Thetownend.com

The Opponent: Rotherham United

The People's Republic of Rotherham - locally 'Rovrum' - is a landlocked satellite state of the former USSR, produced through an amorous collision between pig excrement and the Soviet Galactic Battle Fleet. These illicit origins have led to Vladimir VII's denial of Rotherham’s existence and his cynical stratagem to remove it from all maps and government funding initiatives. Holy Emperor Chairman Blair, thought to be complicit in these machinations, most recently said, under state interrogation, “Rotherham? Where’s that? Well, I’ve certainly never heard of it before. Are you sure it exists?  Like, no shitting around, mo’fo?”  Rotherham was formerly a member-state of the Socialist Workers' Republic of Yorkshire but declared unilateral independence in 1997 following the beginning of Moore's Cultural Revolution.
Described by Oscar Wilde as “the most attractive arrangement of human refuse since last night’s chicken Vindaloo”, Rotherham consists primarily of crack dens and farming collectives watched over by the vengeful ghost of Arthur Scargill, who is wont to savagely suppress all murmurs of dissent, such as in the Tiananmen Square 12-in-a-Cage Super Smackdown Event of July 2005, also known as Geldof Aid. Owing to its semi-subterranean position, Rotherham receives as much as four hours of sunlight per day, during which the prisoners risk being picked off by working-class Dinosaurs  skimming Dane Bowers CDs. The general impression has been likened to The Sound of Music, and even more so to the scenes involving Jean Claude Van-Damme in the Party-approved 1987 sequel, The Sound of Music II: Retributive Measures (a landmark in socialist realism). By night, individual Rotherhamites (or Chuffs) search for displaced Party members and legitimate father figures, before returning to bathe in Vodka Kick.

Rotherham is most famous for 'producing' the Chuckle Brothers (who were literally produced during a botched attempt to clone Cannon and Ball in Rotherham Central Library), as well as being the birthplace of David Seamen, a moustached porn actor who moonlighted as an international goalkeeper. Allegedly, the blunder that knocked England out of the 2002 World Cup was a result of Seamen's fatigue - he had stayed up until 3 a.m. the previous evening filming 'Seamen, Semen and Seamen' in a mocked-up North Sea setting somewhere in the Sea of Japan.

Where the Opposition Gather –

http://boards.footymad.net/forum.php?tno=450&fid=215&sty=2&act=1&mid=2111221829


Last 6 – WLDLWD (5th place on 83 points)

They have served us both – Tommy Birtles, Jack Burkinshaw, Jimmy Coupar, Toumani Diagouraga, Steve Forde, Callum Kennedy, Fred Laycock, Andy Monkhouse, Michael Proctor, Alex Rhodes, Luke Rooney, Kevin Watson, Wilfred Bratley, Deon Burton, Paul Crichton, Ted Dransfield, Bernard Harris, Ken Keyworth, David Layne, Andy Nicholas, Arthur Radford, Liam Ridehalgh, Charlie Thompson, Danny Williams, Alfred Brown, Graham Coughlan, Mark Dempsey, Paul Evans, George Hicks, Sammy Lamb, Tom McAllister, Chris Ogden, Alex Revell, Les Roberts, Tony Thorpe, Les Williams

The Odds –   Swindon 6/4    Draw 5/2    Rotherham 13/8 Nathan Byrne to score first with Bet365 is 16/1. He scored a cracking double for me against Tranmere earlier today, its a sign.

The Son Says – In 45 previous predictions he has managed to get 5 right, I have managed 3. Apparently we will end the season on a high winning 2-1.

The Prediction – Although it will be hard to top the Simon Ferry celebrations from a couple of years back, the players deserve a round of applause today. I’m glad that bellend Ranger has gone as he has proven beyond doubt that despite being a talent, he is not the sort of man that people want their kids to idolise. We will win 3-0, Michael Smith x 2 and Luongo with a piledriver in front of 7’999 with 399 from Oop North.

And Finally – Well, it has been a long season and possibly a better one than many of us hoped for. Thanks one and all for reading and if my waffle can be tolerated and nobody else wishes to take the honour of starting the official matchday thread then I will be back.  This will, as ever, remain in the hands of the members of The TEF. Hope you all enjoy the summer, and don't forget. Steve Evans is a fat perverted cunt, allegedly.

COYR COYR COYR COYR

1-1

Draw...happy enough with league position whatever...

On the pitch
On the pitch
On the pitch

2-2, with a dubious Town penalty to send Evans up the wall even more.

Didn't think I'd be looking forward to this as much as I am.

Shall I go
Shall I go
Shall I go?

Thread commenced one second too soon, it's therefore not a matchday thread

Need a new thread starter for next season. Rosso has run out of things to say.

In the same way you have run out of personal grooming products?

I think we'll win 3-0. We always do against Jabba the Hut.

Sorry John, but  :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

I'm not sure which substances played their part in starting today's (or yesterday's) thread, but I want some. Rosso has surpassed himself. It certainly brought a smile to my face on Sound of Music deprived morning.

A bit of a meaningless game today, a loss and a Sheff U win then we go down one place to 8th which IMO is still a good finish.

I think Evans will break his hoodoo today and we will lose 2-0.

But I would love it if we thrashed them again like we did at their place earlier in the season.

I can't go today I can't even listen to it so won't even know the result till well after the game.

In the other games I hope that Notts County and Tranmere go down to Div 4 and that Brum get relegated to our division for next season.

I'm going, the sun is shining and the season is ending, hopefully on a high.

3-2 win, late winner.

I like the sound of that, but its the opposite here...I am not going, its cloudy and cold, etc ...... :)

We're going, been over ruled by the boss. Not been since away @ Carlisle. Looking forward to next season with a mixture of excitement, fear, trepidation etc etc.

Remember Jed you spanner it's our club, not yours. Draw today.

I'll be surprised if we win, but whatever the result the match would be worthwhile going to were I not working, for the sheer and simple joy of calling an obese flasher a fat perverted cunt.

I hope Cooper goes to shake his hand and then thumbs the nose post-match. That would be great.

It is cold for May isn't it?

1-3 I think today.. :(]

Although, I'm at work 0630-1830 today  ???

My names Terry and im going to go first!!

1-2

In other news, Pritchard on the bench for Spurs today!

Hope he gets on, deserves it after the season he's had with us.

Saw the Rotherham team at the De Vere an hour or so ago. Unfortunately I didn't get to see Evans and pass on my regards.

Foderingham; Barthram, Stephens, Branco, McEveley, Byrne; Thompson L, Gladwin, Luongo; Waldon, M Smith

subs: Belford, Da Costa, Jones, Barker, Reis, Randall, Storey

Luongo capt today.

Waldon starting ahead of Storey is going to have large sections of the crowds apoplectic with rage.

Player not available?

It is a wierd one but Cooper obviously sees something in Waldon.

I wouldn't be shocked if Storey leaves in the summer. Certainly if Cooper stays as manager (which is 99.9% likely)

Fine for me mate.

Not that I can listen beyond 3.15 anyway as I have to go out :(

I thought Sherwood was taking over?

Much as I would like this.....apparently he has been approached by West Brom to take over from Mel.

Or they might think as it's a pointless game we might as well give Waldon a chance?

No, they'll definitely be foaming at the mouth and moaning about "Chuckles"

Was talking to my mate about the weather, back when we were kids it was (or seemed) that FA Cup final day was almost always 20+ degrees temps and sunny and almost always took place the first week of May, even though its sunny now here its not warm, only about 13 degrees.

wont even let me on the page

Might be McEveley's last game today according to Power. Can't afford him and had offers from up north as people predicted...

Navarro has been paid off and has retired, he's waiting for his insurance payout.

Also pay as you play off for Troy on the table.

Shame, I'd like to keep Jay, he's been quality this season.

He has stated he wants to move back up north as his family haven't settled down here so I don't think thats an option.

yay

 :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick: :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick: :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick: :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick: :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

Must win game this.

 :hmmm:

Highlight of the game so far is two old men on the rotund side having some sort of scuffle at the front of the Arkells and subsequently being ejected.  All very odd.

Highlight so far from Town was two blokes at the front if the Arkell's stand having a set to & being marched out if the ground by the stewards/coppers

Was probably Jed.

I'm hearing one gentlemen's trousers fell down and bared all?? Not sure if my mate is on the wind up...

Says on the official site Wovwum are 1-0 up.

I would be listening to player but I can't even load the page.

"sounds like they're on their holidays already"

They are 1 up

Oh dear. Glad I decided to miss this one.

Make that 2

Fucking hell. Branco too slow across to challenge crosser.

likewise. booking a holiday today so thought I'd save myself £25. Glad I did.

oh good, it has begun

Steve Warren ‏@SteveWarren1968  4m
Us loyal Season Ticket holders need to get used to this. Without Wes, Pritch and Ranger we were and are relegation fodder  #stfc

Jim.. ‏@Swindon_Town_66  3m
@SteveWarren1968 I fully expect Wes to be sold

Chris Dalton ‏@ChrisDGuitarist  2m
@Swindon_Town_66 @SteveWarren1968 they get an offer for anyone they'll take it

OfficialPaddyStavros ‏@PaddyStavros  1m
@ChrisDGuitarist @Swindon_Town_66 @SteveWarren1968 So glad I don't invest im a season ticket

One of the wasn't Evans was it?  :D

It'll be no different to this season. With our limited budget we'll be rightly tipped to struggle, but may be able to find some gems on loan to surprise a few people.

Noticed that myself. They've started early this year.

Oxford losing again  :)

Haha, Fucking hell!

It's a bit like watching Swindon play in the cup against a team 2 leagues above us.

Loads of mistakes today.

Just missed a sitter though!

the clear out has already begun apparently.

Brizzles Robots are down at the moment!!

Steve Warren ‏@SteveWarren1968  18s
To be fair to Cooper and Power they are doing a great job of lowering expectations for next season today #stfc

Pity we can't have a fans clear out as well!

..and in the relegation places! [edit, sorry read that as one down]

The Pox a man down too.

An end of season dead rubber and you get twats like that

I'm convinced these people take huge satisfaction out of seeing us lose and struggle. I bet they loved the Wilson/Hart season.

It's the kind of masturbatory responses they get from each other that drives me mad. Fuck off.

Beat you by 7 seconds  :)

Flash and jutty?

To be fair, today we are shit.

But we are playing a team that are 20pts better than us, heading to the play-offs & the players are playing for places in the team for those games.

Our lot look like they have their holidays booked and are thinking about that first beer.

Brum saved by caddis 93rd minute goal

:D

Beat you by 2 hours  ;)

Nail .....head

 :D. Haven't read back.

I used to sit near a couple of blokes who seemed to support whoever we were playing.

They used to praise the other team's passing/goals/style/players and say how unlucky the opposition was when we did anything of note. They even used to moan about the manner of our victories. They were totally devoid of happiness or positivity unless it was about the opposition.

Good to hear they changed the win a merc competition.

Fucking shysters

Yawn.

Well, what a joke the kick to win competition final turned out to be.  All season they've been saying that the winner would win a Mercedes A Class.  On the basis only one bloke scored in the semi finals he surely should have been the winner?  Instead the rules completely changed and he was made to try and hit the crossbar from the centre circle, which he didn't have a hope of doing with about 50 other people on the pitch at the time.  Felt a bit sorry for him.

Explain.

EXPLAAAAAIN!!!

(http://media.tumblr.com/7dcab350dfd9b18035a15086d323b2a2/tumblr_inline_mwbyv9CC6r1raj8mk.gif)

See my post above. 

Oh.

Never mind.

What a bunch of twarts.

It may be the participants were given the full competition details even if we weren't.

Otherwise it's what my nan would have called a swiz. I call shinanigans.

And smith must score. But didn't

but then did

It's all got very exciting now!

Soft one but they all count!

Yay!!....We're gonna win da leeg!

Just turned radio on and we had scored, reading the comments I assume we haven't been great before the goal.

Should have had another pen. Blatant handball.

Loving the gas heads hanging by a thread . . .

Jay smacks bar! Unreal hit!

I'd love him to score!

Oh gosh. Sounds quite exciting, wish I'd gone now.

16 yo Randall on ahead of Storey. Cooper really doesn't rate Storey, does he?

Or perhaps Cooper wants to give a youngster his debut? I'm not saying Storey is ALWAYS on the pitch, but he's had more game time than some.

Steve White seems to like Randall, just complemented his legs...

Would be nice to try and get the point to win 7th place back. Considering our limited striking options in recent games, he's even played Gladwin up front ahead of Storey. I'm not saying he's right or wrong but it's clear Cooper doesn't rate him.

Tranmere going down. Will the last person to leave please turn off the floodlights.

Hamilton are winning 10-2, bet their enjoying that.

Brizzle

Pissing my pants

 :wotjump:

Brilliant  :clap:

Best news of the day!

Hahahahahaha gas

Almost as good as when the pox went there, I bet all their meat heads are rampaging around down there now.

 :pint:

Lovely. The only annoying thing is that city will be enjoying it more than we are.

Darrell Clarke the Gas manager was righter than he realised before the match:

"We've still got plenty of work to do - I can't stress it enough.

"I can't have those boys in the changing room thinking we're home and safe - we're not."

Steve Warren ‏@SteveWarren1968  3m
Tranmere and Brissle Rvrs down, great day. However, feel that #stfc will be in the same place in 12 mnths under this current regime #stfc

Goodnight Irene  :bye:

 :suicide: :crash:

Much better second half. Man of the match was given to Luongo and this was probably right, he was very good today.

3 golden headed chances were put straight into the keeper's arms before we were given a soft penalty to get back into the game. Cool by smith. Then we should have had another when a Rotherham player handled. They might have had a good shout for a pen as Wes and someone got in a pickle at the back. Jmac also hit the bar after an odd corner from Barthram (his corner delivery better than Pritchard).

Jmac 100% gone as he was taken off last
Minute for a well earned applause and he was waving to the town end at the end also.

When are the fixtures out for next season?

Shit first half, good second half. End of review.

The classic game of two halves, we were outclassed in the first half, defended much higher up the pitch second half and could easily have taken a point.  Smith missed two golden opportunities when he headed straight at keeper!  Best bit ab out today was the two older gentlemen being"escorted" out of the Arkells!!  Anybody know what that was about?  Why was Storey not given a chance, said it all when they brought Randall and Barker on for me - although to be fair Randall looked ok.

Rotherham absolutely fucked all over us first half. Their movement was superb and the ball for the 2nd was as good as I've seen this season. Their 1st goal was stupidly conceded courtesy mainly of Luongo who subsequently went on to a deserved MOM. The defence in the first half was a total shambles and it would be difficult to pick out who was the shittest out of Stephens, Branco or Bartram - probably Branco.
The second half was a totally different. we went at them and a draw would have been a fairer result. a really soft penalty to concede and Smith stuck it away well.
The ref missed 4 blatant penalties - 2 for us, 2 for them. The handball in the 2nd was a shocking decision not to give. saying that we took out their players twice quite blatantly in the box and neither given.
JaYMac probably hit the hardest shot seen this season and the crossbar must still be rattling.
This season has far exceeded my expectations and has been a real shit sandwich. Good at the start, shit in the middle and good to end with.

 

Good summation Chalkies.

Thought Stephens was pants today, lots of errors. Gladwin did as well but also did some nice stuff. One cross with the outside of his right foot was sublime, there is potentially a very good player there I reckon.

I left at half time and by all accounts missed a good 2nd half.

I know he missed chances and his touch isn't always great but Michael Smith puts in a hell of a shift everytime he plays.

Haven't scrolled back...

I wasn't bothered today but the start was shocking.

They pissed all over us......then....we started after 2 zip and inthe end deserved a draw.

Their second was class after another cheap ball given away in pocession.

Our penalty was cheap with Umbongo buckling under the weight of a half challenge.

Jays thumper!? Pity that never flew in as he's obviously off...thanks son.

Evans is a fat cunt.......

Boo Smith all you want that Barker is totally shit....offers nothing and we paid money....and...another year to run.

His 'mazey run' into the box made me laugh...it was like he was in a drinking game where you put your head on a stick and run round and round.....fucking hopeless...now I have cooper to dislike and now I have Barker as well....so I'm happy....pitch and bench covered.

Need a striker...with experience please and someone in midfield who can put a decent tackle in....Umbongo challenges are embarrassing.

Was there a fight in the Arkells??

On to next season...

The Pirate ship sunk...

Would have accepted this at the start of the season but is a bit frustrating looking back at the points dropped. Ultimately we weren't quite good enough on the pitch so no real complaints. Todays match was a non event really so not a lot can be drawn from it in my opinion.

Not really relevant sorry...

but jus came back to me THAT night at Rovrum when we clinched THAT promotion
at Danny's old club with a 1-1 draw.

and just to link it to today, our goal was scored by Chris Jones, another unfairly maligned
number 9  ;-)

Barker is a bit of a mystery he doesn't seem to have any single attribute to be a professional footballer. He's got no pace, height, creativity or real skill and doesn't score goals..... I just don't even see a 'raw' player in him he just doesn't seem to have anything about him!

Two old guys Flash, don't know what it was over, but one of them lost his trousers as he was being ejected!!

I thought the lad Randall did more than Barker!!  Is Storey off, why did he not come on?

As has Smith who we've realeased....  I don't get how he's wrangled himself an 18 month contract!?

Ha ha....sumo suits!!

Does anyone know what this was about? It all looked most amusing from the DRS. Although apparently less so from the Arkells, some friends of ours were in there and said one of the bloke's trousers came down as he was being marched out and as his arms were in an armlock he couldn't do anything about it, so they just slid and slid revealing more and more butt!

I read somewhere or other it started over a complaint about bad language and escalated from there.

Really? What a fucking pair of fucking cunts!

Dear old Joner....good squad man, in the days when squads were quite small.

Some things never change in football and clueless fans is one of them.  I think Michael Smith will turn out to be top player for us, and fans will wonder why he moves on at the earliest opportunity.

Ryan Harley, Andy Williams and Grant Hall enjoyed the fracas in the Arkells immensely.

It was pretty funny, in a stupid way.

Elsewhere, on the train going back to Bristol a Swindon fan in an EDL t-shirt (well, his son was in a Town shirt) attacked a young guy (with an Argyle training top)... I don't think it was football related but he included all the usual stereotypical 'foot soldier' phrases.

'Fackin'
'Mug'
'CANT'

I saw him at the station queuing up for cash. Lovely t shirt he was wearing!

Out of interest did the players come back out yesterday and all that jazz?

Too right.

I mean, some fans were saying we were set for a close shave with relegation 7 or 8 weeks ago, and we've just finished 8th   :clap:

But the more sensible fans were saying we need to be avoiding a late season Oxford style meltdown, as seemingly safe positions can easily evaporate.

Another few weeks and Oxford could have been relegated.

Highlights up. Three points: the penalty looked a pretty fair decision. Nobody seems to have mentioned Wes's misjudgments with back passes, which are the greatest flaw in his game. Pity JMac couldn't have gone out with a goal to his name.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lDAzYLcOSA&feature=em-subs_digest (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lDAzYLcOSA&feature=em-subs_digest)

In an extreme type of situation, maybe. For example 97/98, when our form collapsed completely after a very strong start.

However, those of us with basic common sense could identify that a team which was playing decent stuff and hadn't lost 3 consecutive league games all season was never in a million years going to suddenly lose about 8 on the spin.

What Oxford (who, like us, finished 8th) have done is irrelevant. We never see them play and aren't placed to comment on factors like the impact of Wilder leaving, how genuine their apparently strong start was, etc.

It was amazing how many of the games Oxford did actually win was against 10 men.

Whether they have any financial clout to change their squad hugely I don't know, but if they keep the majority of the present lot they could be next season's Rovers.

Here's hoping!

Certainly not Wes's finest hour. Eventually the arsing about with the ball in his own penalty area is going to cost us a goal. He was just as casual as everyone else for the first half an hour on Saturday - Needed Troy or Alan Mac type to give them all a rocket.
Thought Gladwin was particularly slap dash. For someone who is 6 foot 4 he seems really weak in the tackle

Totally agree about the leadership, we do need a strong leader on the pitch, someone with the experience and is not frightened to get "stuck in" to team mates if they continually fuck up!!  Don't think either Nathan or Mass fit that bill.

Don't worry, you're not alone.

You don't need to be losing strings of games to be in a slump...lose a couple, draw a couple, win 1, lose another couple, draw a couple, win 1, lose one. Gives you 10 points from 10 games....which is exactly what we had going into the Shitty game, not necessarily in that order. At that stage we had 47, keep that form and a decent 57 obtained...enough to stay up, but you can go from this league with 52, so a bit close for comfort. 

We entered the final phase of 10 games, in poor form away from home, especially losing to bottom 4 sides, something we maintained, Tranmere weren't actually bottom 4 when we went there. The away form ended up easily that of a bottom 4 sides.

We had a run of tough looking home fixtures against top 4 sides....certainly no room for complacency or taking anything for granted.  Football is about fine margins....the Oxford example is relevant insofar as it demonstrates how instability can affect things, in ways perhaps not anticipated.

Our form tailed when we lost the reasonably potent front 3 of Ajose, N'Guessan and Ranger , for a variety of reasons...who can say how the instabilty now in the club, would have affected matters, if Jed and his Albanians had reared their ugly heads in February rather than April.

As I've said previously happily the management recognised the situation and did something about it, hopefully that will continue.....but fuck knows what will happen if Jed gets his foot in the door again.

The playing surface for the last match of the season was excellent. Credit to all concerned.   

Sorry for being remedial, but I need to catch up.  What is it with Jed and Albanians?  I missed that bit.

Jeds got an Albanian lined up who is going to turn Luton into the culinary capital of the world and Swindon into the new Barcelona - or was that Paul Hollywood - or have I got confused.

Jed and the Albanians....headline act at Remainderedstock Festival being held at the CG close season. Time to get down with the kids.

Not according to the guy who had to hit the crossbar from the half-way line - in a borrowed pair of trainers!! :cry: :-[

Like how Jay ran in after the penalty (hoping to follow up if Smith missed to score that goal) and then whacked the bar as well! A 'solid' season all round IMO, hopefully this boardroom thing will be sorted as early as possible and we go on to bigger/better things next season.