Thetownend.com

Morning all. Surprised to see there isn't already a thread, but another year, another Ashes series. Seems that the ECB and Cricket Australia are intend on pulverising the Golden Goose into laying a few more eggs before she gives out completely, but I am, and I'm sure many of you also are, complete suckers for a bit of test cricket. Especially if we might beat the Aussies.

The good news for England is that Ryan Harris' knee has finally given out on him, a huge shame for an incredibly talented bowler but which leaves them with Mitchell Johnson, Mitchell Starc, Phil Mitchell, Eddard Starc and Mitchell Mitchell as their attack. Fast and nasty the lot of them, but none as crafty as Harris.

For England, it seems a fairly settled team although one with plenty of questions hanging over it: is Moeen good enough? Is Gary Ballance a number 3? Can we find the 2013 Ashes edition Ian Bell or is that player gone?

Anyway, series predictions would be good ahead of the start of play in Cardiff at 11am

Final score:
England most runs:
England most wickets:
Aus most runs:
Aus most wickets:
The Boyd Rankin/Simon Kerrigan award for the random player to make his debut in the fifth test:

I'll go for:

Final score: Aus 2 - England 3
England most runs: Ian Bell
England most wickets: Jimmy Anderson
Aus most runs: David Warner
Aus most wickets: Josh Hazlewood
The Boyd Rankin/Simon Kerrigan award for the random player to make his debut in the fifth test: James Hildreth (a man can dream...)

I'll go 3-1 Aussies. completely ignorant to cricket so can't do the rest

Proper bandwagon jumper for the cricket me. Fucking love it when we win but haven't kept up with it for a few years. If we're doing well I'll be watching every minute I can. My predictions wouldn't be worth shit though.

Free NOWTV code for today's cricket if you haven't got Sky NOWTVASHES

yeah 3-1 to the aussies, might squeak 2-2 if 4 or 5 of ours are really flying.

Final score: 2-2
England most runs: Root
England most wickets: Anderson
Aus most runs: Clarke
Aus most wickets: Starc
The Boyd Rankin/Simon Kerrigan award for the random player to make his debut in the fifth test: Zafar Ansari

It's come around again too quickly.  Hate to say it, but it does feel a little devalued as a result.  Although I'm sure I'll feel differently once it's underway.

In the time-honoured TEF tradition of taking threads off on tangents, does everyone contributing to this thread follow a county side and, if so, which one?  I've been loosely following Hampshire for a few years, but can't admit to being that in to it.  Proof, maybe, of the adage that you don't choose your team; your team chooses you.

Essex for me.

Used to be Somerset when I was kid – they had the great Richards, Garner, Botham team back then.
However, I have resided in the fair county of Essex for over 20 years now so I have been converted. I do enjoy a T20 game at Chelmsford and have been to 3 this season. I will be going to the last one in a couple of weeks v Kent so that could be interesting with the way it’s all shaping up.

Final score: 3-1 to the Aussies
England most runs: Root
England most wickets: Wood
Aus most runs: Smith
Aus most wickets: Lyon
The Boyd Rankin/Simon Kerrigan award for the random player to make his debut in the fifth test: Daryl Mitchell :-)

Got tickets for the 1 dayer Eng v Aus in September at Lords, how the test series goes will probably decide how good a game that is

Never really been a huge follower of county cricket, but as a boy I was a big Botham fan so followed Somerset initially, then switched to Worcester when he moved there when they had a really good county team. I suppose I still look for their scores over others, but havent seen them play for years. Been to Bristol a couple of times to see Glos, more because its easy to get to than anything else.

Out to Lyon, that is embarrassing.

Oh, and I follow Somerset. For years we could bat and not bowl, and now it's swapped round.

This is going well then...........

I just have this feeling that we will be so worried about the pace of the Mitchells, that we'll try to attack Lyon too much and lose silly wickets to him. Thats why Clarke got him on so early.

Come on Rooty....

Early days and a long way to go.  But less ebb, England..and more flow, please.

Another whitewash??

We've had worse starts. Pitch looks pretty dead, think wickets will fall with the new ball but the 50 overs with an old ball will be very batsman-friendly. If we lose more than a day to rain in this test it'll be tough to get a result.

Great inning from Rooty. Seems to be playing on a different pitch to everyone else at the moment. Hopefully the tail can wag a little and we can get up to 400 and then get into them with the ball. It'll be tough going on this pitch.

You going to any of the Tests this time Nemo?

Not this time around no, the scheduling is part of it but when the tickets went on sale I can’t say I was too excited by the idea of watching us get stuffed. Looks like our team is going in the right direction and I’m actually quite positive about the series now, but missed the boat. A few guys from my cricket team are down in Cardiff this week though (including our tame Aussie).

Great innings from Root and good contributions from Stokes and Balance: hopefully Moeen can guide us up towards 400 and then we’ll see how we bowl on this. Don’t see it being easy, but may suit Wood who’s a bit skiddier.

Ton up for Johnson - 0-100. Good lad.

Plenty of tickets available for the Saturday at Edgbaston in the Eric Hollis stand - £90

I fancy that!

Currently only a par score on that pitch. Gonna be a draw unless something spectacular happens.

Forecast for Sunday is bleak so... Yeah a draw is on the cards.

What do you mean, £90.00  :eek:

It ain't cheap that's for sure. I'm going tomorrow but have only paid £65 (I think!) which I actually thought was pretty reasonable.

All relative though I suppose.

£90??? £65??? For a game of effing cricket!!!

Frankly I'm confused  :no:

6 hours, though - so £15 per hour with beer

compared to 90 minutes at the CG @ £25 with fanzai

£90/390 minutes play = 23p a minute for an international contest in a premier venue.
£25/90 minutes play = 28p a minute for wanky 3rd tier kissball in a dump.

There's only one winner here and it's not your beloved football! 

(https://metrouk2.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/england-v-australia-1st-investec-ashes-test-day-two1.jpg?quality=80&strip=all&strip=all&w=768&h=518&crop=1)

Probably the standout moment of yesterday. Good lord that looked uncomfortable, off the field for 40 minutes!

That's a very simplistic analysis, though.  Does a £/min calculation really work?  Not sure.

For one, cricket is much more of a stop/start game, so you're not really getting 6½ hrs of entertainment anyway.  You're probably getting more like 2 hrs of entertainment spread over 6½ hrs of play.  The rest is made up mainly of fielders ambling up to a ball, picking it up, rubbing it against their crotch and passing it back, eventually, to the bowler.  Doesn't really compare to football where the 1½ hrs of play really is 1½ hrs of, usually high intensity, play.

Nice cost/benefit analysis !!  :D

Only an accountant...

You'll understand.   :D

I do indeed.

Aussies all out for 308

England lead by 122...

That is a great effort. Bowled really well as a unit, not just one magnificent performance as well, which is a really good sign.

cook gone cheap ::)

Cook gone.

Wood playing in T20 mode
Currently 32 off 16  :pint:

Cracking bowling from England this morning. Very patient and sticking to a plan.
Like the look of Woods bowlingbowling.
Looks like being all over today  :pint:

Great start to the series, I expect the Aussies to step up in 2nd Test. They've been "caught with their pants down" as the late Richie Benaud would've said.

Come on England!!

Exactly & and add the fact that the ashes comes around every couple of years, so we could compare that to our Wembley trips :zipped:  would someone like to calculate those pounds per minutes :hmmm:

This is brilliant stuff.

Hard to do that on the basis that we haven't turned up at Wembley yet, so you would get a divide by zero error

Dress it up however you like - £90 is a stupid amount of money for a game of cricket. Don't even bother comparing it to football because I know that's a rip off - you're preaching to the choir.

2 to go..

1 now. Joe Root you brilliant, cherubic little bastard.

Well done England  :clap:

And done. Comprehensive in the end, 169 runs inside four days. Brilliant stuff. I think we all felt we had something in the new team, but I didn't expect them to be this good this quickly. Bloody brilliant. Everyone contributed as well, it's so important that it wasn't just one individual performance - even though Root was great.

'Who do you think you're kidding Mr Hitler'

England 1 Dads Army 0

Glenn McGrath on TMS sounds sick as a pigeon.

Don't tell Bill Lawry.

The Sydney Morning Herald is worth a read, especially the reader comments.

LBW now apparently stand for Leg Before Watson, and DRS stands for Don't Review Shane !!

Watson has now been out lbw 40% of the time in Ashes tests.

In the last 7 Ashes tests in the UK, the score is... England 5 Aussies 0 !!

So, second test at Lord's starts tomorrow: The Aussies have lost Haddin to non specific personal issues (his daughter had cancer a few years ago, so hopefully it's unrelated to that) and most likely Watson to a mercy dropping. Nevill and Marsh will come in, decent players but that leaves a lot of inexperience in the middle order.

Moeen is apparently a bit injured, but Rashid is completely injured so it's Moeen or five seamers for England.

Reckon we can do it again?

Dunno, Aussies like Lords. I called the last one as a draw and was magnificently wrong. So I reckon Oz for this one.

You've got to expect the Aussies will come out today all guns blazing. In that respect, for England it wouldnt be a bad toss to lose as batting for the first session will be tricky against a fired up Aussie attack. I still expect Aus to come back into this and win at least 2 matches in the series, but having said that, if we get off to a good start here and put the pressure on, who knows what could happen

Aussies off to a flier but golden arm Ali gets Warner caught trying to slog him halfway to the Oval. 78/1

Well, that went well. People always say to judge a pitch after both sides have batted, but this is monstrously shit: if Australia wanted, they could score a thousand here and frankly any batsman who gets in and fails to make a ton is an idiot (hello Dave, yes, I do mean you).

If this was a deliberate plan to get a slow pitch to neuter the Aussie bowlers then not only are we cowards but we're also wrong, wrong wrong. Unless we're aiming for four draws to win 1-0, in which case this is a perfect pitch for it but I feel very sorry for anyone who bought tickets.

That said, I'm pleased for Chris Rogers, a very personable Aussie. Whatever next?

I thought the Aussies would go hell for leather. They notoriously bat well at Lords, but the wicket will deteriorate (can it get any worse). My initial thought was "Win the toss, bat first and lay down a respectable target of 350. But draw it out, knowing the Aussies would come at us. Play for a draw."

I'll still say play for a draw, but we need runs and well its apparent that we do have that in us. 

This could be going better...

Unless there's a monsoon on its way I can't see anything but a loss for us now. 29-3 after we spent nearly two days to get 8 wickets.  :badmood:

Good grief

The first 6 posts on the previous page were made less than a week ago.  A long time in politics - and cricket, it seems.

So why does 5 Extra tell me I can't listen due to rights restrictions when I got to hear half of the first test? It's not like they've sold to a French broadcaster. They explicitly said TMS was available in Europe and someone tweeted in just now listening in France. Bloody annoying.  :crash:

I think you can listen via the ECB YouTube channel? Otherwise, try Guerilla Cricket.

Drat.

Thx. Seems to be a BBC problem as their official text updates have just linked to a YouTube channel. Just in time to hear a wicket.  :(

All going well again, chasing a massive total or bat for five full sessions we are currently 64-5 after the first session!!  If they thought they were world beaters after Cardiff they have been brought down to earth with a large bump!!

Mitchell Johnson tearing England a new one. Great bowling here by the Aussies

you must be loving it?

Hadn't seen the score today...what a shower. It seems like this lot fail as a team and succeed as one.

Bairstow has another ton in the CC today by the way, suspect he may find himself replacing Ballance in the next test.

Abject surrender.

Lyth, Ballance and Bell are horrendously out of form.

Need ditching

I wonder if Jimmy still fancies a beer with the Aussies? :D

1-1, next game will be very interesting.

I'm going on the first day.    :(

1-1 indeed.  First day of next test will be crucial. 

A 405 run defeat does rather hand over the initiative

When was the last time we lost by that margin?

Well that was embarrassing.

It's not just the fact they got 405 runs more than us, it's also the fact that they only list 10 wickets to our 20......

I did wonder if this was our heaviest runs defeat....apparently it is 4th highest.  2 Bradman inspired defeats, pre- war and then the 1948 tour, which was just before my time, but the most recent was one I can remember...

It was to the wonderful 1976, Windies.  Long hot summer....series dominated by IVA Richards, Gordon Greenidge and Mickey Holding, with other contributions along the way.

Tony Greig, warmed up the series with his infamous "make them grovel" comment.  England's strategy was to pack the side with veterans with fighting spirit. First 2 tests were drawn, then onto Old Trafford.  England all out 71....I remember being genuinely fearful for the lives of some of our fellas. Pre helmet days and a sporting pitch....Windies attack of Holding, Roberts and Daniel. Wayne Daniel was particularly scary...a bull of a man whose naturally length was short up into the ribs or head, and no restrictions on bouncers.

I can never quite get why James Taylor isn't picked.....here's a guy who scored 98 no v Australia as recently as February, and could have got a ton but for umpire error.  I know he's not had a great summer in the championship, but his exclusion must fuck with his head a bit.

Agree ref getting Taylor in - I also think shortys are generally better equipped to play short bowling - much easier to get out of the way, and he has a bit of fight about him. I can understand the clamor for Bairstow but let's not forget he got bounced to pieces by Kemar Roach... and he's no Johnson/Starc...

Taylor's recent form has been dreadful...until yesterday when he got a double ton. Bairstow's form has been irresistible, gotta give him another go I think, yes there are question marks but there's nobody really around who's 2005 KP waiting to get a go.

A summer memorable for spawning the Brian Johnsonism:

"the bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey"

Watching the Women's ODI against the Aussies.

Is there a female equivalent of a cricketers box?

Presumably if Bairstow is brought in it will be to replace Ballance? But would you bat him 3 or move everyone up the order?

If Taylor is brought in too, who do you replace? Lyth, perhaps? That would mean moving Root to open. Bell, perhaps, but is Taylor any better?

If Lyth is dropped, I don't see any other openers knocking at the door. Compton perhaps? Does Hales have the technique?

The general feeling is Bairstow would come in at 5 with Root and Bell at 3 or 4 (not quite clear which way around). If it came to Taylor, he can certainly bat higher and has for the Lions but bats 5 for Notts generally.

Openers wise, Compton might be worth looking at as pure grit at the start and taking the edge off the new ball might be just what we need, but he seems to have fallen out with the hierarchy. Carberry was harshly dealt with as far as I'm concerned, but nobody is exactly beating the door down.

Women's ODI today is at the half way stage, looks quite even at this stage and a decent quality of cricket too. Plus, for DMR, Elyse Perry is stunning.

Aussie skipper is decent too but Perry has been on the radar for a while. 3 ball with her and Isa Guja would be something else.

Toss lost, and on recent games probably the Test  :(

Jimmy strikes early!!!!

Regrettably that does bring in Deveraux...

Finn removes Smith in the first over, welcome back son! Not 90mph plus any more but still a damn good player. 18/2 and the big one gone.

82 for 5  :eek:
 :pint:

94 for 7 now with 5 for Anderson

I assumed we were batting before your edit.

haha yeah its usually the England collapse

(http://img.pandawhale.com/80054-South-Park-orgasm-meme-Randy-M-HyfP.jpeg)

Steady on now. We've still got to bat yet.

I have a gnawing feeling that this is going to be the high point of this match.  Starc will be straining at the leash to run through our batsmen before the close.

3 behind, 3 down. I repeat my statement, great stuff that.

I was there today. What a privilege to see Jimmy put on a display like that.  Brilliant! 

Thought Cook was a tad unlucky to get out the way he did.  Can't think what Bell was thinking to get out the way he did, though.

The weather forecast is better tomorrow so should be an interesting day.

It's all over really, England have won, nothing can possibly go wrong...

Lyth's dismissal was awful as well, could cost him his place!

Yep.  I didn't think it worth mentioning Lyth's dismissal because he just got out the same way he has been getting out since he got in the team.  I think you are right that he has probably run out of lives. But then again, he was the top county performer, so who do we replace him with - Taylor, Hales, Compton, Roy?

Boycott

Called it

In fairness to Bairstow, that was an unbelievably well targeted bouncer from a brilliant bowler in the first over he'd faced. Absolutely anyone would get out that - if he starts getting bounced out when set by less excellent short balls then there's a problem, but sometimes, you just need to applaud the bowler.

At the moment Root appears to be playing a different sport to the rest of our players.

Oh dear, the great ginger hope is gone and Stokes as well - not going so well this morning!

Disappointing morning.  Anything less than a 100 run first innings lead - which now looks unlikely - and Australia are going to feel they're right back in it.  The onus will be on England later today to run through their top order again quickly.

The last hope Root has gone... Slippery slope from here me thinks, either that or a long drawn out session when we make another 50 tops

We're 54 ahead already, Buttler and Moeen are proper batsmen and nobody apart from Johnson looks threatening. We'd have snapped hands off for this position yesterday first thing. Let's not get too worked up.

We'll get 250ish

Although Lyon being 3-3 is a fucking travesty.

Oh ffs, he didn't review and it was missing. Two reviews in the bank, last recognised batsman.

This.

145 lead in the end after a nice Moeen cameo: would definitely have taken that, but not impregnable. Game is set up nicely from here

Not normally one to blow my own trumpet, especially after the last test "not a bad toss to lose" comment, but....

My predictions have been woefully off the mark as well.

Has a test match ever been wrapped up inside 2 days before?

I'm not going to get chance to watch a single ball of this test match. There goes my weekend plan.

England almost Swindonesque in their inconsistency.  How do you go from being wiped out by a 400+ run margin at Lords to taking them apart inside 2 days at Edgbaston?  Extraordinary stuff.

Yes. I can remember one at Headingley against the Windies, when Caddick took 4 in an over as we bowled them out for 61, after having a lead of 100 on first innings.

Last Ashes test to finish in 2 days was in 1921 according to TMS - of course, tests were only three days with a rest day back then.

http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/62526.html

Well played, Sir!  And I'll bet your tongue was nowhere near your cheek.   :)

2 to win. Think I feel fairly confident now.

Of course not ;)

Test #4 today, at Trent Bridge and we're 2-1 up.

Anderson injured, so Wood comes back in, whilst the Aussies have pulled a bit of a surprise by bringing in Shaun Marsh for Mitchell Marsh - meaning that Voges retains his place and they go with only three quicks.

Pitch looks green, clouds around too. A bowling day.

We've won the toss and field...Cook agrees with your asessment.

That is a surprise! Thought Mitchell Marsh had done OK with both bat and ball (certainly compared to the guy he was replacing anyway!). Can't help thinking he's a bit of victim of Clarke's (and a few others) lack of runs. Think we have him on the run now - he's dropping to 5 by the looks of things?! Can't remember an Aussie ever doing that!

We'll miss Jimmy, especially as we've just one the toss in those conditions.

I'm heading up to this one tonight in preparation of a day at the cricket tomorrow. Missed out by having day 4 (and 5) tickets at Edgbaston, at least I should get to see some play this time.

4-1

Good start - Aussies 4 for 1. Rogers gone for a duck

10 for 2 - Broad takes 2 in his first over..  Smith goes for 6.

10/2 off the first over. This game is bonkers.

10 for 3 - Wood takes his first - Warner goes for a duck.

Only 8 deliveries so far - Bonkers

15-4

15-4, Broad gets another - Marsh goes for a duck

W - T - F

This is even more relevant than before.

 :banana:

21-5, Broad again, great catch by Stokes.  Voges went for 1.

Blimey O'Reilly

A half decent catch that by Stokes.   :)

WOW. Just WOW!

Are you nervous about the prospect of play on Day 2 yet?

Clarke reached double figures.

PATHETIC.

 :)

Broad 5-fer already.  Just ridiculous.

 29-6, Broad get's his 5th.  Clarke goes

Broad 3.1-2-6-5

Bowled son.

If only Jimmy had been playing....

Finn gets his 1st. 33-7

Quite simply phenomenal Cricket. Even Richie will have that wry smirk up in that wicket in the sky

It's brilliant.
Good to see Clarke hiding himself away at 5 backfiring too.

Jim Maxwell's just come on to TMS with "If you're just tuning in in Australia, don't. Go and do some gardening or something"

:)

1 to go..

Turns out we're not missing Jimmy too much

I feel almost weepy.

Don't get excited, people.  This is clearly a dream.

Are you allowed to declare without batting and put them back in again?

shame Stuart Broad is such an odious cunt

Glass houses, stones etc

Yeah. What a monster.

 ::)

He is?

All out for 60, O. Cunt 9.3-5-15-8

How?

Anyway, who cares?  He's quite good at cricket.  That'll do me.

Not bad for a 27 year old medium pacer as I think the Aussie press called him.

Extras top scored with 14 :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

What a time to have popped over to Sydney!

https://youtu.be/1irMMs-cBGA

WTF. just come out of a 2 hour meeting to see the score. My first thought was will paolo69 get to use his ticket tomorrow...

England put on their best performance in a single session for years and that's all you say? Based on what?

Baffling.

I'm still hopeful.....

Hopefully we bat to a ridiculous score until close of play tomorrow and really humiliate them on day three.

Strange..

I think he's alluding to the fact there have been quite a few rumblings from within the dressing room, that he's not well liked and a bit arrogant. Whether that's true or not I have no idea.

He's German...

I would imagine the oz public will be pushing for german nationality for their players..

Well that went well. 274/4 would have been a decent enough day without the Aus 60 all out attatced to it.

Saw a funny comment saying we 274 decent but we wouldnt know how good until the aussies batted, then oh really...

This is a pretty good thing isn't it? Equivalent to hammering the Germans 5-0 in football or something?

I don't like cricket but I do know some Aussies and will take any opportunity to take the michael.

5-0 at Half-Time just before Half-Time, if anything.

That'll do.

https://mobile.twitter.com/Cricketracker/status/629276581857353734/photo/1

That would be even funnier if it said "this morning"

Do explain?

Watching the Aussies lay into their own team is properly cathartic for a child of the 90s.

http://www.theshovel.com.au/2015/08/07/catastrophic-spelling-error-sees-australian-croquet-team-take-to-field-in-4th-test/

Good day to have the afternoon off

Australia 113/0 to 136/4. They just can't (or won't) leave the ball, every single batsman has been out caught going hard on the drive.

Great, isn't it.

Three to go tomorrow to win the Ashes then. Would have taken that at the start of the series.

All done and dusted.

And Michael Clarke announces his retirement.

Lovely.

Shane Wane interviewing Michael Clarke whilst both look gutted. Well, Clarke looks gutted, there's not enough organic material left in Warne's face for expressions.

Final test, a dead rubber of sorts but would be nice to make it 4-1. Final test for Clarke and Rogers.

Clarke loses his final toss and England are going to bowl. Time to see how much the Aussies just want to go home...

Hopefully not many share that opinion, the rather half hearted, would be nice I mean. As another way to look at it is 'opportunity to make history as the first English team to win 4 matches in an Ashes series on home soil'. Done it in Australia but never here.

 All done and dusted, a very strange series. Apparently only 18 days cricket in 5 tests. I'm just glad we won't have to see the Convicts here for another 4 years

Bragging rights for four two years. Lovely regardless of circumstances.

Erm, not necessarily.  Don't we play them over there in 2017?

It's not exactly been a classic series...

Whoops. Two years is still fine by me.

Nope. Bloody eventful though. Probably the most bizarre series ever. We were better in three out of five. That'll do for me.

I fully expect the Aussies to not realise what they had till it's gone; Clarke is (was) a superb cricketer and leader.

If space cadet Smith is still in charge in 2yrs we'll have no problem retaining the urn.