I would like to issue the following apologies in light of recent events
1. I would like to apologise to Mexico red for a story I wrote suggesting that he terrorised a coach load of schoolchildren on their way to The Bronski beat museum in Brighton. I would also like to state that a museum dedicated to 80's homosexual pop group Bronski beat doesn't exist....which must come as a disappointment to Si Pie. I would also like to state my regret that I hinted that Mexico red had connections with gangsters and hitmen, and if he didn't get voted on the Trust board would have people shot
2. I would like to apologise to Si Pie for suggesting that he might be interested in visiting a museum dedicated to 80's homosexual pop group Bronski beat.
3. I would like to apologise to Yeovil red for suggesting that he had won crufts as a pedigree boozehound and that he sniffed his own farts and scraped his arse along the carpet. Also that he wheels his dogs around in a pram.
4. I would like to say sorry to sonic youth for implying that the only reason he went to college was to stand in the library pretending to read French literature in an attempt to catch the eye of a girl he'd seen reading some John Paul Satre in the canteen.
5. I'd like to offer my sincere apologies to Fred Elliot for stating that he is actually a 12 year old trapped in the body of a 45 year old man, and that he lives in a treehouse in his back garden.
6. I'd like to apologise to Ralphy for taking the piss out of him when he went to Ibiza, a place full of sex, drugs and clubs, and chose to share a room with his dad. I'd also like to apologise for stating that an avatar he had of himself looked like Lee Peacock holding a chimp.
7. I'd like to apologise to Fatbury for comparing him to a cross between Jimmy Saville and The Yorkshire ripper. Also for accusing him of murder.I also may of suggested that he can often be found hiding in stairwells so that you can look up ladies skirts while he furiously masturbates into an empty pot noodle cup.
8. I'd like to apologise to Kinky Tom for putting up a picture of what I claimed to be his hairdressers
http://www.reigate-banstead.gov.uk/Images/Mayor%20&%20Joan%20Ingram%20with%20Terry2_tcm5-11743.jpg9.I'd like to apologise to Summer of 69 for suggesting that prior to joining the Trust he was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar.
10. I'd like to apologise to STFC Bird for stating that anyone who likes David Hasselhoff must have a brain the size and consistency of a Dairylea cheese triangle.
11.I'd like to apologise to millom red for suggesting that he is a war mongering nutjob who forms opinions on people based solely on their ability to dismantle and reassemble various firearms.
12.I'd like to apologise to Janaage for writing a story about how he was upgrading the orange revolution to orange armageddon. In the story I suggested he was forming a wrestling tag team and planning a showdown with the board in The County Ground car park. I accept this is not true.
13.I'd like to apologise to Bennett, Leggett, Bushey boy and Sam for writing a story about them being in a boyband called Boyz 4 skin, headlined Boyz 4 skin split.
14.I'd like to apologise to Piemonte for a story about him hanging out in toilets on the off chance of touching other men's bottoms. I also mentioned prior to that story that he drinks from urinals.
15. I'd like to apologise of course to Ironside for implying that he injected himself with Bernard Manning.
There's probably people that I've forgotten but I hope you can all find it in your hearts to forgive me for any damage I may have done to your name, your reputations, and of course your feelings.
Regards
Spacey
