When a mate drops you in it.....

[Reg Smeeton]

.....all this talk of Fred and his date and Forest Green, got me thinking of an occasion, when I was seeing a bird who lived in the Glos countryside not too far from Nailsworth.

   Not bad, but not a stunner, but with her own bijou stone cottage, decent motor and a recent divorce, no kids.

 We'd driven out on a balmy mid summer evening to this very pleasant boozer, in the middle of nowhere called Waterley Bottom.

  Reg was putting on his best sophisticated act, when out of the nearby woods appeared this fella, who resembled the wild man of Borneo, who I knew....Swindon boy

  He was living rough up in the woods,  sort of hippy idea.....promptly gets out the  :doobie:  how could I refuse.   Bird though took a very dim view, being a pillar of the community,  had a hisssy fit, drove off and left me with wildman  

 Had to walk for a couple of hours to get back to hers.  

  Anybody else been    by a mate?

  PS.....this is an effort to escape the reality of STFC.

[Dazzza]

A lot of the lads are now tied into birds as is usually the case over the festive season but we routinely stitch one another’s efforts up when out and about.

I think one of the worst though was when I secured this tidy 19yr old a couple of years back.  I’d done the ground work for a few weeks bought the drinks, made conversation when out and about and got the result hook line and sinker on a Saturday night.

Now my housemate who had been on an all day session systematically sampling every Bushy’s breweries pints and guest ales one by one all afternoon had not made the evening session and had headed home to our shared apartment at about eight thirty.  Our paths hadn’t crossed and after his attempts to speak at around 5 on the phone I wrote him off for the night.

Anyway, he returned home with the hunger of Rick Waller after sex and had attempted to order takeaways for about two hours but such was his inebriated state the local Chinese and kebab/piazza places couldn’t understand a word of his inebriated rantings.

Meanwhile I make a sharp exit at about 1pm with the young lady and return home open the door and find a thick blanket of solid black smoke greeting me past the front door.  Anyway I dashed in pulled out my unconscious mate in his pants who had passed out (and was fine) and discovered he had placed an oven pie complete with tin foil in the microwave.  The microwave had melted inside and smoked the place out to high heaven.

After much wafting and window opening we cleared the worst of it but the stench and the state of the place ended up in madam demanding a taxi and ME paying while drunken bastard ate a block of MY cheese like an apple laughing away in the corner like some sort of loony half naked coal miner!  Cheeky cow.  :evil:

[Ralphy]

       

[Spud]

     

[Amir]

I've done it the other way around

While out one night my mate saw a girl he liked, so asked me to chat to her friend.  I must have been pretty gone by this point to agree to it, as I don't remember her being particularly pleasant on the eye, although luckily I'm quite coherent unless I'm on the slippery slope to oblivion.  

An hour or so later we're all on the dancefloor with my mate getting on very nicely with said girl.  My one decides this is the time to go for the kill and near on attacks me.  By now I'm at the stage of drunkeness where I'm almost ready to accept it because it's on a plate.....but not quite.  I tried to move slightly away after an initial little peck, but I stumble a bit, she stumbles, and the next thing she's on the floor clutching her ankle.  My attempts to try and pull up with one arm weren't going down particularly well, so a couple of bouncers had to carry her to a taxi, with her friend in tow.

To my friend's credit he just laughed.  Then we carried on drinking

[Bushey Boy]

ace.  I hope GFM dont contribute as he has a few stories.

[flammableBen]

I did a really bad one once. Against every thing which would be in a blokes code of conduct. Fucked up my mates relationship chances with a girl I knew he liked. It wasn't all my fault though.

 During my last year of uni my house mate Dan had been laying the foundations with this bird called Titch. She was a really nice girl, probably could have done with watching some Trinny & Susanna (or whatever they're called) as sometimes she'd pick out the wrong clothes and look a bit frumpy (I think that's the techinical term), but apart from than she was pretty attractive and definately a keeper.

She'd been coming round a few evenings a week just to hang out with Dan. They were just stepping it up a level and she'd started staying occasionally. I was pretty glad for him, although a bit pissed off because he could be a good drinking buddy at times.

The year before, Dan had ended a year or two long relationship which can only be described as volatile. Unfortunately Dan hadn't learnt his lesson about his slightly mental ex (and I mean mental) and had taken to meeting up with her for a (cringeworthingly named) fuck-buddy style relationship.

I'd been out on the lash all day with a few mates who were down visiting. We were about 5 pubs into a leisurely pub crawl and who comes up to say hello but Titch. The conversation went something like this...

"Hey Ben, is Dan ok?"
"Yeah he's fine, why?"
"Well I thought we were supposed to be meeting up last night, but I couldn't get hold of him."
"Really? He might have been busy with some coursework stuff."
"No I don't think so, he said he didn't have anything else for a few months."
"Maybe his phone wasn't working?"
"Well sometimes he let it ring and other times he hung up."

There were a few more excuses and responses before I gave up and blurted out...

"He's was sleeping with his ex."

I think she had a pretty good idea that they were still meeting up, and it wouldn't have been too bad, but I continued on to tell her how he'd they'd been at it quite often for the last few months.

Dan was surprisingly nice to me about it. I think he was feeling guilty about finding it hard to let go of his ex as it was. Which was lucky for me because he was completely within his rights to give me a hardcore kicking. To be fair I was bigger than him, but that's not he point. It was up for him to come clean not me.

Interestingly, last I heard Titch was going out with my last mate who's still down in Exeter. I really should go down and visit. Adam he's called. I think I still owe him £20  from 2 and 1/2 years ago.

[sonic youth]

awesome thread.

[Gazza's Fat Mate]

right where do i start my so called "best mate" mr bushey has repeatedly cunted me thourgh the time i have now him below are the best one:

NYE

We all went out to reflex in watford got there fairly early and with busheys sister in tow got shamsed. As the evening went on and I gave up on my attempts at pulling bushyes sister i cast my eye at other young ladies I took up postion at the top of a little set of stairs for a better view of the ladies. One of the pissed up ladies stares at me (bushey has seen this) she runs towards me shouting robbieeeeeeeeeeee so i get ready to catch her just as she jumps bushey shouts "drink mate" this total puts me off and the bird falls out of my arms and cracks the back of her head on the stairs with a almighty thump fuck me i thought she was dead so did everyone who saw it bushey just carries on doing the chicken dance

The Teachers

Me and Bushey used to regualry get smashed and try to pull ladies old ones (the record was 43) short ones, tall ones and in busheys case black ones. Well one friday nite i was doing very well and had managed to chat up two very sexy teachers now it had always been one of my fansties to fuck a teacher so iwas playing it cool and the one i was keen on was clearly up for a good fucking. The club shut at 1 so i left bushey who was also gonna have it the othr teacher with the two teachers while i went to the loo to get some jonnys and have a piss. I was gone no longer than 5mins when i got back the teahcers had left and been replaced by a pile of sick and bushey boy smiling saying "i don't know where they went? wanna chicken burger"

My first Love
 
Bushey got together was this girled called anna who was 25ish me bushey and few other mates all went out with annas group of mates on a piss up. I fell head over heels for one of this group called jo problem was I was only 17 she was 25. Any way I spent a few weeks trying to convice her and it was clear she liked me alot but was unhappy at the age gap. Jo and anna came out for my 18th birthday and a good time was had by all. jo had said for my birthday that i was gonna get a speacail present involing an england top and white stockings. As me bushey his g/f anna and my g/f jo were walking home i'm walking very qucikly home i wanna get onto the present anna asks bushey:

anna "what are you doing tomarrow"
bushey "celebrating"
anna "celebrating what?"
bushey "being single"

the cunt then runs off down the road leaving this anna bird in tears. Jo and me just stand there. Jo is not happy at all and has to look arfter her best mate so my present is off. I run arfter bushey to try and get things back on track but it's all fucked and instead of jo fucking my brains out all night i spend the night sleeping on the floor of busheys room. it took me another month before i fucked jo and a year later she left me and i turned to drugs to ease the pain!

K HOLE

Bushey invited me to some chaps birthday night out. I was still getting over jo and was injesting any drugs i could. For this night out i thought i try some ket which i enjoyed no end i spent the whole night in a world of my own dancing with a pillar!! bushey and co aren't happy as this was the time that bushey was anti drugs. I didn't even know what plant i was on so did care less. when the club closed bushey bundles me into a taxi this totaly fucks me up and i go into a k hole bushey being the mate he is then proceds to kick the shit out of me for running the night quite how i did this when i didn't say nything and i was on the otherside of the club is beyond me and he had nver expalineed why he beat me up??? anyway  im to fucked to move speak anything so just have to take it a kicking i wake up the next morning in my front garden blooded and brusied. didn't speak to bushey for 6months arfter that.

[Miss Angry]

That just cheered my morning up!  

[Bushey Boy]

Oh come on mate, I thought youd mention the teachers but fucking hell I forgot about teh rest.  It werent that bad, were still best mates...!

You forgot the amsterdam trip when I was meant to be at your bday

[Simon Pieman]

That Bushey Boy is a right cunt  

[sonic youth]

that post was truly brilliant.

[Bushey Boy]

I forgot most of that, I honestly cant believe he put all that.  What a wanker

[Chubbs]

more stories!!