Thetownend.com

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town
 hall where a Flower Show was in progress.
 One leaned over and said to the other, "Life is so darned boring; we
 never have any fun anymore.
 For £5.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid Flower
 Show!"
 "You're on!" said the other old lady holding up a £5.00 note.
 The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and,
 completely nude, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front
 door of the Flower Show.
  Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall
 followed by loud applause and shrill whistling.
 The naked and smiling old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a
 cheering crowd.
 "What happened?" asked her waiting friend.
 "I won 1st Prize as Best Dried Arrangement!"
 :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

thats gave me bad visions!!!! bad joke!

That didn't even make me laugh - sorry compo

I don't get it.  :?  :oops:

A Builder on a 3rd floor forgot to take his saw up with him. He shouts down,
but his co worker can't hear him. So he does sign language.  He points to his eye (I), his knee (need)and moves his hand back and forth in a saw motion.  Mate nods, pulls down his trousers and starts to wank. The furious builder runs down and says "What the hell are you doing?", "I need my saw". "I know" says the co worker, "I was just letting you know I was comin"

you're so pretty  :wink:

I don't get it.  :?  :oops:

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b100/landofbo/hearingAids.jpg

I didn't post the one at 11.13 am.  :?  :?

You're so pretty  :wink:

:mrgreen:

I don't get it?  :wink:

:fishing:

Liking the hearing AIDS joke  :D

Pardon?

A little story for the boys and girls

Ralph the hen

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed
beside his  sleeping wife, and fell into a deep sleep.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, "You died in  your sleep, Ralph."

Ralph was stunned.  "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got  too much to live for. Send me back!

St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back: as a  chicken.

Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.

The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. "So, you’re  the new hen, eh?
How's your first day here?" "Not bad," replied
Ralph  the hen, but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!"

"You're ovulating," explained the rooster,
"don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?"
"Never," said Ralph. "Well, just relax and let it happen."

Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack
on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout, "Dammit, Ralph! Wake up.

You're shitting in the bed!"

haha my mate emailed me that the other week

tim vine:

so i said to the train driver "i wanna go to paris", the train driver says "eurostar?", i said "well i've been on tv a few times but i'm no dean martin"