Thetownend.com

You know how you 'flick' a thermometer to force the mercury into the end bit. I can't do that, not for love nor money.

Be a responsible adult.

life

Roll my tongue

Juggle

that's genetic the though, it's not your fault that you're genetically inferior.

Give birth.

Oh I know as both my wife and daughter get great pleasure from telling me!

Tell them it's a myth then :)

https://udel.edu/~mcdonald/mythtongueroll.html

I can't draw. All people I draw look like this princess Di tribute (http://"http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-41243025")

No me being genetically inferior is not a myth.... however of more interest from that website....

http://udel.edu/~mcdonald/mythasparagusurine.html

I'm glad I started this thread as it has allowed me to discover that, despite my own shortcomings, I am genetically superior to Horlock.

Good stuff.

 Easily see things as red/brown or green. I watched a match on the box recently from either France or Germany, and was quite convinced one of the teams was playing in green... it slowly dawned on me that it must be red, you know the sort of thing chants of allez les rouges, as opposed to vertes. The weird thing is once the perception is set that is what I see, so it literally switched from green to red in my head.

Drink anything stronger than Carling anymore and not get totally arseholed.

Tie shoelaces properly

Morphene (and its derivatives) has no effect on me so I have literally no form of painkiller available.

Paraceamol is rubbish and I am not allowed to take Aspirin and Ibuprofen.

Also I can no longer drink enough to get pissed no matter how I try, I feel bloated and full before I actually get drunk.

Use a Pound key - actually, this is primarily down to using a USA keyboard where the thing doesn't exist.  The " and @ keys are switched as well, which is infuriating.

Seemingly, the past 10 months only, cook a decent Yorkshire Pudding anymore - they keep coming out flat, following the recipe to a tee, trying slight variations, changing oven temp, nothing, it's just gone.

Whistle. Or click my fingers. Never been able.

I can roll my tongue and juggle.

https://superuser.com/questions/293119/how-to-type-pound-sign£-using-us-keyboard-in-windows-linux-and-mac

You'll have to cut and paste that link as the pound sign has screwed it  :)

I've long thought I'm cursed by being good at most things, and great at nothing. Anything I'm not good at I immediately think is pointless and see no merit in trying to master it.

Advanced mathematics for example, what's the point in that? If in was smart enough to understand it's application then I might see the point. I'm not, so I don't.

Juggling too, but I can roll my tongue with the best of them.

Do you have prehensile toes?

Does such a thing as "semi-prehensile" exist. I can roll my tongue, can use my feet for grabbing stones or sticks, etc and throwing them out the way (I walk around barefoot a lot - handy in the garden). I can juggle too...I have a fair amount of body hair (once called Chewbacca for my considerable leg hair)...I like to "pick" at things...maybe I'm closer to our nearest relative that I thought. :hmmm: :hmmm:

I do have an unusually large gap between my big toe and second toe, big enough to pick up a tennis ball with.

fucking hell

I can't do that type of ear-piercing, fingers-in-the-mouth whistle footballer managers are fond off. In a similar vein, I can't do that kind of squirty but well-controlled spitting that chavs seem to have mastered. On the rare occasion I do spit, it's more likely to end up on my coat than the floor.

I also have almost no sense of smell so smelling 99% of things is something I can't do either

Same, yet all my family and most aunts and uncles can. I can whistle a good tune though.

 A useful vestige of our tree dwelling simian ancestry... although I'm not sure there'll be any trees left to return to after the zombie apocalypse

Wasn't this common with St. Kildians? (the prehensile toes, not the apocalypse)

Not sure.. I was brought up to believe it was people from Purton.

What, the prehensile feet or the apocalypse?  ;D

Fucking smug cunt

Magic eye. Never been able to do them and it rather annoys me.

Never had a problem with these, hold the picture about a foot or so in front of you, focus on the centre of the picture and cross your eyes then slowly uncross them and it comes into focus....thats how I do it anyway.

same here but i think that's down to my colour blindness

Me too. I have a tiny squint and never gained 'fusion' which means my eyes work independantly from each other. 3D TV doesn't work on me either.

I'm guessing France Reg  ;)

Point taken. The chant thing was more an example of how in order to perceive the red/green colour spectrum, I need other signals.

So for example I know Town play in red at the CG, if they turned up in green I'd see it as red.

I know a referee who is colour blind.
If the two teams are in red & green then he only has direction of travel to go by when trying to differentiate.

They might have different coloured shorts/socks, or sponsors logo or lack thereof. He'll have a strategy for working it out.

We play in red?

That sounds a lot like liver damage on both counts!

Nah I hardly ever drink any more, probably once or twice a year at most nowadays, and since the cancer problem I have been avoiding it anyway.

Diddly squat

I am convinced this an Emperor's New Clothes thing, and I'm not buying it, they are just patterns.

Its a sail boat

Seen one once. Some sharks playing cards. Only ever one, though.

A
http://www.magiceye.com/faq_example.htm

Saturn right? Freaky thing is there's a programme about Saturn playing on the radio...   :eek:

I guess the French claim Cassini as all their own work  :hmmm:

There's no way there's a Saturn in the picture.

I've never been able to bring myself to rewatch the opening Normandy beach landing scene of 'Saving Private Ryan'.  I've never had to fight like that, but I imagine that the way the landings were depicted was as close to reality as you're ever likely to get.  The full horror and confusion of battle and, in particular, the way young lives could be casually erased in a split second, hit me right in the gut.

Try walking around the cemeteries in Normandy. Even seeing the German ones interspersed with the allied ones is upsetting. Not ecause they are mixed in but because they to represent a tragic waste of young life. Not forgetting the ones from the first WW.

I broke up a few years ago wandering around the war graves in Bayeux.  The following day on the way back unintentionally we found ourselves going through the Somme.  Hugely melancholic seeing the signs of where the western front was at such a date and how long it had taken to move when the next sign came up.  Tragic waste of 2 generations.

When I went to the American war graves & the Commonwealth wars graves at Bayeux the two things that really set me off was all the graves that said "known only to god" & the other thing is the double grave at Bayeux where a plane crashed and they couldn't separate the bodies

I went to Tynecot & Ypres a couple of years ago.

When you leave the Tynecot visitor centre and walk to the cemetery a large wall obscures your view, then you see the first grave and then every step you take the number of graves you see increases exponentially - this in itself brought me to tears.

And what is worse is that there are only 12k graves in Tynecot, another 36k names on the wall of bodies not found. Then another 55k of names on the walls and the Menin Gate. So roughly 100,000 dead soldiers so there are another 800,000 on top of that that died. Staggering, and that is just the Allies, you have the Jerries on top of that.

And mankind still likes to kill each other.

https://www.vox.com/2015/6/23/8832311/war-casualties-600-years

I would love to visit Ypres but I know seeing my great uncles name on the Menin Gate will bring me to tears, his body was never found.

He died 4 days after arriving in the first battle of Ypres in November 1914.

If that's how much it means I would say that's all the more reason to do it JJ.

This (any part of it):

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/winter-olympics/41256544

Shit and piss at the same time.

Look like I'm not checking out the lovely ladies when out and about with the other half, even when I'm actually not.

Ice skate

Mate, as men, we can't look anywhere without the other half thinking we are checking someone out. I get it all the time, although most of the time i probably am checking someone out.

Holiday in Majorca was an absolute nightmare.

 I have a mate who would make no effort to disguise his ogling. His missus would just tell him to put his eyes back in  :D

I just tell my misses it's no different to her window shopping. She's looking at a dress she can't afford and I'm looking at a woman out my league.

When on holiday there was a number of ladies sunbathing topless. A conversation with my wife went something like this
Her: I wish my boobs were like that ladies over there
Me: Oh right, i hadn't seen them (i had, obviously)
Her: Yeah, they're nice and full, but not big, just a nice shape
Me: OK, whatever you say
*little bit later after a swim in the sea"
Me: You don't want her boobs, they're fake.
Her: So you been have a good look then have you... hfefioiewfnijyieqhoif etc etc etc

Except that if you were loaded you'd have women creaming over you - even if you had a face like a twisted couch.

See, women are just as shallow as men - but for different reasons.

Love it, best i'd known before that was "face like a bag of spanners" or "like a bulldog chewing a wasp." Cheers I'll add "...twisted couch." to the list!  :D

I prefer she has a face like a blind cobblers thumb.

Or a camel eating a lemon.

A face like a melted wellie?

A face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.

This is where an interest in ornithology comes in handy.... get excited about being able to turn the binoculars on an oystercatcher, dunlin, redshank etc. and offer them to wife to share your fun, knowing she won't, whilst you really watch the topless women.

You don't have a wife any more do you, Reg?

 :) Indeed not, it was the ornithology which did for her.

Fine with this, but can't roller skate or ride a skate board to save my life. Never have been able to. Stupid wheels. ;-)

I always had you down as a bird watcher but I thought you specialiazed in the Eastern European varieties ;)

Migration is a wonderful thing, take that fine symbol of Wiltshire the Giant Bustard, became extinct locally in the 1830's, but there are now about 40 birds doing OK on Salisbury Plain, having been reintroduced from Eastern Europe. They mate quite happily with the locals.

(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/81/County_Flag_of_Wiltshire.svg/255px-County_Flag_of_Wiltshire.svg.png)

Im am pretty competent ice skater to the extent of going around in a circle. I cant stop (other than going full speed into the safety barrier) and i can't go backwards

I often get an eyeful of tits and all sorts on a night out, the misses doesn't mind one bit. We make a game of judging the worst/best looking, along with guess the ladyboy.

Oggling like that's not really my cup of tea though to be honest. I'm mostly just there for the booze. Bare breasts and vaginas just happen to be there. It's the fit birds with clothes on that I find more alluring.

Is that down to venue choice FH?  :)

Isn't that, you know, a bit stalkerish?

I guess if you set out with it in mind then yes... but if your shoreline ornithological searches are interrupted by cleavage rather than plumage it's just good luck  :)

There are more conservative locations, which I'm more likely to visit to be honest. The red-light districts are just another option, and a pretty good option for a boozy night out. One doesn't have to partake in the more decadent offerings to have the craic, so to speak.

Same re stopping, but at least I don't go arse over tit every few seconds like on roller skates.

Sneeze just once.

Sneezes always come in at least two's for me, although those are still rare.  Normally if I sneeze once then I can guarantee at least seven in total, if not more.

Make transparent DDS files in GIMP, fucking awkward games and their stupid restrictive skinning methods!

...but Paint.net does, gawdblessit! Panic over :D

Get my karma to be positive  :(

There you go 4D

Physician, heal thyself.

 :)

I wear my utter cunts with pride.