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Muffin Man
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« Reply #330 on: Monday, August 29, 2011, 09:30:24 » |
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I would 8 2 be an Arsenal supporter today.
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walrus
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Posts: 4228
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« Reply #331 on: Wednesday, August 31, 2011, 11:22:32 » |
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Owen Hargreaves' move to Manchester City has broken down amid another injury scare.
He fell out of the transfer window.
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Bewster
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Posts: 4004
We fucking love you Gumbo!
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« Reply #332 on: Wednesday, August 31, 2011, 11:25:50 » |
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BBC News reports that Colonel Gaddafi has managed to slip into Jordan
Has that woman no shame ?
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Sippo
Living in the 80s
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Posts: 15589
I ain't gettin on no plane fool
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« Reply #333 on: Wednesday, September 7, 2011, 07:20:04 » |
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A little boy says to his mum "mummy is it wrong to have a willy?"His mum says "of course not, why would you ask that?"The boy replies "because dad is in the bathroom sweating like fuck trying to pull his one off!
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If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit...
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dave_bambers_right_sock
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Posts: 866
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« Reply #334 on: Thursday, September 15, 2011, 22:32:34 » |
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Nearly friday so here goes, think a few are Jimmy Carrs
I was in McDonald's and this stunning young girl took my order.
"I can make it large for you for an extra 30p," she said sweetly.
"I'm afraid you already have," I replied, "but how about a wank for a pound?"
A team of Irish Commandos has been sent to Libya to take Gaddafi out.
So far he's been to the cinema twice and tomorrow they're taking him bowling.
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class fondle him. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year. You want to stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything - KitKats, Mars bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot.
Just £3 will buy water and food for a family in Africa. But don't let your heart rule your head. Morrisons are doing 4 Stella for £2-99.
100 people from Liverpool were asked today if they thought Britain should change its currency. 98% said no, they were happy with the Giro.
I've just watched the Simpsons and realised it's a load of b*llocks. Who would put a load of funny yellow people in charge of running a nuclear power station?
Now he's dead, they're making a film of Eddie Stobart's life story. I've just seen the trailer.
I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show. Turns out I got it all wrong and the programme's called Fact Hunt.
The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!
Paddy bursts into the Benefits office. I've been ringing 08001730 for 2 bloody days. Why don't you answer the bloody phone. Girl replies, those are our opening times you idiot.
Today in an opinion poll I was asked 'If you could eliminate a race from the 2012 Olympics, which would it be?' Naturally I said ‘Arabs’ .........................................................Apparently most people said the 10,000 metres.
Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex. I woke up this morning with a huge correction.
Some Japanese tourists just asked me to take a picture of them. When I said "Wave" they legged it!
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« Last Edit: Thursday, September 15, 2011, 22:42:48 by dave_bambers_right_sock »
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Bogus Dave
Ate my own dick
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Posts: 16354
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« Reply #335 on: Sunday, September 18, 2011, 10:22:19 » |
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When I was a kid people used to cover me in cream and put a cherry on my head.
It was tough growing up in the gateaux
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Things get better but they never get good
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Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
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Posts: 59471
Things can only get better
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« Reply #336 on: Friday, September 23, 2011, 13:16:10 » |
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As its Friday and its my first Friday back......
I bought an 6 inch inflatable Dr Who Tardis - It’s taken me 2 months to blow it up.
Handcuffs, Humiliation, Degradation. This isn't just any joke - This is an S & M joke.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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walrus
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Posts: 4228
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« Reply #337 on: Friday, September 23, 2011, 13:27:57 » |
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I fainted in a curry house when I heard of REM's split.
That's me in the korma.
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tans
You spin me right round baby right round
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Posts: 25128
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« Reply #338 on: Friday, September 23, 2011, 14:48:02 » |
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Cher Lloyd hasn't been seen much recently. She must be busy defending her caravan from bailiffs at Dale Farm.
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jutty274
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« Reply #339 on: Friday, September 23, 2011, 20:04:34 » |
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I bought an 6 inch inflatable Dr Who Tardis - It’s taken me 2 months to blow it up.
I had to read this twice before i got it. But that is very good. |
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Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
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Posts: 59471
Things can only get better
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« Reply #340 on: Saturday, September 24, 2011, 09:44:31 » |
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I had to read this twice before i got it. But that is very good.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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Batch
Not a Batch
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Posts: 55438
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« Reply #341 on: Saturday, September 24, 2011, 10:59:00 » |
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I had to read this twice before i got it. But that is very good.
It took me a little but longer than that  (honestly, about 5 minutes, run Forest run).
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Matchworn Shirts
For Sale
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Posts: 7088
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« Reply #342 on: Saturday, September 24, 2011, 13:13:02 » |
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An old riot one I just found on my phone:
Ngongo Mwambi has to walk 5 miles every day for fresh water and 7 miles for food ..........................
This is because the daft twat torched Peckham Spar and Tottenham KFC ...now he has to walk to Croydon for breakfast
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I come from a land down-under
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Bewster
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Posts: 4004
We fucking love you Gumbo!
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« Reply #343 on: Thursday, September 29, 2011, 20:59:46 » |
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Anal sex is like my first ever car....
I didn't want it but my uncle still gave it to me.
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Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
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Posts: 59471
Things can only get better
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« Reply #344 on: Friday, September 30, 2011, 07:23:05 » |
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Oxford, where even Bear Grylls takes a brita filter.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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