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Author Topic: Friday Joke  (Read 108030 times)
Sussex

« Reply #165 on: Sunday, July 25, 2010, 20:20:59 »

Need cheering up?

Watch your wedding video backwards. You'll love the bit where she takes the ring off, walks down the aisle, gets in the car and fucks off.
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BANGKOK RED

« Reply #166 on: Tuesday, July 27, 2010, 06:59:21 »

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing
a show in a small town in Tasmania .
With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb
blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair
and starts shouting:
'I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as
a human being?
It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at
work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as
people.
Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination
against not only blondes, but women in general.. and all in the name
of humour!'
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde
yells:
'You stay out of this mate!
I'm talking to that little shit on your lap!'
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Ginginho

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« Reply #167 on: Tuesday, July 27, 2010, 07:25:38 »

Paddy and Murphy walking down the street when a lorry full of turf drives past.

Paddy turns to Murphy and says "That's what i'm going to do when I win the lottery, send my grass away to be cut"
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Don Rogers Shop

« Reply #168 on: Tuesday, July 27, 2010, 08:26:33 »

Paddy rang the rape help line and said 'quick i got the bitch pinned down what do i do next'.
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leefer

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« Reply #169 on: Tuesday, July 27, 2010, 18:24:23 »

Paddy baught a gundog...and broke its neck trying to load it.
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BANGKOK RED

« Reply #170 on: Wednesday, August 11, 2010, 09:22:03 »

Paddy and his wife were discussing their sex life. Paddy said, "I want to try that wheelbarrow position tonight."

His wife asked, "What is that?"

Paddy told her, "You bend over, put your hands on the floor then I pick your legs up and take you from behind!"

His wife said, "Hmm, okay, I'll do it on two conditions. First, if it hurts you stop immediately and, second, ... we don't go down past my mother's house!"
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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #171 on: Wednesday, August 11, 2010, 09:40:37 »

The other day, I watched as another woman inserted her fingers into my wife's pussy. Like a lot of guys in that situation, I decided to have a wank.

I thought I better stop when I got a disapproving look from the midwife.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
Peter Venkman
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« Reply #172 on: Wednesday, August 11, 2010, 10:52:27 »

Lynx - cos some women just aren't worth showering for!
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
Sussex

« Reply #173 on: Tuesday, August 17, 2010, 06:13:46 »

A mans wife hits him across the head.
He asks "Whats that for?".
She says "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Sexy Sarah written on it".
Quick as a flash he says "Thats the name of a horse I bet on today, you silly cow!"- She apologises.

A week later she hits him over the head with a frying pan, and he asks "What the fuck was that for?"
She replies, "Your fucking horse phoned!"
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ronnie21

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« Reply #174 on: Tuesday, August 17, 2010, 09:54:16 »

Why do women have no sense of humour?  My wife didn't find it half as funny as I did when I swapped her tampon for a party popper!!
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jutty274

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« Reply #175 on: Tuesday, August 17, 2010, 11:00:01 »

My bank has just introduced a new service where i send them a text and they text me my balance back, i think it is really cool but i don't think the soapy tit wank was necessary.
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BristolRovers

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« Reply #176 on: Tuesday, August 17, 2010, 21:11:07 »

I was working late at the Carphone Warehouse last night when I received this text from my wife:

'Darling,thespacebuttonisfaultyonthisphone.

Whenyougethomepleasegivemeanalternative.'
...
And as I eagerly rushed home, I couldn't help but wonder...

What the hell does 'ternative' mean?
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BANGKOK RED

« Reply #177 on: Wednesday, August 18, 2010, 14:20:31 »

An Aussie stockman and his wife had just got married and found a nice hotel for their wedding night.
The man approached the front desk and asked for a room.

He said, 'We're on our honeymoon and we need a nice room, with a good strong bed."

The clerk winked, 'You want the 'Bridal'?'

The drover reflected on this for a moment and then replied,
"Nah, I reckon not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it."
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nevillew
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« Reply #178 on: Wednesday, August 18, 2010, 14:27:45 »

An Aussie stockman and his wife had just got married and found a nice hotel for their wedding night.
The man approached the front desk and asked for a room.

He said, 'We're on our honeymoon and we need a nice room, with a good strong bed."

The clerk winked, 'You want the 'Bridal'?'

The drover reflected on this for a moment and then replied,
"Nah, I reckon not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it."

Alternative - when they got to the room, the drover immediately stood the bed up against the wall and moved all the other furniture to the sides of the room.

"What are you doing ?" asked the wife  "Well if it's anything like being with a kangaroo, we'll need all the space we can get" he replied.
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Paolo Di Canio, it's Paolo Di Canio
Peter Venkman
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« Reply #179 on: Wednesday, August 18, 2010, 15:03:04 »

Instead of having a "sex talk" with my 14 year old son I decided to show him a porno movie.

Afterwards he said to me "Dad are all women like that, or is it just Mum?"
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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