Loud Pubs!

[Compo]

I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me. Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

 

[Reg Smeeton]

 The only downside to the smoking ban in pubs, is that you can now smell farts.

 Although it can be a handy weapon to create yourself a bit of space in a crowded bar.

[Ardiles]

Four ploys used by (rubbish) pubs/bars to get you, the punter, to drink more.

1. Salty bar snacks.  You eat them.  You become thirsty.  You drink more.
2. Remove seating.  You have to stand.  Studies show that you then drink more.
3. Remove horizontal surfaces.  You have nowhere to put your drink down, so you hold it.  You drink more.
4. Play loud music.  You can't hear yourself think, let alone hear the mates you have supposedly gone to the pub to socialise with.  In the absence of conversation, you fill the void by drinking more.

Any pub that can tick all four boxes is, by definition, shit and not really a pub at all...more of a drinking shed.

[Foggy]

Dropping the temperature of lager by 1c also makes you drink more as it fails to quench your thirst.

[The Artist Billy Paynter]

Being an Alcoholic also makes you drink more.