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Author Topic: Friday Joke Thread  (Read 217881 times)
Peter Venkman
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« Reply #690 on: Friday, February 13, 2015, 09:10:32 »

If you hear from a charity called Youth In Asia, don't give them money.

They're just killing old people.



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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #691 on: Friday, February 13, 2015, 09:10:41 »

I just saw a bloke with a tiny bald patch, about the size of a postage stamp.

Could this, I wonder, be a sign of mail pattern baldness?
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DarloSTFC84

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Twittah.. @DarloJAG84


WWW

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« Reply #692 on: Friday, February 20, 2015, 05:32:22 »

Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
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Roaming the land while you sleep..
dave_bambers_right_sock

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« Reply #693 on: Monday, March 2, 2015, 11:08:52 »

Not a joke as such but this amused me more than it should have

http://lol60-51.diply.com/lolstuff/these-childrens-books-are-unintentionally-hilarious/89913  Cheesy
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Bewster

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We fucking love you Gumbo!




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« Reply #694 on: Monday, March 2, 2015, 11:33:51 »

In Game of Thrones what do you call the entrance to a brothel?

Hodor
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Red Frog
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Pondlife




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« Reply #695 on: Friday, March 6, 2015, 15:44:06 »

"So Kim Jong Un, when was the last time you had an election?"

"Just before bleakfast."
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Tout ce que je sais de plus sûr à propos de la moralité et des obligations des hommes, c'est au football que je le dois. - Albert Camus
dave_bambers_right_sock

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« Reply #696 on: Friday, March 20, 2015, 10:48:20 »

Mr. James Smith,
206 Andover Mews,
Salisbury,
Wiltshire.

Dear Mr. Smith,

Many thanks for your letter, suggesting your ex-wife as an ideal candidate for our new quiz show.
I have reviewed the qualities you describe of her and agree that she may possess the attributes we are looking for in the shows contestants. However, before we take this any further, I must point out that the name of the show is actually “Fact Hunt”. In light of this, please let me know if we should proceed and contact the lady concerned.

Yours sincerely,

Charles Knight,


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dave_bambers_right_sock

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« Reply #697 on: Friday, August 14, 2015, 17:58:52 »

You may have seen some of these before but hey it's friday  Yes

 My sex life hardly exists anymore, so I've converted to Islam and changed my name too Seldom Bin Laid!


I bought some 'Jamie Oliver Sausages' yesterday. On the packet it said 'Prick with a fork'…. I thought, can't argue with that!


When cooking Alphabet Soup, don't leave it unattended, it could spell disaster.



I had a row with my wife last night, she threw a bottle of fabric conditioner at me and it only just missed my head. It must have been Lenor because it was a bit too close for Comfort.


Then she said, "Can we make love like Elvis" and I said " what, "A little less conversation and a little more action!"

I love that new Korean vegetarian snack pot. Not Poodle.


My mate makes crockery disappear. I said are you a wizard? He said no I'm a saucerer.


If sex with two people is called a twosome and sex involving three people is called a threesome now I understand why they call me handsome!


Whoever stole my trainers whilst I was on the bouncy castle, just grow up!


Just bought an ABBA toilet....what a loo!



I’ve swapped our bed for a trampoline. My wife hit the roof!



A man saved his girlfriend's phone number on his mobile as “Battery Low”. Whenever she calls him in his absence, his wife takes the phone and plugs it into the charger!



Two Thai girls asked me if I’d like to go bed with them; they said it would be just like winning Lotto! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off, and to my horror, we had six matching balls!



Got a new Jack Russell pup today. He’s mainly black and brown with just a small white area. I’ve called him England.

Have a great weekend  Beers
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Talk Talk

« Reply #698 on: Friday, August 14, 2015, 22:36:30 »

My little daughter came home today and said that Simon showed her his willy. I was mortified. I asked her what it was like. She said that it was like a peanut. With some relief I asked her was that because it was small? She said no, it tasted salty
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Saxondale

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« Reply #699 on: Thursday, October 1, 2015, 13:39:59 »

Q/ What do you call a pigfucker
with three eyes?

A/ Daviiid Cameron
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Ginginho

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« Reply #700 on: Friday, October 2, 2015, 17:43:44 »

My friend Gav died yesterday from taking heartburn medicine.

Can't believe Gavisgon.
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Saxondale

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« Reply #701 on: Friday, October 2, 2015, 17:49:35 »

Ive just had some gavisgon.

Not funny but true.
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Mother Brown

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« Reply #702 on: Friday, October 2, 2015, 21:04:06 »

My Dogs got no nose. . . .
"How does it smell" . . .
Awful.
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jayohaitchenn
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« Reply #703 on: Friday, December 11, 2015, 17:02:40 »

How do you make a nun pregnant?












Get a choir boy to shit in her cunt.
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herthab
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« Reply #704 on: Friday, December 11, 2015, 17:28:21 »

How do you make a nun pregnant?












Get a choir boy to shit in her cunt.
Did you steal that off Michael McIntyre's new DVD?
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It's All Good..............
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