Bristol Girls

A Bristol girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. How many
children?" asks the council worker.
"10" replies the Bristol girl
"10?!" says the council worker. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Bristol girl "its great because if they are out playing
in the gurt street I just haves to shout "WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S
READY!", or "WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW!, and they all do it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council
worker.
"Oh, that's easy," says the Bristol girl... "I just uses their surnames"

A Bristol girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on
the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress."she
says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"No" she replies.
"This time it's gurt mayonnaise."

A Bristol Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."
She says "I'll takes the gurt red one."
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher madam."

A Bristol girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and
bleeding.
The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Sharon."
Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"
Sharon: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Sharon: " 'artcliffe, mate."

A Bristol girl was driving down the M32 when her car phone rang. It was her
boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Alright ar Sharon? I just
heard on the gurt news that there's a car goings the wrong way on the gurt
M32. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car!" said the Bristol girl, "There's gurt hundreds of
them!"

Another Bristol girl was involved in a serious crash; There's blood
everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car
till she's lying flat out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Sharon: "Ok."
Medic: "How many fingers am I putting up?"
Sharon: "Oh my god I'm gurt paralysed from the waist down!"

A Bristol girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Bristol girl notices
something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing.
She says, "yer, scuse I mate, I aint being gurt funny or nuffink, but why
dooz one of your wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva gurt one's got an R on
it?"
So the Irish guy smiles,puts down his glass of Guinness and replies,
"Well,oim a little bit tick you see. The one wit the R on it is for me
roight foot and the one wit the L is for me Leftfoot"
"Blimey",exclaims the Bristol girl, "So THATS why my gurt knickers 'ave got
C&A on them."