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Author Topic: Friday Joke Thread  (Read 217911 times)
jayohaitchenn
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« Reply #705 on: Friday, December 11, 2015, 17:28:56 »

Andi Peters
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Flashheart

« Reply #706 on: Friday, January 22, 2016, 11:35:56 »

How do you track Will Smith in the snow?



























Look for the fresh prints.
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Sippo
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I ain't gettin on no plane fool




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« Reply #707 on: Friday, January 29, 2016, 10:11:59 »

A lorry carrying snooker equipment crashed on the M6 earlier today.
 
Apparently, the cues went back for miles.
 
Police said the driver was under a rest.
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If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit...
4D
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I can't bear it 🙄




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« Reply #708 on: Friday, January 29, 2016, 10:46:11 »

Did he put the triangle out?
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Peter Venkman
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Back Off Man, I知 A Scientist.



« Reply #709 on: Monday, February 29, 2016, 11:57:13 »

There's a hot new band: 1023MB, but they haven't got a gig yet.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
skiptotheLouMacari

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« Reply #710 on: Tuesday, March 1, 2016, 12:24:48 »

A lion has outlived his use at the West Midlands safari park and is shipped out to a retirement facility.
An older lion approaches him and asks "did you come here to die"?
To which the first lion answers "No i got here yesterdie"


I'll get me coat.

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reeves4england

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We'll never die!




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« Reply #711 on: Tuesday, March 1, 2016, 14:52:34 »

Pretty sure that joke was in an episode of Dad's Army. The old ones are the best, eh?
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horlock07

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« Reply #712 on: Tuesday, March 1, 2016, 15:48:26 »

I've just eaten a very hot curried alphabet spaghetti, when I go to the toilet tomorrow it could spell disaster....
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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #713 on: Tuesday, March 1, 2016, 15:54:37 »

Somebody broke in and stole my dictionary.

I am lost for words.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
Tails

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Git facked




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« Reply #714 on: Tuesday, March 1, 2016, 17:12:08 »

This bloke says to me 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library'. I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books'
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dave_bambers_right_sock

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« Reply #715 on: Friday, March 4, 2016, 10:03:18 »

I Went to the butchers this morning and he said to me, "I bet you can't reach those two pieces of meat up there"

I said, "I'm not betting"

He said, "Why not?"

I said, "The steaks are too high"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Yesterday I was on the Tube and a bloke was teaching his dog to play the trumpet.

It was amazing. We went from Barking to Tooting in about an hour.

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I had trouble putting my son in the shopping trolley at the supermarket today he screamed, shouted and made a really big scene at Tescos, at 25 you'd think he'd know better!!
« Last Edit: Friday, March 4, 2016, 10:04:49 by dave_bambers_right_sock » Logged
Peter Venkman
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« Reply #716 on: Friday, March 4, 2016, 15:35:51 »

I actually invented the word "pseudonym". Don't bother looking it up because I did it under another name.
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suttonred

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« Reply #717 on: Saturday, March 5, 2016, 11:51:55 »

Has someone found a Les Dawson joke book and been sharing it round?
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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #718 on: Saturday, March 5, 2016, 12:08:19 »

Has someone found a Les Dawson joke book and been sharing it round?

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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #719 on: Wednesday, May 4, 2016, 13:23:32 »

As it's May the Fourth I'm taking Luke Kennard out for lunch to a Chinese restaurant.

He's an amiable chap but a bit of a bumbler.

He'll use the chopsticks but make a bit of a mess and I know that at some point I'll need to lean over and say:

"Use the forks, Luke."
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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