People that knock on your door and ask to see your energy bills

[trogladite]

threaten to knee cap them...they'll stop coming back

I always ask to see their private parts.  One day they'l call my bluff and then I'll be in the cack.

[larwood]

Let them in then laugh in a really loud weird way as you lock the door from inside then when they go to sit down scream careful you nearly sat on my mum

Thing is you would really do that.You know no shame 

Some times living three flights up in a block of flats isn't so bad.

[Arriba]

i just dont bother answering the door.if they piss me off on the phone i blow a whistle down it

[Doore]

i just dont bother answering the door.if they piss me off on the phone i blow a whistle down it

The whistle could work at the door.  Just open the door and blow on it (the whistle, no smart comments please) while they are trying to talk. 

This would be improved further by being naked except for some sort of novelty hat.

[4D]

The whistle could work at the door.  Just open the door and blow on it (the whistle, no smart comments please) while they are trying to talk. 

This would be improved further by being naked except for some sort of novelty hat.

 

[Batch]

I hate these people. At least with jahova's witness you can scare then into not knocking on your door with a prominently placed 'give blood' sticker. Perhaps garlic would work on them?

[Ginginho]

I always think i'm gonna act really angry at these cold callers, but when it comes to it, I just can't.
Sometimes they are really polite and it feels a bit wrong to tell them to fuck off.
So I usually just listen to what they have to say, then politely say i'm not interested.
I'm just a bit of a wuss. They're just people doing a job they probably hate, just to pay the bills.
My missus is pretty blunt, she'll just say "i'm not interested" and shut the door. So I let her answer the door now

[Power to people]

Just tell them that you don't own the property so it is not down to you to decide - that usually works and they go off to next door

They can never put anything in the post to you though as their deal only last's today of course, I thought cold calling was banned though anyway if not it should be

[Phil_S]

I don't despise them, they are after all trying to earn a living. BUT, I would never ever buy at the door or even from a telephone cold call which is just as bad, particualrly when they can't be arsed to dial your number personally & get a machine to do it.
If you want to make savings as has been said go online to compare prices then buy using a cash back site. (Who pay you what would have been paid to the comparison site) Simples !

[pauld]

Just tell them that you don't own the property so it is not down to you to decide

Sorry, mate, can't help you, I'm just here burgling the place

[Summerof69]

They always say the same thing, that they offer the best deal.

Well most of them are lying.

And if they try and phone me up, I say due to security reasons I don't buy anything off the phone, because I don't know who I'm speaking to. Since I started doing that, the number of phonecalls have dropped.

[Simon Pieman]

Just tell them that you don't own the property so it is not down to you to decide - that usually works and they go off to next door

They can never put anything in the post to you though as their deal only last's today of course, I thought cold calling was banned though anyway if not it should be

That's what I do for sales people.

I just tell charity workers I'm unemployed (I'm not), although one tried to persuade me to work for them after I said this. I didn't feel so guilty for lying when I found out what she was paid (not mega bucks but it's a job not a voluntary thing).

[Ardiles]

A few sugested responses...

'Down, boy!  Down!  Sorry.  Rex does get agitated sometimes, especially around people he doesn't know.  Do you like Staffordshire Bull Terriers?'

'It's alright, Mother!  I'll apply the rest of the haemorrhoid cream in a minute after I've made this nice young man a cup of tea.'

'Are you a friend of Jesus?'

[Doore]

Haven't done it on the doorstep, but in town when hounded by clipboard people I have used "I am ever so sorry, but I really do not speak a word of English".  Annoys the hell out of them.  One even called me a prick.  She might have had a point, but she left me well alone when I walked back past her 10 mins later.

[penhill red]

I always used to answer the door in my pants scratching my arse, they always used to give it the i'll call back later response but never did, quite funny to see them trying to make a serious selling point to a man in his pants, they clearly just couldn't concentrate.