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Author Topic: Swindon Town v Sheffield United Official Matchday Thread  (Read 36826 times)
Shaw Rosso

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« on: Saturday, March 29, 2014, 00:00:11 »

The Opponent: Sheffield United

Sheffield is a city in the south of t'North, famous for not making steel anymore. After earning the position of "where Margaret Thatcher goes to have a shit" in the 1980's, the city has since evolved into a site of industrial decay and rubble. The inevitable depression that comes as a result of living in Sheffield is made slightly more bearable for its 500,000 residents by the fact that every few years, one of them (whether it be Jarvis Cocker, Arctic Monkeys or Jessica Ennis) seems to become the short-lived feature of pop culture hysteria.

Sheffield has existed in some form or another since the last ice age, when defrosting glaciers revealed seven dingy hills, a tram system, two football pitches, a pair of concrete cooling towers, Henderson's relish and a humanoid creature that would later become Sean Bean. The city remained uninhabited for six millennia whilst local tribes rehearsed their roles in the upcoming film "'T Full Monty", a tale of nudity in a sea of concrete. Whilst waiting for this moment to arrive, Abbot Dave of 't bloody Manor established a monastery at Beauchief in 1286 and commanded everyone to pronounce it as "Beecheef" since the French way sounded "much too poncey". Disappointed by a lack of implements with which to cut their food, 't monks invented cutlery by attaching a sharp bid of metal to a handle and naming it as a "knife". Soon a thriving cutlery industry sprang up in the moist valleys of Sheffield, where the local abundance of tough, stupid people provided the ideal workforce for the brutal factory conditions necessary for keeping tough, stupid people occupied.

Cutlery production reached such an excessive level that local residents were, at one point, forced to eat melted stainless steel. This problem was solved by dumping surplus cutlery engraved with the city's name into the North Sea, unintentionally earning Sheffield the reputation as a famous exporter of such goods as they beached in foreign lands. This humiliation became too much for many Sheffielders, who decided to emigrate to the New World, also known as Barnsley. One such migrant was Joe Cocker, a man famous for his rough singing voice and large collection of Spaniels. His sons James and Jeremy turned out to be idle, talentless sons-of-bitches, but Jarvis inherited the singing talent and the girlish mannerisms.
A century later in 1562, whilst Jarvis was still alive, David Blunkett OBE seized control of Sheffield in a violent coup, armed with eleven Golden Retrievers. Thus was established the legendary Socialist Republic of Sheffield, where all citizens were employed as worker bees in the infamous Labour Exchange at the bottom of the Moor, a sloping pedestrian street paved with heather and drunks. As local enthusiasm for socialism waned, a new hero was born in the form of Michael Palin who raised a famous hobbit army and Python Circus.

In 1984 Sheffield was obliterated by several mega tonnes of nuclear explosives. The current city is limited to the 1/362th of the city not destroyed in what has been dubbed by locals as 't bloody nuclear holocaust, which produced thousands of radioactive students that litter the city to this day. Today, Sheffield is inhabited by a mixture of unemployed factory workers, unemployed children of factory workers, unemployed grandchildren of factory workers (they breed at an early age here), confused university students, Polish and Neil Kinnock's bastard child.


Where the opposition gather –

http://www.s24su.com/forum/index.php?threads/next-swindon-v-blades.33962/

“can see this being tougher than the Preston game. Swindon have a real chance of the playoffs unlike Preston who were basically already there, and just trying to keep momentum going”.

Last 6 – WWWDLW – Currently 10th in League 1 just 3 points behind us on 51 having played 2 less games. The 1 defeat over the last 6 games was at home to Wolves last Saturday but they went to Crawley on Tuesday night and won 2-0. Nigel Clough has done well for The Blades, having secured them a place at Wembley in the FA Cup semi finals.

They have served us both –  Carl Tiler, Grant Smith, Lilian Nalis, Lecsinel Jean-Francois, Brian Marwood, Ray McHale, Bernard Harris, Jan Age Fjortoft, Herbert Chapman, Wayne Allison, Frank Becton, Paul Crichton, Sam Furniss, David Lloyd, Paul Heald, Graham Anthony, Danny Wilson, Alfred Brown, Frank Talia, Trevor Churchill, Mark Dempsey, Steve Foley, Iffy Onoura, Tommy Mooney, Chris Guthrie, John Harris, Tom Mcalister, Darius Henderson, Chris Kamara, Billy Barry, Mark Yeates, Darren Bullock, Paul Thirlwell, Glen Cockerill, Vincent Pericard, Peter Dornan, David Munks, JP McGovern, Harry Hampson, Ivor Mabberley, Brian Howard, Jack Fountain, Pat Keating, Billy Paynter.

The Odds –  Swindon 2/1  Draw 11/5   Sheffield United 6/4   Looks like the bookies don’t really fancy us at home. I’m sticking with Ben Gladwin to pop up with the first goal, 16/1, even a 3-1 home win is a tasty 33/1 with Coral.

The Son Says – One day I will learn some tricks for this FIFA 14, simply to stop a smug 8 year old owning me after 30 minutes, I thought being Bayern Munich would give me half a chance, obviously not. 2-0 win.

The Prediction – 3 games unbeaten will today become 4. We will win 3-1 with goals from Gladwin and M.Smith (2) in front of 8’244, 999 travelling from the north.

And Finally – Sheffield has the second highest number of homeless people in the country, with the district of Westminster taking the number one spot.


COYR COYR COYR
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Honkytonk

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« Reply #1 on: Saturday, March 29, 2014, 00:33:08 »

Leave Sean Bean alone.

2-0 Town.
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Empathy Sloth

« Reply #2 on: Saturday, March 29, 2014, 00:36:46 »

4-0 us.
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Ardiles

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« Reply #3 on: Saturday, March 29, 2014, 01:46:02 »

First team we ever faced in the top flight.  I remember the well intentioned - but nevertheless patronising - comments from their fans as we sat on the pavement outside Brammall Lane in the sunshine after the 3-1 defeat on our opening Prem defeat.  There were plenty more of those to follow.

Hope we take them apart tomorrow.  Unlikely, but you live in hope.
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Reg Smeeton
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« Reply #4 on: Saturday, March 29, 2014, 02:37:41 »

You've surpassed yourself SR with this one....a passing reference to Threads  Smiley  30 years ago we'd have been proper pooping our pants, about Russia reclaiming the Crimea, as Ukraine had the world's 3rd biggest nuclear arsenal.  But showing what nice people they are, disarmed in return for a sort of promise that NAtO would guarantee their integrity...I suppose we did the same with the Sudetanland once before.
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Only Me

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« Reply #5 on: Saturday, March 29, 2014, 04:48:10 »

First team we ever faced in the top flight.  I remember the well intentioned - but nevertheless patronising - comments from their fans as we sat on the pavement outside Brammall Lane in the sunshine after the 3-1 defeat on our opening Prem defeat.  There were plenty more of those to follow.

Hope we take them apart tomorrow.  Unlikely, but you live in hope.
I remember that match. Moncur scored from a free kick, if my memory serves me right.
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brocklesby red

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« Reply #6 on: Saturday, March 29, 2014, 07:11:58 »

Can't be as bad as the game at their place earlier in the season where some of our fans were singing "one shot,we only want one shot"and with TAH back to stiffen the defence I'm hopping for a continuation of the run with a 3-1 win, Storey,Smith and Gladwin for us
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fatbasher

« Reply #7 on: Saturday, March 29, 2014, 07:22:54 »

Still reckon this will be my last t'game this season. Tha needs Sum bragging rites thoust does as my H/O is in t' north of the city.

2-1 or 1-2

Did you know a recent craze of crushing amphetamines into powder by club goers and rubbing it in the mouth was termed "e bah gum"?
« Last Edit: Saturday, March 29, 2014, 07:25:55 by fatbasher » Logged
jayohaitchenn
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« Reply #8 on: Saturday, March 29, 2014, 07:24:11 »

Also this:

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Samdy Gray
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« Reply #9 on: Saturday, March 29, 2014, 08:24:36 »

2-1 defeat.

And gooooooooooooooooood morning Jessica  Yikes
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dogs

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« Reply #10 on: Saturday, March 29, 2014, 09:05:05 »

2-1 win. Troy to score a bullet head late on.
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kerry red

« Reply #11 on: Saturday, March 29, 2014, 09:40:28 »

Looking forward to this one.

Good weather, should be a good atmosphere and game.

Can't honestly see us getting anything but if we happen to win it'll get the forum buzzing later and set up for a great end to the season.  Just want to see a good performance really.
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JoeMezz

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« Reply #12 on: Saturday, March 29, 2014, 09:55:59 »

1-1 today, 7,800 crowd
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THE FLASH

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« Reply #13 on: Saturday, March 29, 2014, 09:59:29 »

Can we play any worse than at Blades this season....I doubt it.

Cheeky win for me....but for me the season is over...so whatever....I will be there...
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« Reply #14 on: Saturday, March 29, 2014, 12:26:24 »

I think we'll win 2-1 today 7623!
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