Thetownend.com

This has probably been done before but fuck it I've not had a moan for ages,

The average Joe schmoe being made to feel guilty about global warming: Fuck off, the majority of pollution is caused by industry, so come down hard on those cunts instead of trying to make me feel guilty for leaving my telly on standby!

People that wear kilts for no reason: Okay I can forgive if it's a wedding or you happen to be taking part in a Scottish tradition like getting sunburn or having a heart attack, but if I see one more bunch of gits dressed up in kilts on family fortunes :x  They're not even properly Scottish half the time.

Sharon Osbourne: You don't shop at Asda! You don't play Gala bingo online! Oooh look at me, I'm a wife and mother and I push a trolley around and have a laugh with checkout girls.....Fuck off you evil witch! You're fucking loaded and you need to make more money advertising that bollocks! The advert would be realistic if you said ' Hi, I'm Sharon Osbourne and as the mother of 2 fuckwits and the wife of a braindead moron I like to do my shopping at a supermarket owned by a company with a record of treating it's employees like complete shit. I also like to advertise online gambling sites that offer little chance of any return. Infact the only people who play them are probably more stupid than my Prince of twatness husband.' I'm so ordinary.......yeah maybe in Trannsylvania, you blood sucking scumbag!

People who whine on about how shit they think Big Brother is: God! I can't believe people watch that shit, it's on for like ages and yadda yadda yadda... Shut the fuck up and learn how to use the remote control! I'm sure you'll be able to pass the time having lengthy discussions about Andre Breton with your oh so intellectual friends while the rest of us stare at some losers being racist and humiliating themselves in their quest for fame. Yeah, it's shit and yeah, they're a bunch of mongs, but if I wanna watch mongs suffer then I fucking well will. There's shitloads of channels! Turn the fuck over and leave me alone.

People who don't clear up their dog's shit: I saw one this morning, it looked like Bungle from rainbow had been the victim of a hit and run! The flies on it were working in shifts! Just fucking clean it up instead of standing there looking through your pockets trying to find a plastic bag that you know isn't there, before shuffling off looking guilty.Wankers!

I hate you too!

1) Royal Mail - A once great company that is now run by monkeys and employs Spuddy, Leggett and Ralphy. Say no more.

2) Cheap Toilet Paper - It makes you're arse sore and you're fingers get covered in shit.

3) Oxford United - Utter scum for fans, 3 sided ground and non league. Players have fondness for bananas.

4) Wine Bars - Too many great ale houses have been destroyed by poncey landlords turning pubs into wine bars for stuck up twats.

5) Gays - Nothing against homosexuality, but faggots really irritate me. There is no need to act so camp and dress like a queen.

I'm taking the dog for a walk, if you haven't added explanations for your list by the time I get back I'm going to add you to my list with an explanation that will reduce you to tears.

did you work at asda?

The generic anti-genetic modification stance which seems to have sprung up. Genetically altering stuff to be better is an ace idea. You could make like corn which would grow in the desert and solve world hunger and stuff. And also dinosaurs. That would be cool.

Cats and Dogs, can't people try and be more original? There are plenty of animals you could take for walks. Like Sheep, genetically engineered mini-cows/giraffes/antelope or even pigs.

People who moan about people moaning about big brother. I'm starting to get confused. Can't we just all agree that the contestants should be genetically combined with zoo animals?

Saving Private Ryan, yeah it has a cool opening bit, but the rest of the film is more boring wandering around than Lord of the rings. The latter has like Hobbits and Elves and Wizards and stuff, which automatically makes it ace. Private Ryan should have been some sort of genetic clone of Hitler which they were planning to use in a crazy assassination attempt. That would have been cool.

Top 5 lists of stuff when I can only think of 4. We're not all genetically engineered to be equally filled with hate you know.

Oooo I have one more!

People who correct you're grammar on internet forums  :x

your*

your

  My hate list consists of 1....the Argentinosaurus, which science now tells us was teh largest dinosaur that lived.....not your brontosaurus or even apatosaurus....but something with a totally crap name.

  http://www.dinosauromorpha.de/sauropoda/argentinosaurus.JPG

  Bollocks if you ask me.

Ever heard of irony ?

 Ever heard of the Argentinosaurus?

Did I bollocks! They're owned by Wallmart who move within cuntish circles.

i'l go wipe the egg off my face  :(

Is it like bronzy but made of iron?

Tell us Reg, where did the Argentinosaurus live?

 Gondwandaland wan't it

You are indeed the knower of all Reg. I had to look that up,

Do you make a fortune on pub quizzes?

   I'm nowhere near as good as the top boys, most of whom are pro or semi pro......

I fucking hate the weather forecast on BBC Breakfast every morning. I can tell perfectly well from the graphic that it's sunny / raining / indifferent, I don't need them standing in the fucking Blue Peter garden saying 'Ooooh, it's a bit chilly in London this morning' or showing fucking webcam shots of Edinburgh, I'm in Wiltshire for fuck sake!

Do you get pro pub quizzers?! Do they have nicknames like Nev 'The knowledge' Smedley?

   You get pro quizzers,  teh nicknames should be **** "The Cunt".******

I love all of your points Spacey and am worshiping at your altar as we speak but I particularly like the above mentioned point. 'Oooooh, I don't think we should have a BBQ, think of the environment". Yes, that will make all the difference. Let's forget about all those totally fucking unregulated steel works and rendering plants and fuck knows what else in Azerbaijan and Russia and fuck knows where else with all that mercury and shit going into rivers and the sea and babies being born with birth defects.....

WE HAVE TO BE MORE RESPONSIBLE!!!!!! apparently. Yes. Right. That's going to make all the fucking difference isn't it?

Cunts.

My Top 5:

Mike Diamandis
Bob Holt
Sandy Grey
Smarmy Staaaaarnes/Bowden
Mike Diamandis

well, that was predictable.

i seem to have a lot of anger but can't think of anything specific i hate, apart from you, your family, your pets and everyone you know

I cloned something once. no, really. it was only a few E.Coli bacteria but they were a genuine clone of the original.