Thetownend.com

TRIBUTES are being paid to Scotland this morning after the entire country laughed itself to death.

The alarm was first raised at around 10pm last night as thousands of phone calls and text messages went unanswered.

Small groups of volunteers from Berwick-Upon-Tweed and Carlisle ventured north just after midnight only to find houses full of dead people gathered around still blaring television sets.

By dawn, as RAF helicopters flew over deserted city streets, it was clear that the whole country had suffered a catastrophic abdominal rupture.


Wayne Hayes, a special constable from Northumberland, said: "We went into one house in Dunbar and found three men sitting on the sofa with huge smiles on their faces, still holding cans of 70 shilling. They seemed to be at peace."

He added: "In a house near Edinburgh we found a man face down on the living room floor with his trousers and pants round his knees.

"It seems he may have been showing his bare buttocks to the television when he keeled over."

Roy Hobbs, a civil engineer from Northampton, said: "I got a call from my friend Ian in Stirling at about 9.50pm.

"He was already laughing when I answered the phone, but after about 25 minutes of the most vigorous and uncontrollable hilarity, everything suddenly went very quiet."

Moving tributes are already being placed along the Scotland-England border with many mourners opting to leave a simple bag of chips or a deep fried bunch of flowers.

Very Monty Python-esque!!

You're entitled to have your fun and I don't blame you...but please don't start playing the "ooh everybody hates me just cos I'm Scottish" game when you get abuse for it

Fucking hell R4E it's only a bit of harmless banter.  Scotland lose to Italy and all we had was

"I nearly shit myself laughing when Italy scored"

"Ha ha the look on the scottish fans faces was priceless" etc.  Well words to that effect anyway.  If you're big enough to dish it out...

hey, i wanted scotland to win!

I'm just generalising SY.

I really thought I didnt care, but watching the game last night I realised I do care. Combination of Motson talking bollocks, The pseudo-irish twat being a twat, and wrighty,shearer and linaker talking pish, added to the fact that while england have some top class players they still cant perform as a team. Christ, If only scotland had players as good technically as Gerrard or Lampard....

Moston was doing my nut in... saying the croatian anthem was respected when 1000s of england fans were booing it, amongst other inane mutterings.

I dont know why everyone is getting up tight about the jockos taking the piss, the rest of the world are so why shouldnt the scotish be allowed.England are a joke..FACT!

Scottish cunts

You didnt qualify either! :soapy tit wank:

Errmmm, Im English

leave me out of this you bastard.

Not you, Tartan and Janaage!

We didn't qualify but we still  :beers:  

Alba gu Brath!!

Lets all have a huge fight about it, more fun that way, then Jan can get all patriotic and "kilted up" and Colin T can get his suit of armour and rampage.

I need some entertainment this morning  :mrgreen:

I'd put your money on the skirt wearer if I were you, I'm too depressed to fight

Oh get over it you moaning old englishman :D

Were saving ourselves for world cup 2010................actually I won't go there.

:Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:  Not you!!!

Never expected to, due to the fact we had the group of death compared to your, what was it the media said? oh yeah, cakewalk!

See england have dropped down to second seeds for the WC draw on Sunday. Cant play us now, which is a shame, as we would probably turn you over right now! :mrgreen:

And I can't hit a man whilst he's down.

Just want confirmation of the Scotland v england match now, that'll be class.

England should avoid that at all costs untill we reach a point when we could be more confident of victory.It pains me to say it, but if we had played Scotland last night you would have won

That's actually pretty funny.

Still, in the spirit of things, you're all bitter and twisted Jock bastards with a huge chip on your shoulder :D

I dont have a chip on my shoulder, I really do wish england all the best in euro2008..... oh........ :soapy tit wank:

Scots just love a bit of attention off the English.

Look at us, look at us, were important.  :mrgreen:

We are  :mrgreen:

I heard that rivalry with the Faroes is really hotting up.

Surely if they are scots then its a deep fried battered mars bar (deep fried battered pizza, deep fried battered haggis...all of which I have tried and are actually nice :) ) on there shoulders not a chip?

 :soapy tit wank:  Yeah, good one. You must have been in a state on saturday to say that.

Thats funnier than England not qualifying.  :soapy tit wank:

I really did think that, but as the game progressed last night I found myself wanting england to get humped more and more!

No, the fact is Will talks bollocks about England non stop but moans as soon as Scotland gets bad mouthed.

We shall have to remedy this young William!!

Funny that!! When I watched the Georgia game I found myself caring less and less. Theres just something about watching a team with no strikers loose to an under 21 side that was a real turn off.  :cry:

Češi do toho!  :--

Oh ok, Ill just let everyone else talk bollocks about Scotland then :roll:  Get real Spud.

STFU! Ive lost count of how many times pre Swindon game in the Pub that you've bad mouthed England and it's usually at every opportunity and it gets quite boring if im being honest.

Im pretty sure Chris and Steve can back me up on this.

Craig Gordon did well today. Just the 7.

Will he be sent back just like Barry Ferguson?

He was at fault for none of the goals Spencer, he is a top class keeper but behind defending like that, he is going to concede. I personally wish he was English as we don't have a decent keeper at the moment.

No we do. Rob Green.

He's nothing special.

I have seen hm for about 2 seasons at Hearts, trust me he is a very good keeper.

Craig Gordon is a class act.  Why he joined Sunderland I'll never understand.  Just hope he has a relegation clause in his contract so a bigger club can come and sign him up for next season.