The Opponent: Preston North End
How the legend of Thor began. Thor, also known as the Thunder pants, was considered to be a son of Fjorgyn (Jord) and Odin by some, but among many tribes in the poorer parts of Lancashire, Thor actually supplanted Odin as the favourite god as he enforced compulsory beard growing and the eating of Greggs sausage rolls dipped in the cheapest white cider Patel’s stocked. He is considered to be the protector of all Preston, and he wields the mighty mini hammer, his pink truncheon. His battle chariot is drawn by two giant whippets, and his violent bowel eruptions cause the lightning that flashes across the sky. Of all the deities, Thor is the most “barbarian” of the lot, hobo-like in appearance, rather smelly, boss eyed and lives by the rules laid down by his mentor, White Dee from Benefits Street. The day Thursday (Thorsdaeg) is sacred to him as it has now been his Giro day for nearly 30 years. Due to his inability to find work, the benefits agency point him in the direction of the numerous Preston Foodbanks to feed his wife Sif, daughter Thrudd and 27 stone mistress, Our Elsie, who lured Thor in with her renowned Kebab, Pigeon and Gravy Pie.
Thor was considered a good-natured, careless, simple soul, always practicing his own personal hygiene version of Ramadam, and never tired of trying his great strength, legend says that Thor once bench pressed 350kg of smack before it was distributed amongst the ‘charming’ estates of Moor Nook and Brookfield, via his Grandmother. He could shoulder giant tasks with the greatest of ease, especially with his 22” neck and he could slay bulls with his bare hands, despite having 6 fingers on one and 3 on the other. More recently, Thor proved his strength to the repressed folk of Preston by braving the great hurricane of 2014 and stupidly battled through winds that wouldn’t even blow one of his many King Size Rizla’s over. Once the Thor household managed to steal the identity of someone with a debit card (Mr A. Ademungo from Ghana in this case) they finally opened their very own Youtube account to show Thor’s powers off, but like the rest of the UK, the Prestonians worked out that Thor is simply several sandwiches short of a picnic, more of a loveable bear type creature that’s studs and leather on the exterior but more Donnay and Lonsdale on the interior. And so the Legend of Thor ends. As scary as afternoon tea at an old people’s home and as sexy as Giant Haystacks in a thong.
Last Time Out – Jack O'Connell scored his second goal in two matches as Rochdale ended Preston's eight-match winning run. The 20-year-old defender, on loan from Blackburn, headed in Scott Tanser's lofted free-kick before Ian Henderson doubled Dale's lead from six yards out.
Winger Mattie Done then scored his ninth goal of the season after Preston keeper Jamie Jones spilled the ball. Joe Garner missed the chance to add a consolation goal for Preston after his late penalty was saved by Conrad Logan. Victory propelled Rochdale to fourth, while defeat now leaves Preston five points adrift of leaders Brizzle.
Starting XI - Jones, Wiseman, Clarke, Huntington, Buchanan, Welsh (Browne), Kilkenny (King), Humphrey, Gallagher, Robinson (Davies), Garner
They have served us both – Jimmy Woodman, Billy Wareing, Ray Treacy, Billy Rose, Dick Rowley, Tommy Miller, Fola Onibuje, Jay McEveley, Harry Lowe, David Lucas, Alan McCormack, Andy Lonergan, William Kirby, John Kelly, Jimmy Kelly, Jake Jervis, Wally Holmes, George Henderson, Arthur Hetherington, Lee Holmes, Arthur Beadsworth, Frank Becton, Tom Bradshaw, Marlon Broomes, Jimmy Chalmers, Leon Clarke, Tom Devlion, Fred Fenton, Steve Finney, Freddie Fox, Simon Gibson, Tommy Green
The Odds – Swindon 17/10 Draw 21/10 Preston 8/5
The Son Says – Are we going tonight? Probably is my reply, digging out the thermals again. 2-1 victory.
The Prediction – Preston, like ourselves, will be looking to bounce back from a pointless weekend but I feel we will pass them out of the game, despite their best efforts to kick us off the park. 2-1 win, Obika x2, 7’210 with 688 from Lancashire.
And Finally – Preston has the highest density of traffic lights in The UK. I found this summary from a Preston local, it kind of sums it up nicely really. “The place is filled with aggrandising freaks, witless bozos, the smelly, the one eyed, and assorted pond life. If there was a part of the world that needed carpet bombing, this is it”.
