The CHAV version of the Christmas Tale

[Luci]

I don't rate Bentleys in Cheltenham. Been in there quite a lot and always seems a lot of hassle and it takes an age to get a beer!  :evil:

Thats true.  Theres never many staff and the bar area is quite small.  They do a good sunday roast though!  I was basing my thoughts on that alone!!!!

[fatbury]

Cheltescum was more of a reference to the footy team as rivals to Swindon.  I spent 3 years there doing my degree and I have to say I adore the place .. the footy team were back in the Southern League then tho!

[red macca]

i got this emailed at work today its called the chav nativity

There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?) She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.
 
One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?' Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'
 
So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that.
 
She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.' Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'
 
Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that.
 
But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an'that.
 
Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End.
 
Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer.
 
He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'
 
Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.' So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that.
 
Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.
 
HAPPY CHRISTMAS

[flammableBen]

That's pretty ace

[Spud]

goooooooooood

I heard a pub in Cheltenscum is now BANNING Chavs ... how the hell do you define them?

Cheltenscum?  Says he who comes from Highworth otherwise known as the granny frightening massive!

There is a pub in Cheltenham called Bentleys which has a sign outside saying no Chavs -

No Burbery, Sovereigns, hacket etc.  I texted whits the picture of it ages ago as he posted it on the net asking if anyone knew where the pub was that had that sign outside.  I doubt he would have kept the picture to upload it.

I saw that on the local news the other morning, a reporter went into the Town centre and asked varius lowlifes what they thought of it,

In True Vikki Pollard style one Chav said "No thats well out of orderrrrrrrrr, i wear Burrrrrrrrberry and Rockporrrrrrrrt!"  :?

[land_of_bo]

Was this survey conducted in McShit?

[Johno]

im liking it whits!   shall remember that one for tomorrow!

[Iffy's Onion Bhaji]

its a classic! nice one whits! i saw that somewhere last year too but couldnt remember the words. there is also a jingle bells one