Fcuking Families (Not Literally)

[Batch]

Cue the inevitable abuse I get for such posts. But I can't be the only one who thought the tone of your post towards your own son was fucking appalling. If, and that is an if, that tone is indicative of your relationship then maybe it's best for all concerned if he steers clear?

he's upset over his loss and angry with his son Dave. what kind of tone do you expect? it's not too much to expect someone to turn up to their granddad's funeral.

[Ells]

Sorry for your loss, and that you find yourself in such a difficult situation.

Your anger is completely understandable. Even if his behaviour is reasonable (which I don't think it is, personally) you have suffered a terrible loss and are vulnerable to any sort of stress, which family problems are bound to cause. 

That said, he may very well be hurting more than you realise, and you can't risk ignoring his concerns. People cope with grief in different ways, and some people do become very self-centred and even deluded in order to cope. As others have said, it's far easier to make an excuse than deal with pain head-on as it were, especially if you're young and naive.

Anger is not the best way to resolve things ever, but particularly in this case, because as you know your father deserves to be put to rest in the most dignified way possible - and that is ideally without acrimony. As pauld says, you don't want this to become a long term issue.

I think appealing to his sense of vanity is a good idea, but a certain amount of honesty is pretty vital too. I'd try and address your concerns as matter-of-factly as possible, I.e. You find it upsetting that he's chosen college over the funeral and at this time it's important to be together. I'd personally try not to second guess his motives and feelings - It's a guaranteed way to upset yourself, and at the end of the day until you know for sure it's not going to be beneficial to your situation.

Good luck.

[ibelieveinmrreeves]

Sorry for your loss, and that you find yourself in such a difficult situation.

Your anger is completely understandable. Even if his behaviour is reasonable (which I don't think it is, personally) you have suffered a terrible loss and are vulnerable to any sort of stress, which family problems are bound to cause. 

That said, he may very well be hurting more than you realise, and you can't risk ignoring his concerns. People cope with grief in different ways, and some people do become very self-centred and even deluded in order to cope. As others have said, it's far easier to make an excuse than deal with pain head-on as it were, especially if you're young and naive.

Anger is not the best way to resolve things ever, but particularly in this case, because as you know your father deserves to be put to rest in the most dignified way possible - and that is ideally without acrimony. As pauld says, you don't want this to become a long term issue.

I think appealing to his sense of vanity is a good idea, but a certain amount of honesty is pretty vital too. I'd try and address your concerns as matter-of-factly as possible, I.e. You find it upsetting that he's chosen college over the funeral and at this time it's important to be together. I'd personally try not to second guess his motives and feelings - It's a guaranteed way to upset yourself, and at the end of the day until you know for sure it's not going to be beneficial to your situation.

Good luck.

Think we've found the TEF's agony aunt.

[Red and Proud]

Cue the inevitable abuse I get for such posts. But I can't be the only one who thought the tone of your post towards your own son was fucking appalling. If, and that is an if, that tone is indicative of your relationship then maybe it's best for all concerned if he steers clear?

You've misread the situation and there is as always a lot more to the conundrum. But thank you for your "forthright" opinion.

[stfc1975]

As always DMR is right.

Haven't  you got any real  friends or family to ask ?

Plus for all you Ells lovers , she/ he  is a  past  poster and a male.

[Ells]

As always DMR is right.

Haven't  you got any real  friends or family to ask ?

Plus for all you Ells lovers , she/ he  is a  past  poster and a male.

Hahahaha, news to me!

But this really isn't the thread for that. Have some respect.

[stfc1975]

Hahahaha, news to me!

But this really isn't the thread for that. Have some respect.

Respect for who?

[Ells]

Respect for who?

The person who started this thread.

If you have a problem with people who post here you can take it up anywhere, but you chose to throw ridiculous accusations in a thread where someone who is going through a tough time is asking for advice. I can assure you I am not a man, and I'm not a previous poster (I'm sure the mods can verify this) but I think you should take it elsewhere regardless.

[4D]

As always DMR is right.

Have you been on the piss tonight?

[4D]

Cue the inevitable abuse I get for such posts.

Have you ever asked yourself why?

[stfc1975]

If you know him personally I apologise if not ........

[stfc1975]

Have you been on the piss tonight?

DMR  is ace.

[4D]

Oh, you have.

[stfc1975]

He doesn't care if  he's right or wrong he says what he thinks ,  respect.

[4D]

That sums up a lot of wrongs with the modern mindset 
Badass.