Saxondale
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Posts: 6390
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« Reply #645 on: Friday, November 29, 2013, 12:57:14 » |
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Q: What is Nigella doing on her
new Xmas show?
A: Cold turkey.
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Never knowingly overstated.
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DMR
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« Reply #646 on: Monday, December 2, 2013, 19:44:00 » |
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Just opened the second door on my advent calendar. Didn't expect Tom Daley to come out.
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@mwooly63
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« Reply #647 on: Tuesday, December 3, 2013, 14:37:42 » |
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I was in Glasgow today and couldnt believe the amount of flowers, cards and other tributes placed by the Clutha vaults...
The jocks do take the loss of a pub seriously
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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #648 on: Tuesday, December 3, 2013, 14:47:16 » |
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Sean Connery has always said he would leave The Bahamas and return to his homeland of Scotland, if it ever gained independence.
He must be shitting himself.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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Bert Heads head
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Posts: 70
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« Reply #649 on: Friday, December 6, 2013, 18:17:03 » |
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A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on a motorway just outside London,
Nothing is moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the car window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all the members of parliament and they're asking for a £100 million ransom!
Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We are going from car to car collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, " the driver asks.
"Roughly a gallon."
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woolster
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« Reply #650 on: Friday, December 6, 2013, 20:07:30 » |
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Thousands are said to be gathering outside nelson mandelas house.........
Del boy and Rodney have told them to fuck of
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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #651 on: Saturday, December 7, 2013, 10:05:19 » |
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Whats the singular of werewolves?
I'm a wolf.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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Mother Brown
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Posts: 1372
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« Reply #652 on: Saturday, December 7, 2013, 14:53:20 » |
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Just spotted a group of dyslexic Africans laying a wreath outside a Nissan main dealers.
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walrus
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Posts: 4228
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« Reply #653 on: Monday, December 9, 2013, 12:36:48 » |
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You have to respect Nelson Mandela, dying at 95.
That's 5 miles per hour faster than Paul Walker....
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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #654 on: Monday, December 16, 2013, 14:25:16 » |
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All of the sat-navs have been stolen from West Yorkshire's police cars. Detectives are looking for Leeds.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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@mwooly63
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« Reply #655 on: Tuesday, December 31, 2013, 10:42:18 » |
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Doctors say that Michael Schumachers condition hasnt changed overnight.
He is still an arrogant German cunt.
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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #656 on: Tuesday, December 31, 2013, 11:18:38 » |
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Just as we think the Celebrity Death List is all but over for 2013, Michael Schumacher puts in a tremendous final qualifying lap to take pole position.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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leefer
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« Reply #657 on: Tuesday, December 31, 2013, 13:06:58 » |
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Had two people on the doorstep this morning trying to convert me to eating brown bread instead of white.
Turns out they were Hovis Witnesses.
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dave_bambers_right_sock
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Posts: 866
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« Reply #658 on: Friday, January 3, 2014, 17:55:01 » |
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The nerd in me was highly amused
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Peter Venkman
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« Reply #659 on: Tuesday, January 7, 2014, 15:13:10 » |
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I keep a book about The Velvet Underground in my toilet. I use it as my loo read.
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Only a fool does not know when to hold his tongue.
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