kettle me to death if I dont stop calling him a cunt.

Not if we get him first. I have a really big kettle.

Been up to Leeds for a few days, really enjoyed this thread!  Cannot believe that the mouse actually slept through Fred's dump withoug being overcome by fumes!

Fred, if you get bored over the weekend can you bring the kettle round, or a cat. Either is fine as long it gets rid of the fucker(s) we now have.

Little cheeky bastard ran across the floor right in front of me. I feel dirty.

If I call rentokill will they turn up like the ghostbusters with backpacks and everything (only for mice)?

No problemo

I just went in the garage to get some cans in and a mouse scuttled across the floor. I didn't even scream like a girl.

No kettle treatment either.