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Title: Funny Quotes Post by: Compo on Sunday, October 1, 2006, 12:01:38 >>> Quotes from the Edinburgh Festival :
>>> >>> >>> >>> I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a >>> goat. >>> >>> Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms >>> >>> >>> >>> Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation. >>> >>> Jimmy Carr >>> >>> >>> >>> The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm >>> bears. >>> >>> Chris Addison at the Pleasance >>> >>> >>> >>> My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most >>> of >>> our family holidays in Customs. >>> >>> Patrick Monahan at the Gilded Balloon >>> >>> >>> >>> The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died. Dido must be >>> sh*tting herself. >>> >>> Colin & Fergus at the Pleasance >>> >>> >>> >>> My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I >>> was never smacked as a child... well maybe one or two grams to get me >>> to >>> sleep at night. >>> >>> Susan Murray at the Underbelly >>> >>> >>> >>> Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind >>> people >>> were given pointed sticks? >>> >>> Adam Bloom at the Pleasance >>> >>> >>> >>> My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I >>> was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t. >>> >>> Susan Murray at the Underbelly >>> >>> >>> >>> You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, >>> because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite >>> flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening... >>> >>> Self-raising?" >>> >>> Addy Van-Der-Borgh at the Assembly Rooms >>> >>> >>> >>> I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought >>> the obvious one was "Shout For Help". >>> >>> Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the Tron >>> >>> >>> >>> I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the >>> Girl out of Cork... >>> >>> Markus Birdman at the Pod Deco >>> >>> >>> >>> Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along. >>> Turned >>> out it was a bloody hoax. >>> >>> Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance >>> >>> >>> >>> Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a >>> winner and a loser at the same time. >>> >>> Demetri Martin at the Assembly Rooms >>> >>> >>> >>> A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The >>> hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join >>> the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a >>> plumber". >>> >>> Steven Alan Green at C34 >>> >>> >>> >>> Hey - you want to feel really handsome? Go shopping at Asda. >>> >>> Brendon Burns at the Pleasance >>> >>> >>> >>> It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake. >>> >>> Chris Addison at the Pleasance >>> >>> >>> >>> I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-depreciation - but I'm not >>> very good at it. >>> >>> Arnold Brown at The Stand >>> >>> >>> >>> If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, >>> then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're >>> trained for that. >>> >>> Milton Jones at the Underbelly Title: Funny Quotes Post by: Ginginho on Sunday, October 1, 2006, 15:01:51 I like the plumber one best :D
Title: Funny Quotes Post by: SwindonTownFC on Sunday, October 1, 2006, 15:19:00 i like the Dido one :D
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