Last Day of the Premiership

[Nemo]

Shameless copy and pasted from elsewhere, but its rather good.

14.59: Reading take the lead at Pride Park. A new low for Derby – a minute before kick-off and they're already a goal down.

15.04: Chelsea one-up with a beautiful flowing move finished off by a trademark Lamps triple-deflection.

15.08: Hold the front page! Emile Heskey scores and Wigan are one-up. Fergie is cross. Brucie is bleeding furious!

15.13: Gareth Barry scores for Villa. Randy Lerner's head goes 'kerchingg!' and he gives Tom Hicks a bell.

15.17: 2-0 to Chelsea! A penalty after Drogba is brought down in the area by, well, no-one- unless it was the ghost of Chopper Harris.

15.20: Penalty to Man U as Ronaldo goes down under pressure from a challenge by the southerly breeze.

15.24: Ronaldo converts the pen after pausing for four minutes in the middle of his run-up. 1-1.

15.32: Reading score again.

15.33: Reading score again.

15.34: Reading score again. Kitson hat-trick in 90 seconds. So untaxing, it's been gift-aided.

15.40: Chelsea go three up with a glorious strike by Ashley Cole.

15.41: Diouf is off at the Bridge. Red card for, well, being downright irritating. Correct decision.

15.46: Fulham score at Pompey. Bullard free-kick.
Half-time - and if it stays like this, Brum and Reading are down and Chelsea are champs.

16.02: Michael Owen scores at Goodison. (Calm down, he missed three sitters in the first half, obviously).

16.07: Reading get a fifth! Leroy Lita taps in a Robbie Savage pass-back.

16.10: Chelsea get four! Shevchenko scores. (At the same time, Scarlett Johannsen announces her engagement to Ricky from Eastenders and Katie Jordan strings together a sentence.) Bolton under real pressure now. Megson sends on three big lads and tells them: "When you get it – hoof it!"

16.24: Sven-Goran Eriksson is held captive in the away end at the Boro. Unfortunately there are so few fans at the Riverside he's easy to spot and the police step in. Liam Gallagher is arrested.

16.35: Didier Drogba falls to the ground in agony. The entirety of west London's ambulance crews are summoned. Will he make it to Moscow?

16.37: Drogba scores! How did he get over that cardiac arrest so quickly?

16.40: Everton equalise. Yakubu fluffs a gilt-edged chance but the ball rebounds off the corner-flag and this time the Nigerian makes no mistake.

16.45: Things are getting desperate for United, so Brucie takes off his centre-halves and plays 2-2-6.

16.48: Reading go six-up. Amazing!

16.49: Birmingham score but it's too late to save themselves. Everton scrape 5th, Chelsea win 5-0. Fulham hold on, and, with Reading, they are safe. Bolton are down and football fans everywhere are quietly happy.

17.07: Man U's search for a winner continues into the 17th minute of stoppage time. The ref has his whistle to his mouth...it’s a corner to Man U...in it goes, the big centre-half rises and....IT'S IN!!! Amazing!!!! BUT WHAT WAS BRUCIE DOING UP THERE IN THE BOX IN THE FIRST PLACE, EH???

[Rich Pullen]

I'd rather Reading went down  

[reeves4england]

I'd quite like to see Derby take all 3 points and send them down - about as humiliating as it could possibly be for Reading!

[axs]

and hand them their second win of the season in the process.

[my-velocity]

Reallt can't wait for the weekend..top and bottom places are decided. Love it..fulham hopefully stay up. Reading and Birmgingham down...

[Rich Pullen]

I only would like Reading to go down - honestly couldn't give a shite about the rest. Richard Keys will be made to spin it as the most significant day in football history.

[reeves4england]

I only would like Reading to go down - honestly couldn't give a shite about the rest. Richard Keys will be made to spin it as the most significant day in football history.

One of my friends is a Fulham fan. I can't decide if that means I should want them to stay up or go down!

[STFC_Gazzza]

Dont give a shit about the Premiershit. As Keegan said the top 4 are sorted before the season so... The only thing you dont know is who is going down.

[adje]

Dont give a shit about the Premiershit. As Keegan said the top 4 are sorted before the season so... The only thing you dont know is who is going down.

....or who's going to win it-not that I'm interested or anything

[Peter Venkman]

I dont care who gets relegated as long as its Reading!

[donkey]

I wish the title of this thread was true.  Or at least the top four bugger off to a closed European league, which I can then ignore.

[Simon Pieman]

I wish the title of this thread was true.  Or at least the top four bugger off to a closed European league, which I can then ignore.

They would simply be superseded by another big 3 or 4 teams

[reeves4england]

I wish the title of this thread was true.  Or at least the top four bugger off to a closed European league, which I can then ignore.

They would simply be superseded by another big 3 or 4 teams

Not necessarily. The creation of a European league would surely mean the end of the Champions League, which has been the main impetus behind the emergence of the "Big 4". Also, I don't imagine half of Asia would suddenly jump on the Everton, Aston Villa, Pompey and Spurs bandwagons!

[Nemo]

Everton already have a reasonable Asian fanbase, hence the Chang Beer sponsorship and the signing of Le Tie, and the memorable 11 o clock kick off between them and Man City a few years back.

[Bogus Dave]

Anyone who thinks the "big four" splitting away from the premiership would be good for english football is wrong. Pure and simple.