Thetownend.com

I know this may sound obvious and trivial to some, but since the "kids" are off school I would like to offer the following advice.
Many of you have intentions of going away for a while, whether abroad or domestically. Some of you will use a taxi or airport transfer service to help you on your way. Those modes of transport are now almost fully computerised with regard to the information you have provided. And so the danger. To put it bluntly, some individuals will offer information to an "unknown" 3rd party for up to £50 a shot, meaning that they can divulge information suggesting that your house may be vacant and therefore open to burglary.

I propose thus:

1) Should you pre-order a taxi etc, do so from an address which is different to your own i.e. from the house of a friend or relative, anything other than your home address.

2) Do not use your own mobile phone number. That will also be logged on a database and can also be tracked to a specific address. Use a landline or a friend's mobile number.

So often these days I've seen a good holiday wrecked by a family returning to an empty house.

3) wrap your head in tinfoil, its the only way to be sure.

4) Book a taxi to the "airport" but actually get someone to bring you back home so you can catch the burglar in the act!

So your mate's house gets burgled instead? Nice.

5) Never, under any circumstances,  leave your property unguarded. 24 hour surveillance cameras, security patrols hourly,  trip wires and booby traps should ensure your holiday is carefree.

Yeah, and possibly while they're home, but fuck it, at least it's not your house.

Don't publicise your holiday on social media. Easy target for a robbery.

Don't go on holiday

Don't use travel agents or airlines either as they will have details of when you are away as well as you home address.  

Don't leave your house under any circumstances.

If you're a 'holiday goer', just buy a mobile home...then you can take it with you.

Problem solved.

Except everyone local knows you are away, because the mobile home isn't on the drive..

But if you permanently live in it, they can't rob it if you have it with you.. ;D

Buy a caravan and stick it on the drive.

Don't go anywhere,  just spend a week on your drive, put up the swingball on your front lawn, walk to your local pub for a few beers. Job done.

And pop inside for a crap. I can see lots of benefits with that idea.

..but don't tell anyone that you've popped to the pub..

And put the caravan on bricks so it cannot be towed away

When I read the heading thought it would be about leaving your car with some of those Gatwick Mafia Meet and Greet companies.
My car has come back damaged twice this year when left.

Re getting your place robbed, more likely to be word of mouth that you are going on holiday from colleagues, heard down the pub, family relations than information given out.

 

Or put on Facebook along with pictures

Get Macauley Caulkin to house-sit

Burn your house down before you leave.

(http://i.imgur.com/0ntc3zH.gif)

I always fake my own signature on bank cards and cheques. Always have done.

Sometimes I give a fake name when ordering in Starbucks.

Bogus Bogus Dave.

Seems pointless, not like what you tell them corresponds with the name written on the drink at all.

I had to go out on Fleet Street at lunchtime and walked past a shop with some English and foreign papers outside in a stand which brought me back to when I was younger and we were on Holiday pre-smart/mobile phones.

I can remember waking up early on the Monday after a Swindon game and running to the nearest shop which supplied English papers to flick through and find out the weekend's result.

 Nowadays when abroad, I merely find a pub with wifi and follow on this or Twitter.

One of life's pleasures for me, when going on holiday is to ignore football etc, more difficult to do these days, but somehow  the point of a holiday is to get away from it all.

For some years it seemed all I had to do was go away and I'd come back to find we had a new manager.  Another favourite was going away mid March in 76, when we looked for all money, down, following a home defeat to Mansfield, and coming back in late April to discover we had in fact stayed up after winning 4 out of 5 or something.

This was my life throughout my early years in France. If I hadn't been sitting next to the World Service at 6pm on Saturday, I'd have to go down the station on Monday morning for a shifty flick through the back pages of whichever English Sunday paper was in. It was very frustrating, but the sense of anticipation as I opened the page was overwhelming.

I can remember the nervous anticipation of A. Not being caught flicking through the paper (I rarely would buy one) and B. finding out how we had done.