Trust board personal statements

[spacey]

For those of you who have been unable to read the personal statements of the candidates, I have written some of them up for you. I'll try and do the rest when I get time.....

Paul Davis

Age: 36 Occupation: Lefty Live: Coate, Swindon

I have been involved in the Trust since I felt compelled to overcome the patriarchal hegemony inherent in the system. It is my aim to overthrow the capitalist regime that uses the blood of the working classes to oil the wheels of the selfish money making machine that bleeds this club dry. I call on you, comrades to gather your pitchforks and join me in our fight to rid our club of this champagne guzzling cancer that threatens to rip our glorious Swindon from the grasp of the working man. Can you stand by and watch as these fascist bully boys goose step over the rotting corpse of this great club that has done so much to bring joy to the lives of so many hardworking decent men ? Can you stand by and watch as the lifeblood of the community which is made up of hardworking black lesbian single parents is stamped upon by soulless corporate vermin in shiny leather boots?

A vote for Davis is a vote for the working man!.......or woman regardless of their sexuality or colour of their skin.


I was a miner
I was a docker
I was a railway man
Between the wars
I raised a family
In times of austerity
With sweat at the foundry
Between the wars

James Walsh

Age:21  Occupation: Eeeeerrrrr  Live:Bampton, Oxon

I am currently at college, the main purpose of which is to stand in the library reading French literature in a desperate attempt to catch the attention of a girl I overheard talking about John Paul Sartre in the canteen. She's such a hotty totty fitty! I'd like to marry her one day. Do you have any idea what it's like to love a girl who doesn't even know you exist?

Being a student, i don't really have any skills relevent to anything at all but I feel that I can offer the ability to roll fags from the butts found in ashtrays and can make something almost edible from a bag of flour, a tin of beans and some potatoes that have gone abit green.

Alan Hayward

Age:47 Occupation: Mid life crisis  Live: West Swindon


Hi kids! I'm Alan but you can call me Al  I'm 47 but don't let that throw you, I'm still down with it. I love all the latest pop groups like The Arctic monks and The Fartellis. I think I can bring a fresh and funky vibe to the Trust, I'm also considering growing a ponytail. Maybe we could go to a club and strut our stuff to the latest tuuuunnes by Kings of Len and The Kasabians.


Iain Huddy

Age: 35 Occupation: Shouting Live: Brighton

Having supported Swindon for 30 years (I'm supporter of the year if you wanna question me you cunt!) I'd better fucking well get voted onto the board or heads are gonna fucking roll! Despite living in Brighton I am most definitely not a bummer. The thought of grown men joined in some sordid daisy chain of sodomy, their muscular frames glistening with sweat as they indulge themselves in........eeerrr, I'm definately not gay!

Through my business I have built up some strong connections with various gangsters and hitmen so if I don't get voted on I'll have you all shot.

[Foggy]

:Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick   This is the fucking funniest thing i have read in ages

[pauld]

Brilliant. Wish I'd thought of making you my campaign manager then you could have written my resume thing and saved me a load of time. In the interests of balance though you've got to finish it off and do the other buggers as well

[Piemonte]

Do more you ciren cunt!  

[yeo]

Ace

[TalkTalk]

Brilliant

I've been sussed..!

[Mexicano Rojo]

dead man writing

[Fred Elliot]

Quality Spacey....................pure Quality !!!!!

     

[DV]

spacey strikes again  

[Summerof69]

Top notch....

Absolute quality  

[spacey]

Sam Binstead

Age: 20  Occupation: clicking refresh on forums  Live: Westlea, Swindon

When I tell people that at the age of 20 I'm getting married and buying a house, some of them say ' are you fucking mad!' while others say ' are you a fucking idiot!.' Most people of my age are experimenting with mind altering substances and generally having the time of their lives.... but I think my attitude makes me perfect to join a board that consists of bitter old men who have pretty much given up on life.

I work for a company called Capita where I spend the majority of my time clicking the refresh button on various football forums. For the remaining 10 minutes I take calls from people who have been mis-sold endowment policies by crooked financial advisers. They don't half whine on! So what if you were told that your endowment would pay off your mortgage and provide you with a lump sum! So what if you could potentially lose your home and have had to sell a kidney to make ends meet! You think you've got problems?! Yesterday I tried to log on to the TEF and it said critical error! It nearly was critical because I started to hyper ventilate and thought I was dying! Shortfall my arse!

Alan Jones

Age:34   Occupation: Nerd   Live: Central Swindon

I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar when I first became aware of the Trust. A gentleman had left a copy of the adver on the bar and while I was skimming through it I noticed a small article about them. When I got home I logged onto their website, I could instantly relate to them because when I clicked on the forum, much like myself it was completely empty inside.

I decide to attend one of their meetings. I expected to find a bunch of real ale drinkers in home knitted jumpers and crisps in their beards, I wasn't disappointed. The only exception was a man called Fred who turned up on a skateboard and greeted me with an excited ' COWABUNGA, DUDE!' Don't ask me why but I've been attending meetings ever since and am now a member of the board. Please vote for me....it's all I've got.

[spacey]

Further to a message received on my phone threatening me with death, I would like to make some amendments to Mr Huddy's statement..

Iain Huddy

Age: 35 Occupation: Shouting Live: Brighton

I was born in 1971 and raised by bandits on the Mexican border......and no they weren't fucking arse bandits before you start! Right spacey, you're fucking days are numbered!

[Samdy Gray]

Ace.

You sussed me.

[Summerof69]

Got me also.

I think we should just let Spacey do all of our synopsis' next time.

[Fred Elliot]

COWABUNGA DUDE !!!!!!!