Letters in Viz

[hansgruber]

Here's a few classics:

On holiday a few years back, I took part in a quiz and managed to reach the final only to lose out after what I consider to this day, to be a correct answer. The question asked 'What 'C' would you associate Jeremy Clarkson with?' to which I confidently replied 'cunt'. Not only was I told the answer was incorrect, but I was asked by the holiday rep to leave the premises immediately. Has anyone else experienced such appalling treatment whilst holidaying with one's family?  
Noel, Leeds

I recently bought a fridge freezer from Currys, and after I had paid for it they asked me for my address to arrange delivery. I told them that I lived between Gateshead and Hexham, and if they rang me a week next Tuesday between 8am and 7pm, I night be able to give them a six hour slot when I would be able to take delivery. When they rang me, I told them that my house was out of stock and they should ring back on Saturday. The shoe's on the other foot now, isn't it, Currys?  
DF Kant

Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of Brian wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original?  
Wayne

You often hear that "blood is thicker than water". Well I've got both of them coming out of my arse at the moment, and to be perfectly honest I can't feel any difference.
Ron Lilycropp  

 

[OOH! SHAUN TAYLOR]

That's good

I've not read Viz in years and years but used to love it. I must give it another try.

[Dazzza]

Every toilet in Britain should have a copy of my profanisaurus.

Cardiff grandmother n.

A lady whose own children have left the nest and who is now, at the age of twenty-eight or so, out on the pull again.  

http://www.viz.co.uk/?domain=viz&page=%2Fprofanisaurus%2Fprofan_index.php%3Ffb%3D1

[spacey]

I had an entry accepted to the profanisaurus in the latest issue :advercool:

I never received my knackersack pencil though :x

[Dazzza]

you can't just say that and not tell us what it is Spacey!

[spacey]

Smelling mistake Emitting an unpleasant miasma and/or comical sound from one's fundament at a time when one would be best advised to grit one's teeth and hang on for dear life in an attempt to keep it in, eg. at a funeral, whilst exchanging one's wedding vows, when being chased through a spaceship by an alien, whilst announcing the death of an elderly and much-loved member of the royal family on a television news bulletin, whilst being subjected to an internal search at customs, whilst hiding in Carol Vordeman's wardrobe at Yorkshire TV etc, etc.

Not a brilliant one but I want my pencil!

[Dazzza]

Very good, my all time favourite has to be 'clacker valve' which I clocked some of the low brow Sunday tabloids had started using next to their semi naked women snaps.

Usually something along the lines of...

Here we have the shapely Suzanne Shaw from Hearsay modeling a skin tight bikini in Faliraki, my would we like to see her clacker valve.