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80% => The Nevillew General Discussion Forum => Topic started by: SwindonTartanArmy on Friday, November 24, 2006, 12:48:07



Title: FRiday joke
Post by: SwindonTartanArmy on Friday, November 24, 2006, 12:48:07
Three guys are sitting in the canteen nursing coffees and hangovers after a hard night on the batter

The first guy says "I was so pished last, I staggered home, walked into the house, and as soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."

"That's not so bad" says the second guy. "I woke up this morning in bed with a feckin monster, no idea who she is, but she's got a moustache like a 70s porn star and she was still wearing steel toe-capped boots"

The third guy says "You were lucky! I woke up with a guy, dressed in a ballerina outfit, couldn't find my clothes and had no idea where I was."

There was silence for a moment and then the first guy said "I don't think you understand... Chunks is my dog."


Title: FRiday joke
Post by: land_of_bo on Friday, November 24, 2006, 12:54:14
The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church.

But one Saturday night, the cock went missing. The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village, so he started to question his parishioners in Church the next morning.

During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"

All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a
cock?"

All the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock
that doesn't belong to them?"

Half the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY
cock?"

Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up...


Title: FRiday joke
Post by: land_of_bo on Friday, November 24, 2006, 12:58:06
Sorry, one more!

An Australian, an Irishman and a Glaswegian are in a bar.

They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.

He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad. They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: "My God, it's Jesus!"

Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a bottle of Buckfast.

Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.

He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the
Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: "My God!
The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"

Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets
go, the man's eyes widen in shock. "Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle."

Jesus then approaches the Glaswegian who knocks over a chair and a table in
trying to get away from the Son of God.

"What's wrong my son?" says Jesus.

The Glaswegian shouts, "f*** off, I'm on disability benefit!"


Title: FRiday joke
Post by: jayohaitchenn on Friday, November 24, 2006, 12:59:04
:D


Title: Re: FRiday joke
Post by: STFC Village on Friday, November 24, 2006, 13:08:46
Quote from: "SwindonTartanArmy"
a hard night on the batter
They'd been down the chippy?


Title: Re: FRiday joke
Post by: SwindonTartanArmy on Friday, November 24, 2006, 13:09:30
Quote from: "STFC Village"
Quote from: "SwindonTartanArmy"
a hard night on the batter
They'd been down the chippy?

yeah, needed to wash down the battered mars bars :mrgreen:


Title: FRiday joke
Post by: Barry Scott on Friday, November 24, 2006, 13:12:39
What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.


Title: FRiday joke
Post by: timmyg on Friday, November 24, 2006, 13:49:50
What do you call a dinosaur that wears a dress but has a willy?




A trannysaurus rex.

 :o


Title: FRiday joke
Post by: Sharky on Friday, November 24, 2006, 13:54:23
What did the cat say when the dog chased him out of the house?

"Meow" ..... fucking idiots what else would he say, he's only a cat!  :-))(


Title: FRiday joke
Post by: mattyswinboy on Friday, November 24, 2006, 14:08:59
What does Michael Jackson have in common with a playstation?





They both come in black or white and get turned on by kids.


Title: FRiday joke
Post by: walrus on Friday, November 24, 2006, 14:36:46
What's the definition of sick?






Fingering your sister and finding your dad's wedding ring.







-------------------------






What's small, blue and doesn't fit?








Dead epeletic baby.

 :|


Title: FRiday joke
Post by: land_of_bo on Friday, November 24, 2006, 14:52:30
What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Have you got two 5's for a 10?


Title: FRiday joke
Post by: rudeboydreas on Friday, November 24, 2006, 15:46:37
Quote from: "land_of_bo"
The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock


 :D


Title: FRiday joke
Post by: mattboyslim on Friday, November 24, 2006, 15:51:40
Friday Joke?...

There was me thinking it was another thread about the Town's finances? :-))(


Title: FRiday joke
Post by: cavpete on Friday, November 24, 2006, 17:32:12
what does michael jackson pass around the table when he has finished his meal..



















under eights


















a seal walks into a club