Thetownend.com

[url width=380 height=237]http://www.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01443/carlos-tevez_1443470d.jpg[/url]
Manchester City confirmed last night they plan to use their multi-squillion pound transfer budget to relaunch as a "total global entertainment brand" with the shock signing of wild-haired "funnyman" and lethario Russell Brand. 

"Just buying up top footballers for stupid amounts and paying them roughly what a failed banker would earn is soooo 2005 - Chelsea have already been there, done that." said an excited Citeh spokesman "We're taking the logical next step and launching the Citeh Total Entertainment Experience to keep our fans entertained while the rest of the world can sit back and laugh at our abject failure to gain a top six place despite spending enough in one summer to keep the NHS in management consultants for the next 10 years. We'll be launching audacious bids for all the world's top entertainment stars over the next three years. For example, we're waiting to hear back from Michael Jackson's people and that's very much an iron in the fire, but, erm, in the meantime we've signed up some overrated fop who makes upsetting phone calls to pensioners".

He added that Mark Hughes was "totally on board with the project" and described the manager as "very excited" by the new owners' plans but added "Um, no, he, erm, can't come to the phone right now. But he's really excited by all this, let me tell you"

Meanwhile, some Argentinian player's agent was quoted as saying on his behalf "I'm so excited by this project and this is precisely why I signed for this club whichever one it is. The opportunity to go out in the 4th round of the League Cup as we roll around in the dressing room listening to the fop make prank calls to someone we've never heard of was just too good to miss. And that's why I'm giving up the prospect of Champions League football in a World Cup Year, not because of the sackfuls of cash, oh no"

Manchester City are looking fucking funny at the moment without signing up any commedians. They've got more strikers than you can shake a stick at, and well, if i wanted to be paid, and didn't care about playing, i'd sign up sharpish there.

If they manage to sign Adebayor, then they'll have 10 strikers on their books. Now 10 Strikers is not a high number to have throughout the whole club, but they're not of the bench warming, U18, reserve ilk and you'd expect at least 6 or so have been signed as first teamers. It makes me most amused.

Emmanuel Adebayor
Carlos Tevez
Roque Santa Cruz
Craig Bellamy
Robinho
Jo
Benjani
Valeri Bojinov
Felipe Caicedo
Ched Evans

As prem teams go i didn't mind city, as they were always pretty much useless, no matter how hard they tried. Now they are throwing the pounds around, in this day and age, can see them becoming a real hate/piss take club. Odds on they fail spectacularly this season still i reckon.

Apart from Robinho, from Bellamy down all those players will be gone by the start of the season

It'd make sense. Using my Football Manager skills, i'd be on Bojinov like a fly on shit if were a premiership manager and saw FM2006 as the most acurate source of player ability ever.

so you mean from Robinho down all those players will be gone by the start of the season?  :D

Jo's on loan at everton for the season isnt he?

And who is it that wants Ched Evans? Shef Utd i think. Rumours of Benjani to Stoke the other day too

Robinho will play out wide.

As for the others, they're fucked.

They will now sign two decent centre backs. I had a bet 2 weeks ago at 16/1 tyhat they will win the Carling cup.Cracking bet that is

Goals win games. I'm sure they've got enough firepower there....

Problem is who's gonna bottle it first? Can't keep everyone happy. I'd go for Tevez and Adebayor to start.

Is Bojinov not a winger then?

Didn't he sing "You Give Love ABad Name"  and many other cheesy Rock songs?

arsenal fans want adebayor to go,but without a replacement is a bit short sited on their part.he wins loads in the air, and they dont have another player who can do that.

I think most Arsenal fans are expecting Eduardo to come good this season.

Adebayor was a once season one. He was shit before and shit again after. City have been robbed. 25m for that shite.

And defences win titles

Its the same old story with Man City though isn't it. When Joe Royle took over as manager when they hit the 3rd tier they had an incredible 56 players on pro contracts. He said he kept bumping in to players there that he hadn't heard of in years, he thought they'd retired or gone abroad but no, they'd been there all the time.

Ah, but pets win prizes!

5 year contract for adebayor.more money then sense.5 year contracts are insane

Adebayor is only 25 so it's not completely stupid, but they're hardly worth the paper they're written on anyway when it comes to preventing him moving on in future.

Cesc signed an eight-year contract last summer I believe.

Winston Bogarde is the famous example of big contract gone wrong isn't it? £40,000 a week, for 4 years, played 11 times. Fair play to him for sticking it out.

really? more deserving of a long contract than adebayor but thats still way to long imo.

5 years with a three year extension option according to Wiki. Not a bad negociating position to make Real pay a bit more.

Least he's got stability and security for the next 5 years.