Bewster
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Posts: 4004
We fucking love you Gumbo!
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« Reply #675 on: Tuesday, October 7, 2014, 12:34:25 » |
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Had an insect fly into the kitchen last night and it immediately exploded.
Must have been a Jihaddy Long Legs.
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wiggy
Whippet fancying, T-shirt flogging cunt
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Posts: 2612
Whippet Fancier
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« Reply #676 on: Thursday, January 15, 2015, 22:09:11 » |
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The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the A34 in Cheshire recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck"
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Thank [insert deity of choice] for beer and peanuts
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Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
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Posts: 59266
Back Off Man, I’m A Scientist.
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« Reply #677 on: Friday, January 16, 2015, 08:57:08 » |
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The inventor of the autocorrect has died this morning...I didn't even know he was I'll.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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pauld
Aaron Aardvark
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Posts: 25436
Absolute Calamity!
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« Reply #678 on: Friday, January 16, 2015, 13:15:17 » |
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The inventor of the autocorrect has died this morning...I didn't even know he was I'll.
That made me laugh a lot more than it should have  |
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Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
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Posts: 59266
Back Off Man, I’m A Scientist.
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« Reply #679 on: Friday, January 16, 2015, 13:27:48 » |
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That made me laugh a lot more than it should have TBF I did too |
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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random_five
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Posts: 537
Downton, Wiltshire
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« Reply #680 on: Friday, January 16, 2015, 13:41:26 » |
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"A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe film"
"Gladiator?"
"No, I really miss her".
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Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
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Posts: 59266
Back Off Man, I’m A Scientist.
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« Reply #681 on: Friday, January 16, 2015, 17:35:44 » |
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Cindi Lauper totally ruined our Sunday roast chicken because she kept adding thyme after thyme.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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Flashheart
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« Reply #682 on: Friday, January 16, 2015, 17:55:41 » |
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How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?........................
Tentickles. WAHEY. I'll be here all week.
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Peter Venkman
We don't need no stinking badges.
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Posts: 59266
Back Off Man, I’m A Scientist.
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« Reply #683 on: Tuesday, January 20, 2015, 09:53:12 » |
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The Beach Boys are doing some benefit concerts to help Africa.
They want to help Rwanda. Help, help Rwanda.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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Saxondale
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Posts: 6390
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« Reply #684 on: Thursday, February 12, 2015, 17:16:35 » |
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I don't know who this Rorschach
guy is, but his paintings of
lesbians fingering goats are
truly amazing.
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Never knowingly overstated.
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Mother Brown
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Posts: 1372
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« Reply #685 on: Thursday, February 12, 2015, 19:57:04 » |
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A man walks into a Butchers shop and asks the butcher " Do you have a sheeps head"
"No ,its the way i part my hair" was the reply.
Boom tish.
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4D
Or not 4D that is the question
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Posts: 21866
I can't bear it 🙄
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« Reply #686 on: Thursday, February 12, 2015, 20:11:18 » |
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Processed Beats
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Posts: 2957
I drop beats from this processed meat.
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« Reply #687 on: Thursday, February 12, 2015, 20:32:41 » |
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Took my girlfriend out for dinner last night and got called a paedophile just because she's 19 and I'm 30.
Completely ruined our 10th anniversary.
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4D
Or not 4D that is the question
Offline
Posts: 21866
I can't bear it 🙄
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« Reply #688 on: Thursday, February 12, 2015, 21:25:37 » |
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I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.
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suttonred
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Posts: 12510
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« Reply #689 on: Thursday, February 12, 2015, 23:40:21 » |
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I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.
Yeah like that, don't think i'll do it on the missus though. Or the Joke.. |
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