Exam answers

[jim]

The following questions and answers were collected from last year's GCSE exams. These are (allegedly) genuine responses!! (from 16 year olds)!
 
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
 
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to  drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
 
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
 
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
 

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
 
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
 
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
 
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
 
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
 
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
 
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
 
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]
 
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax, and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels,
A,E,I,O and U.
 
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
 
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
 
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
 
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
 
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
 
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport
 
Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
 
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
 
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head
 

[janaage]

ha ha some of those are pretty good!  varicose, benign for example.

[Matchworn Shirts]

I am sure somebody has posted this before but there is a website which has funny exam papers

[url width=285 height=200]http://takeupyourbedandwalk.com/images/blog/findX.jpg[/url]

[url width=400 height=300]http://p.ondero.us/images/exam-funny-answers.jpg[/url]

[url width=431 height=322]http://www.theworldsbestever.com/2007/11/28/funny-exam-answers.jpg[/url]

[url width=500 height=232]http://taktak.net/Repository/blog/318/577341d1-cad8-418f-8c8d-657f0bf4a6d6.jpg[/url]

[url width=400 height=367]http://1800hart.com/blog/wp-content/_pic24773.jpg[/url]

[url width=451 height=301]http://img408.imageshack.us/img408/9152/calculusbatmanidentityxx0.jpg[/url]

[url width=400 height=299]http://farm1.static.flickr.com/167/393765082_ae5a8ff183.jpg[/url]

[url width=791 height=247]http://trulymarsha.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/triangle.jpeg[/url]

[axs]

I like the batman one, I've seen the rest before.

The 'Elephant in the way' is still ace.

[Rich Pullen]

Good ol' 2 Girls and a Cup
[url width=800 height=1100]http://www.funnyexamanswers.com/img/2girls1cupessayhm3.jpg[/url]
[url width=590 height=811]http://roflcaek.com/funnyexamanswers/2girls1cup-essay-page-2.jpg[/url]

and, ode to an angry, angry child...

[url width=440 height=686]http://www.funnyexamanswers.com/img/essayanswers.jpg[/url]

 

[michael]

These aren't real though are they.

Nothing annoys me more than untruths dressed up as facts.

[jim]

These aren't real though are they.

Nothing annoys me more than untruths dressed up as facts.

Dangerous ground there Michael

[michael]

Oh I'm not having a go at you Jim, that's probably how that came across. I have these down as being more of an urban legend than truth.

I am a right misery guts sometimes 

[Nemo]

In my General Studies Exam, there was genuinely a question asking you to rename a planet after a well know scientist and explain why.

I wrote a paragraph explaining the case for Patrick Moore, and got an A. Joke subject.

[Rich Pullen]

If was a teacher I'd upload my students stupidity online. Even if it does suggest I'm not doing my job properly.

[BANGKOK RED]

I like the TNMT one: "Wish I could give you marks for this, love it!"

[Simon Pieman]

In my General Studies Exam, there was genuinely a question asking you to rename a planet after a well know scientist and explain why.

I wrote a paragraph explaining the case for Patrick Moore, and got an A. Joke subject.

We went though an old question paper the week before my real exam. There was a question about justifying the costs for space exploration. The exact same question came up in my real exam.

Indeed the subject is a joke and I wasted 2 hours a week at college to get a meaningless AS Level.