Help Needed From The TEF Agony Aunts.

[Ardiles]

I think you know where you heading by now.  If I can add a few thoughts...if she's 25 this is just the start.  By the time she's 30 the biological clock will be going completely mental.  She told you a few years ago that she could do without kids because

(a) the clock possibly wasn't ticking quite as loud then; and
(b) she loved you and didn't want to lose you.

She now realises that it was a rash promise and doesn't know what to do.  I'm afraid the bottom line (even if she won't admit this to herself) is that if you aren't able to give her children, she'll need to find someone to be with who can.

I don't mean to sound flippant because I know feelings are involved (yours and hers) and you're probably going to get hurt in the short term.  I went through something fairly similar about 10 years ago - although on that occasion the girl and I were both in our mid 20s and it was she that was ruling the kids thing out.  (I wasn't desperate for them back then...just didn't want to rule it out forever.  I'm now father to a beautiful 8 month old baby boy, so definitely the right decision in the long run.)

I think you need to set her free, mate.

[Jamiesfuturewife]

How many kids have you got? just one? I dont think 44 is too old to be a dad personally but if you dont want any more then fair enough 

by the way my boyfriend is alot older than me and weve been together like 8 years but he doesnt have any kids or ex wives etc so I guess its a bit different

hold on so when you got together she was 21 and you were 40?? sly old dog  

[tans]

my mrs is 13yrs older than me.

[Jamiesfuturewife]

really? thats interesting? Ive always thought younger guys wouldnt go for older ladies?

[tans]

im 25, shes 38

[jayohaitchenn]

Fuck yeah. Older ladies are the way forward.

[ghanimah]

really? thats interesting? Ive always thought younger guys wouldnt go for older ladies?

I'm same as tans, my wife's 13 years older than me.

[Jamiesfuturewife]

Im loving this info

[Arriba]

i shagged a 29 year old when i was 18 if that counts?
 
in regard to herhabs problem,her yearning for kids may pass and the relationship could carry on as normal.or it wont and you'll have to part,(unless you give in and become a dad again?)
it is a shame but these things happen.a mate of mine is divorcing for the same reason(his mrs changed her mind after agreeing to not wanting kids at the start of the relationship)
dunno how i'd feel about it if it happend to me? if i loved the woman, 44 isn't old in todays society.is a baby such a bad idea?

[Ardiles]

in regard to herhabs problem,her yearning for kids may pass...

Obviously I don't know the lady in question (or Hertha for that matter).  But I'd be very surprised if her yearning did pass.  It's an instinct that people either have or they don't have.  Not the sort of thing that can be turned on or off at will.

[BANGKOK RED]

herthab. Take her on holiday to Thailand and let her baby sit my little'un for a couple of hours, that'll change her mind.

[Don Rogers Shop]

Adopt a black boy and call him marmite

[Sippo]

I shagged a woman 18 years older than me once. I was 22 she was 40. Taught me a few things...

[STFCBird]

Adopt a black boy and call him marmite

Sorry that just made me spit squash all over my desk.  What is wrong with Bovril?

Herthab, I'm very sorry to hear all of this, you can only do what is best for you and if you really don't want kids and she really does then you aren't meant to be.  There has to come a point where you have to walk away because you know it's the right thing to do for you in the long run.  If she stays she may resent you for it further down the line.  It does sound though that she needs to take some time to sort her head out and decide what she really wants, because you don't tell someone you aren't sure you want to be with them, you usually tell them when you are sure you don't want to be with them?!

On another note - Why do men always propose in the face of a relationship collapse?

[suttonred]

i shagged a 29 year old when i was 18 if that counts?
 
in regard to herhabs problem,her yearning for kids may pass and the relationship could carry on as normal.or it wont and you'll have to part,(unless you give in and become a dad again?)
it is a shame but these things happen.a mate of mine is divorcing for the same reason(his mrs changed her mind after agreeing to not wanting kids at the start of the relationship)
dunno how i'd feel about it if it happend to me? if i loved the woman, 44 isn't old in todays society.is a baby such a bad idea?

  It's not the social age thing as such, it's just it's very tiring having a small one after 40, its the same as going on a bender on a monday night and going straight to work after, you can do it at 25 not at 45, bloody kills you.