The opponent: Colchester United
The last few days have been bloody awful being a Swindon Town fan. Some of you on here may well say its been bloody awful for the last few decades, but my education of all things STFC doesn’t stretch back quite that far. In recent times, only the end of the Diamandis era can be drawn in comparison to the recent saga, protests have been hinted at, even orange beanies are being dug out of the wardrobe, readied for action. Andrew Blacks recent tweets suggest there is more legs in this story yet, Paolo says this is how the club has been run for the last 6 months, and we have 3 potential loan signings that could really make the difference between a top 2 and a play off (or worse) finish. A friend of mine remarked that our new potential owner/investor/frontman has the look of a gypsy, this may well be true, but until the sale has gone through, and we can find out who else is behind this consortium, I will hold my judgement.
In the middle of all this mayhem, confusement and general bewilderment lies a visit to Essex, when once again we can get back to what we love the most, supporting our team. I remember just before the original fixture Paolo suggested he was “90% certain” we would win this one. I wonder if he still has the same optimism with the entire recent goings on? To be fair, I had the wrong idea about the town of Colchester. I went there when we played them in the Cup last season (winning goal scored by Matt Ritchie I believe), and the ground was in the middle of nowhere if memory serves, so I didn’t get to see anything else Colchester had to offer. After a bit of research Colchester has as long a history as anywhere in Britain. It was here that the Emperor Claudius received the surrender of the Celtic kings to found the Roman Province of Britannia, making Colchester the oldest recorded town in Britain. And every era since - from the Saxon, the Norman, the Medieval, the Tudor, the Stuart, the Georgian, the Victorian and the Modern has left its mark on the town in some way or another. My prior knowledge of Colchester stretched to a Zoo, a prison and some vague thought it has something to do with that dreadful reality show, The Only Way is Essex. How wrong could I be!
Colchester Town were the town's main club in the early 20th century and were the original tenants of Layer Road. In 1935 they joined the Eastern Counties League, but their poor performances in the league convinced supporters that the club should turn professional like nearby Ipswich Town. Officials at the club were against the idea, resulting in a new professional club, Colchester United, being formed in March 1937, which would also play at Layer Road. United joined the Southern League and crowds at Town matches quickly dwindled. In December, United formed a reserve team, signing many Town players. As a result of this and financial problems (the club were £300 in debt), Town folded in the same month!
Colchester’s sons and daughters include presenter, Dermot O’Leary, Musician Damon Albarn, All round general prick Darren Day, and Paul Allender from odd rock group Cradle of Filth (I had to listen to them to find out what they sounded like!) Other people who have lived or died in Colchester include the milk snatcher Margaret Thatcher, and everybody’s favourite morality campaigner, Mary Whitehouse, the cunt.
I have now appointed Flashheart as theTEF Official Matchday Thread Poet Laureate, this is the fantastic first offering from our very own Wordsworth.
Flashheart's FoughtsThe gaffer's still here to many a cheer, if things go our way he'll be here next year.
With tears in his is eyes twas a joyous surprise to hear him planning our next foe’s demise.
The board rumbles on with its takeover kerfuffle and still we’re frustrated their voices are muffled.
With some feeling threatened by fears of doom it’ll be good for a win to help lift the gloom.
So on to Colchester, that’s in the South East. We'll all be hoping for a point at least.
With a squad looking thinner than a meth-head wench we may not have men to fill up the bench.
Even with few men Paolo will try for a blinding performance no man can deny.
A win in this game would do us no wrong, we’ll be nearer promotion and where we belong.
Still some will be musing that all is bleak but perhaps they’ll be smiling this time next week.
If the new board’s revealed to have wealth and honour, things will be better than sex with Madonna. What are they saying about us? – “The game definitely appears more interesting for a U's fan than 5 weeks ago.
Reckon it could be a tight 1st half”
Again, it would appear the main forum takes registration just to be able to view it.
Colchester United Last 6 – LLLLWW (Currently 18th in League1)
The Threat – Freddie Sears. Now there is a name I remember a few years back as being the next big thing at West Ham. Oh dear. So far this season he has found the back of the net on 6 occasions.
A Warm Welcome Too – I was hoping I could list various besmirchments upon the character of Michael Rose, but The U’s have seen sense and released him.
The irrelevant stats – Colchester possess the twelfth strongest home attack (scoring 1.29 goals per game) and the ninth weakest home defence (conceding 1.36 goals per game); We have the eleventh strongest away attack (scoring 1.29 goals per game) and boast the third strongest away defence (conceding just 0.86 goals per game!)
Head to Head – We have played Colchester on 67 occasions and in that time we have won 26 times, lost 26 times and shared the points 15 times.
The Odds – Colchester 3/1 Draw 13/5 Swindon Evens (Prices from Bet365) I have watched the odds for a couple of days now and our price has drifted out a bit, I’m guessing only having 13 fit players may have something to contribute to that. If Adam Rooney gets another chance today you can generally get 6/1 on him to score the 1st goal.
The Son Says – If Paolo is still our manager by kick off we will win 2-1, allegedly.
The Prediction - Colchester have had an upturn in fortunes recently. Had this game been played on the original scheduled date The U’s were in the middle of a very poor run of form and we were dishing out hidings left, right and centre, so form has changed. We will still have too much for them though. A 3-1 away win, goals from Williams (2) and A. Rooney, my guess would be around 4’040 in attendance with a very respectable 349 travelling to the Far East.
And Finally – Colchester is the most widely credited source of the rhyme Humpty Dumpty. During the siege of Colchester in the Civil War, a Royalist sniper known as One-Eyed Thompson sat in the belfry of the church of St Mary-at-the-Walls (Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall) and was given the nickname Humpty Dumpty, most likely because of his size, Humpty Dumpty being a common insult for the overweight. Thompson was shot down (Humpty Dumpty had a great fall) and, shortly after, the town was lost to the Parliamentarians (all the king's horses and all the king's men / couldn't put Humpty together again.)
