Thetownend.com

This is a thread where you can (not so) anonymously admit your little guilty pleasures or your full on I'm-going-to-hell sins.

I'll start.

A Phil Collins song came on the radio as I was driving home this evening and I actually quite enjoyed it. I even sang along a little.

I love Phil Collins.

There, I said it.

Wham! are one of my favourite groups.

I watch Two and a Half Men on a regular basis.

/thread.

I also like Duran Duran and some Chris de Burgh songs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZThquH5t0ow

Always liking this record,even before Family Guy :D

Neil Diamond

I saw Dirty Dancing the musical and thought it was OK.

i just laughed at In With the Flynns

Yesterday I killed 3 people. And enjoyed it so much I did another 2.

I have seen Daniel O'Donnell in concert

I once took an ex to see Barry Manilow just so i could get loads of blow jobs.

Does he give good head?

I go to London twice a year to watch West end shows.

Nowt wrong with that, I went to see Hairspray last year and thought it was great :)

I saw that though some of the performers were a bit stiff.

This is turning into a musicals thread! i went to see legally blonde in the west end and loved it - on the night we got beat 3-0 at home by charlton last season!

I like how I met your mother

I had a wank at work once.

I bought an album by Bob Log III after seeing him support Franz Ferdinand. Possibly the worst album I own. alongside Justified, by Timberlake (i have no idea how or why I have that...)

I cried when the dog in Marley & Me died.

Glad nobody here knows me.

I smiled when I killed the dog in marley and me.  Twice.  With a hammer.

Bastard

I got done for speeding in the ex-girlfriends car.  She forgot she had let me borrow it that day.  I didn't say a word.

Chris Huhne?

Ive started to enjoy Not Going Out

I once had a shit in a urinal at primary school as all the loos were occupied. They had to close the toilets for the rest of the day.

Imagine this thread if we had some intoxicated TEFers

That is gold. Does she still not know about it?

Sticky it?

I buried the dog from Marley and me in the garden...........right next to mother

I quite enjoyed some of last seasons matches! Do I win a prize?

I like the musical 'Chicago'

Nope! We split up a year or so later so she never will know about it.

This has the makings of an absolutely belting thread.

Once on a pub crawl in Wroughton, I was absolutely wankered.
Went for a piss, farted and followed through.
I took my boxers off and threw them out of the toilet window onto the street outside.

Indeed.
I want DMR to get involved, I bet he's got some fucking corkers.

Shame flammableBen and Mex aren't around at the moment as i'm sure they'd make this thread very interesting :)

I once had a wank in a mates sock after a night out and put it in one of his draws in the morning.

Haha - i've done this as well! Was mortified. Luckily my dad lived in town so i gave him a ring, had a quick shower, borrowed some of his boxers and went back out! DONE!

I once round to an girlfriends house to dump her, she open the door dressed only in her dressing gown. So I thought "ah why not" - I tied her up, gave her a good fucking, jizzed on her face and then gave her the bad news.

I know its wrong but it still makes me smile. Apart from that I am a nice bloke, really.

On a seaside holiday, lobbing bread on the roof of the caravan next to ours at stupid O' clock then pissing with laughter at the noise of the gulls getting an early Breakfast

so was this archway or marling?

Have we any American coach drivers on TEF that want's to own up to this little beauty.

http://www.footballforums.net/forums/showthread.php/122186-Greyhound-Takes-Dump-On-Motorway (http://www.footballforums.net/forums/showthread.php/122186-Greyhound-Takes-Dump-On-Motorway)

When I was 17 I went on Holiday with mates to Magaluf, one night we were hammered in a bar and got a bit silly we went into the girls toilets and stole a couple of sanny towel bins and smuggled them out, in our infinate wisdom we threw them at each other. The next morning we woke up in the room with used sanitary towels and tampons all over the floor and walls and one of my mates had one slapped to his face. We cleaned the room up as best we can, although I can say that with a banging hangover and such a gory sight I gagged and almost threw up multiple times.

After the clean up job we decided Breakfast was in order, as we went down to the bar to grab a bite to eat we walked by the pool which was strangely very empty...To my horror one of my mates had dumped the contents of another bin into the pool the night before, Disgusting but to this day I wish I had my camera with me.

 :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

I regularly steal confectionery from work (just as well it's my last week).

I went on holiday to Majorca with a mate when I was in my early 20's.

On the 2nd night there, I got totally wrecked (After entering about 10 tequila slammer competitions).

The last my mate saw of me was when I staggered out of Tokyo Joe's at 1 in the morning. The next time he saw me was 7.30, when I arrived back at the hotel in just my underpants, with no recollection of the previous 6 and a half hours.

My money, jeans, shirt, trainers, fags, lighter and hotel key were never found and I never found out what happened.

In Barcelona a few years ago for a mates stag do. After a pretty hefty all day/night session we were making our way back to the hotel, the way we went was crawling with hookers. One African one accosted me and without much persuasion I handed over about $20 so she could suck me off. We headed down some alleyway with me clutching on a bag of the spanish version of wotsits. Unfortunately i was so wrecked that i never got close to getting it up, one of my mates creeped up to get a picture of me eating a bag of wotsits while a hooker tries to get my member going.

I can still picture her looking up at me and saying "You drink? You drink?"

Some brilliant little stories on here already! That one with the sanitary towel did catch me off guard as i'm having some lunch whilst reading. Nearly threw the lot back up! Probably one of the most disgusting things i've heard in a while.

when i worked on the bread and cake section at a supermarket on the late shifts i'd treat myself to a pack of mini rolls throughout the shift. ;-)

Went to a house party once and for a laugh took a shit in a kettle.

Wouldnt have liked to have been there for the breakfast cup of tea in the morning

On that note when I worked in a supermarket on the dairy section, we'd reduce nice stuff coming up to its use-by to something like 2p and chuck em in the fridge our back so we could buy them later.

zzzzzz. More of a perk of the job story than a Crimewatch tail.

Oh, and Town23 - you sick bastard!

i had some fun in the bunker of a golf course. i didnt rake it after either

Those are secondary schools.  ;) I went to Malorees Primary School in London.

Did you build a sand castle?

Tame, tame, tame.

I once fucked an underage girl in her mum's bed and used a hairdryer to dry the wet patch. My (now ex) girlfriend was not amused when she found out, luckily I had an understanding family member and a rock solid alibi.

:Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

I hang my head in shame   :-[

I went to a house party once and made tans a cup of tea!

So do I.

I once did 75 in a 70 mile an hour zone.

True story.

You crazy bastard!!

You know it mofo!

This does not surprise me.

The only thing that is a surprise is that the underage girl in question wasn't your blood relation and you didn't offer her around afterwards.

Many years ago i dated two girls for over a year and the only reason i got caught was i added a third and got careless with the multiple lies . Porked all three in one day................bad bad bad

Done a similar thing but with a group of 3 best mates. I was not a popular bloke

I've never had sex with a blood relative of mine... I would have chucked one up my auntie a few years back but she's looking haggard now. Want her number?

you dated your 3 best mates?....dude!!!

Please.

RAPE!

You've raped someone? Sicko!!

#

It was herthab though. He looked so god coing out of Tokyo joe's.

Haha - suprise sex! Let the good times roll....  ;)

nowt wrong with a decent struggle cuddle.

Unless your the one suprised or struggling

I thought it was.... snuggle struggle?

I can run faster horny than they can scared.

When I noticed that 'Ray-pest' had posted in the 'confessions' thread, which had recently turned into a litany of sexual conquests and general mysongnistic filth, I wasnt expecting a story about a stolen digestive biscuit at a tea party.

I wasnt dissapointed.

In context, it seems like a bit of confession to admit that I'm a girly lefty man who's currently in a bit of a sulk because his not even proper girlfriend has left the country for a few months to do charity work.

I suspect I need a prescription for manning up.

no girl could ever class it as rape because i'd of finished by the time she says NO

I arrived home from a night out with an ex girlfriend, both of us were completely smashed.

I remember things getting a bit hot and heavy in my bed, I remember putting a condom on.

Then I woke up the next morning, she had underwear on and I never found the condom. :/

i remember on millenium new year we had a house party in chippy.

Upon big ben ringing out for 12am we all had a massive group hug. I took this opportunity to grope my girlfriends mates tit. Till this day she never knew it was me nor did my mates realise I’d done it :)

Aforementioned (now ex) girlfriend fell asleep during sex once, I finished anyway. I fucking hated that cunt.

Dirty cunt touching my sister, she was only 14!

she sucked my cock first

Fucking great, you're free to shag whatever you want - get pissed whenever you want, eat shit bacon whenever you want. Nemo, its party time. Why should she go and help others when you've got to go withuot - selfish cow. 

Thanks dad

This thread is ace!!

Im trying to think of something suitable to add!  :girlgiggle:

When I was about 13, me and a mate accidentally set fire to a tree messing around with a can of deodorant and a lighter. We blamed it on a firework.

In 2008 and 2009 I paid to watch WWE wrestling at Newcastle Metro Arena and enjoyed it both times.

I'd do it again.

I went in 2001 twice and 2002. Of course I was alot younger back then and the wrestling as alot better.

About 10 rows back for the show in 2002 and it had Steve Austin and The Rock in the main event.

I still watch WWE occasional.

I went to Summerslam '92 at Wembley, I was only 14 though.

I watch the hightlights show on SkyOne every now and again but I was in my mid-20's when I went. For shame :)

Meh.

Myself and a mate are *hoping* to do WrestleMania next year, just because...

...and The Rocks getting back in the squared circle!

The purpose for my second trip was to see Shawn Michaels before he retired.

Well worth it I expect to.

I could speak up on your behalf?

I ain't watched Wrestling in a while. I watched The Rock's comeback, I would love to see it live at least once in my lifetime.

Me and my friends got wankered when we were about 15 and started a blazing fire in a field. There were barrels of acrylic sealant and a big plastic sheet lying around. That shit goes up in flames!

Then we ran.

I've seen wrestling live at the NIA, I was a lot younger and we had good seats. I thought it was shit. Hey ho.

Okkkaaaaayyyy!!!! Do I let you??

Do it.

I give permission!!

You do?

Otanswell went to watch wwe a couple of mOnths back.

Hes 28.

Sad cunt

But everyone will assume 118 man is you?

i went in 2000 and loved it. Main evern was a fatal 4 way with undertaker vs kane vs mankind vs stone cold.

I remember JFW telling me a story about being caught starkers by a delivery man which amused me at the time

I had a flatmate who rarely changed his bed sheets. 

I hid a pork pie under his pillow.  It remained there for 6 weeks.  I grew tired of the daily check to see if it was still there and decided to put in the fridge on a plate.   The next day he ate said pie after coming in pissed.  He spent the next week severely leaking at both ends with food poisoning.

It still makes me chuckle to this day. 

I am shamelessly flirting with every single female I can find on Facebook that is going to the same uni that I plan on in September.

I might not get the grades, but I plan to be well prepared if i do!

Oh get on with it for fuck sake.

Sorry, went to bed... my favourite JFW story is when she got busy with a 118 118 man on the bonnet of her car, ruining the paintwork with her stiletto heel boots in the process. She may have been dressed as a bunny girl at the time, I'm not too sure

Went on holiday with some college mates to Newquay last year, one of the girls there was a girl who had been obsessed with me for 2 years, and told her friends she planned to sleep with me. On our first night she kept buying me drinks, I wasn't complaining, also happened to be the night Swindon vs Exeter was on tv so need some drinks to cheer me up at 1-0 down, got wasted, she made a move on me, and I banged the shit out of that, not realising she was a virgin, woke up in the morning to find my bed sheets turned from blue to red.
She then thought we were a "couple" because we shagged, told her I couldn't stand her, she went mental. So in turn I swapped our bedsheets over and she had to sleep 5 more nights in her bloodstained bedsheets whilst mine was blood free.

Haha - LAD!!!

Whoever said romance was dead?

I love the 'that' bit, the final insult.

'That' doesn't do it justice , she looks like a moonmin  :doh:

You sir are a legend. How old was the mum?

Not really confessions as common knowledge amongst mates etc but as I suppose the TEF has a right to know. As a starting point,

I've vomited on the job twice. First time all over the bed after 6th form leavers do as the bird in question was undressing so I just got up and fucked off. Second time on a mates stag do in Costa Brava March 09, 3 of us having this minging hooker, for some inexplicable reason I thought I'd go down for a munch and the sheer sight of the thing has had me barrying like a fucking river. Needless to say we didnt get what we paid for.

More in the morning x

Can we Lounge this btw for future ones...

Love you dave

:Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

Best. Thread. Ever.



I once used an apostrophe when pluralising, instead of showing ownership. :suicide:

Was it JFW?

I watch five episodes of Time Team on More4 every Saturday.

I am a regular watcher of old Bullseye episodes....in oneeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Ditto.









Masturbating.




Dave that is fucking disgusting but brilliant..

You can't beat a bit of Bully

Mine was a last week, was searching through some porn videos on the Internet and found what looked like a really good anal scene so I decided to knock one off. It was brilliant he had her bent over giving her a right good seeing to and the camera kept going from a close up of the him fucking her ass and then would show her face absolutely loving it! Anyway I timed the wank to perfection and managed to cum just as the scene was about to come to an end with her sucking his cock anyway as I was Kleenexing my cum the end of the scene was still on and the camera panned away from her face to reveal her whole body and it turned out that she was infact a he!! I felt physically sick and have not wanked since!

hahaha.  

Not really sure I want to confess mine, probably the most moronic stupidest thing one could do

I'm not sure about that, Bobby appears to have that one wrapped up...

I used to keep a wanking sock in my drawer when I was a teen. My mum found it and asked me if I wanted it washed, whilst holding it with forceps.

Ha I went the other week at the O2

A gentleman never tells ;)

Shagged a virgin on the beach in Greece - red sand afterwards

Couldnt get it up for a hooker when me and a mate paid for one to come to his house

Come on, you can't say that and not tell us.

haha who was that? jase i bet

When I was 14 I stayed at a mates and wanked into a blanket and left it in his room.

Licked out the ex only for her to queef on me during

how did you guess :D

About 10 years ago 1 night after cairos(friday night £10 band bargain) i went back to some birds house in haydon wick and ended up shagging her.When i finished i went downstairs and my mate had passed out on her sofa so i ended up shagging the housemate aswell.

Week after not one of them would speak to me.

I suppose not but please bear in mind it's something I'm deeply ashamed of Samdy.

I knicked a car from my locals car park, keys from my keyring started it, think it was an old Austin or something. I was under the influence, probably around the age of 17-18 with one or two driving lessons to my name, so basically no insurance, no licence and shit faced. I had the idea to drive it round to my girl friends at the time which I did, without crashing it and dumped it in a convenient road. My ex is the only one that knows about this, apart from you lot.
I later found out that the car belonged to a friend of mines sister, who I also knew. Ooooops
Hence I won't drink anything if I'm driving

Do you have your own car or do you just borrow to get from a to b. The second option would appear a lot cheaper.

Me and a few mates once got into a Citroen BX using a pen-knife. We chickened out before we started it though.

I now have my own car chalkie ;) as stated it's not something I'm proud of. I dread to think what would have happened if I had been nicked

Then you never found out the pleasures of the hydropneumatic self-levelling suspension.

I read that 5 minutes ago and am still laughing viciously. Brilliant.

More from DMR please

A bloke at work mentioned a wank sock the other day, have to confess I was in hysterics about it, never heard of such a thing

I know! I just use the nearest one.

I'll have a think of some more gory ones. One for now... think it's been mentioned already, I'm watching Marley & Me now on C4+1 and I've just had to dab the old eyes at Owen Wilson telling the dog 'to let me know when you're ready,' might have to flick over before the inevitable.

Have to admit it's pretty sad

Marley & me is a killer got to my stoney heart

If the bird sniggers at me whimpering one more time I'm gonna kick her in the cunt, that'd be a confession worth writing

Surely you getting emotional should bring out her motherly side. Take advantage man!

Laying down, knocking one out once I managed to cum in my eye.

Not really a confession - its on my cv under "achievements"

I have a sneaky suspicion that my wank sock(s) are still in my draw at mums house.

since the missus moved in with me, ive become quite the fan of greys anatomy.

I also quite like greys anatomy and also Bones.

The family Black Labrador Joe died in my Brothers arms a few weeks back now. He was nearly 13 and had a great life but had a stroke around 2am in Morning. Poor Mum had to call my Brother and he held him in his arms until vet came to put him to sleep.
Brother was cuddling him and talking to him......still brings tears to my eyes.

Mrs was watching Marley and me Saturday. I couldn't watch it wrong time.............

Would love another Labrador though. I have had 3 but now kids and work now is not the right time.

Sorry JFW if that made you sad.

I took a girl on a date to watch Marley & Me. I thought it was a chick flick and would score me brownie points. Just before we got in I learnt her family dog was dying. It went well considering.

I did like watching Dawson's Creek ,The OC and especially Alias.

I watch Glee!

Me too. I love Glee

great tele. little grey is fit as fook.

Can't argue with that.

i just cant stand that izzy bird, took me a while to realise she was Casey Rybacks daughter in under siege, and she was annoying in that
But yes, little grey is fit.

I love the film The Princess Bride.

Also once, When I was in year 11, I had one of those spontanous erections at school, and at the same time I was called out to see the career advisor. I spent ages tying up my shoelaces. It became a semi by the time I went out the door. Nobody noticed.

I can't believe I've just said that.

 :-[

Sue Sylvester is brilliant.

She's certainly a MILF. In real life she's got three kids.

I always used to get it about 5 minutes before the end of classes - Done the good old 'tuck it up between your belt' jobby and it worked a treat! Was never caught!

lad at school got caught a good one - called to the front to see teacher with a sponny on, that day he was wearing stetchy cotton pyjamas for charity...

Matanza, yeah, if you had a jumper it could work but if you only had a shirt then you were in trouble!  ;D

 :doh: - summer time was the worst.

She's a witch

A very funny witch though

I stole a white Felt Q920 bike yesterday

:D

A few years ago I was Facebook stalking a girl from work who was fit as fuck.. It became weird when I'd looked at that much of her profile that I had forgotten we'd never actually spoken to eachother. One day we were on our break at the same time and I slipped up with my opening line "how did the big move go, ok?" - she seemed a bit taken back that I knew about her moving house, but I covered it up by saying that one of our mutual friends/colleagues had mentioned it in passing.

I thought I'd got away with it, until our mutual friend told me that she was weirded out by the fact that I'd accidently 'liked' a selfie of her in her bikini in the album entitled 'Algarve 2010'.

So she knew all along, oops.

Didn't know this thread existed.

Linking into a recent thread, in 1976 in Oman I accidentally shot a donkey.

You crazy bastard ;)

I did feel a bit of an ass.

But I like donkeys and I still feel pangs of guilt

There used to be a magazine called Front. Positioned between loaded and GQ. They had a feature called "Mate in a State" where you sent in photos of passed out pissed up people. I'm in one issue, with my shirt off, bra on, lipstick on, and a big cock drawn on my stomach and chest. Must have been one hell of a party as 2 of my mates are also in the same issue, in an even worse state of distress.

I'll start small.

Tried doing the nasty with my s.o. outdoors once, as we thought it'd be sexy.
The blanket we brought was very small, we were on a slope, it was muddy and there were big bastard thistles absolutely everywhere.

This place we chose as it was well covered, and there was no sheep excrement.

After unintentionally moving part way down the hill, and a knee - and a testicle full of thistle spikes later; I just decided to go down on her, and save the rest for later. The walk back was a little uncomfortable on the gentleman's region to say the least.

I have not attempted the outdoor coitus again since.

If we're talking boudoir shenanigans here goes.

Coming back from a work Xmas do my then wife picked me and a couple of others up to take home.

I was in the back with a young work colleague I had been flirting with all evening. She gave me a hand job while the wife was driving.

#humblebrag

I once stole a pair of Gloria Hunniford's tights. True story.

I enjoy birdwatching and am fascinated by the London Underground:

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLz1JuTRxlXhIYyzEu-M02R64Too01SsPT

Was she wearing them at the time?

No. I was appearing on a TV show and was given Gloria Hunniford's dressing room as she did a regular programme from that studio. I wanted a souvenir and it seemed a bit mean to take the framed photo of her daughter, Karen Keating. I found a pair of tights in their packet in a drawer so I swiped them. They are still sealed and unsoiled.

Ah. I had visions of you hugging them closely to your nose and inhaling deeply.

I've got a pair of Liam Gallaghers shoes(unworn), a belt from Matt Lucas, and an unused half of Bob Dylan's bog roll.

Barry Manilow 😕

I've got the old "Director's Box" sign from the County Ground.

We're going to need some photographic proof, soon.

You really want a photo of Audrey shooting a donkey whilst being tugged off?

Many moons ago i worked in a butchers, remember them? Anyway often you'd find tiny little bits of meat stuck to the white bags you'd serve among other places. This one day a regular bloke took the white bag containing some mince IIRC. I took his £5 note and noticed a little tiny piece of meat had adhered itself to his hand so being the kind person that i am i tried to pick it off with my other hand. Turned out to be a stubborn little bit of meat until i realised it was a pale coloured mole or something.

If there's a beer glass I like in a pub, I will take it.

Not so much of a confession just an example of how innocent comments have the potential to land you into some very, very deep and fucking scaldingly hot water.

Watching my lads football team one day. Their opponents had a girl  up front and she was good, very good and causing our defence no end of problems with her pace and holding up the ball. After about ten minutes of play i turned to our coaches and said "that girl upfront is a bit tasty". I realised what i said imediately after i'd said it and realising what could be misconstrued to find them both laughing. One of them said yes she was good and then switched tactics ten minutes later to counter the threat. We did win that game after falling behind from an own goal after one of her crosses took a wicked deflection.

Of my director's box sign?

I believe you, but why not? Pics always improve a thread.

(That could be a really double edged sword with this one)

Once stole a pint glass from the pub at Lords and managed to bring it home to Swindon, nice glass... Marstons - has etchings of cricket players on the sides, at the bottom of the glass it says 'run out'. Think that was the USP.

My brother is a chippy and he did a bit of a refurb a few years back when Fitton and co took over. It was going in the bin I think, but he nabbed it for me.

Nice. I'll dig the magazine out, its here somewhere. But are you really sure you want to see me in a bra? And you might be thinking, could be anyone, but enough on here would be able to pick me out!

That's impressive for sure. Some great history there.

Pictures included people of this thread!

After a Thursday night out in Harding's (free drinks between 8 and 9 and a free hot dog at chucking out), I was staying at my mate's parent's house (on the sofa).

I woke up in the middle of the night on their kitchen floor with my trousers around my ankles, still very much pissed. I turned on the light to find I'd taken a steaming dump in the middle of said kitchen floor. (No photographic evidence available)

WTF!

What the fuck is the beverage of choice in this forum, Turpentine? I've been very, very drunk in my life but I've always managed to shit in a toilet. Far too many of these stories seem to involve misplaced faeces  :headhurts:

Reading back through and saw your one and only here olly!. Similar one, first hols away was Benidorm when I was 19 with 3 mates. Two of us pulled a couple of sorts from Scunthorpe first night, woke in the morning to a red bed. Made my mate take them down the lift and get rid whilst I swapped bedsheets. No way was I sleeping like that for 13 more nights. Did spend the rest of the hols hiding though.

Did the Lads from Scunthorpe take your anal virginity? Maybe they'll be back for more on Saturday.

Losing my virginity happened in two phases. We had an executive suite hotel room, just had a date for a fancy dinner and I did the hiding gifts with notes thing.

We showered together,  I gave her a massage, then we tried (and failed) to do the lovemaking, it was too painful for her (also a virgin) so we stopped.

Next morning we woke up, and did it for 3 and a half hours, only stopping because the maid was knocking the door down. Blood on the sheets.... There was a little. I have no idea why you guy's girls all painted the sheets red.

Were you all riding the crimson tide or something?

Surely no lad has ever lasted over 3hrs on his first pump!

You should have tried chemsex DMR....a shortcut for those who need one.

I think I'd be bored after an hour or 2 to be honest Reg

I've got this sneaky feeling that this thread is now going to fill up with white spirit imbibing related posts...

She definitely would. Truly well honed and reamed too.

3 and a half hours?

You could have got to Leeds in that time!

I'm not saying I did not reach the "Peak" so to speak in those 3 and a half hours. I had my first "Peak" at about the 45 minute mark. I was still in full salute, but less sensitive for the following 2+ hours.

It didn't get boring, because A. time flies when you're having sex. and B. we switched the part of the room we were doing it in every 15 minutes or so, the floor, the bed, the chairs, the bathroom, against the room door with people passing outside...

I'm someone who takes things like "First times" very seriously.




P.S. She also "Peaked" about 4 times, and I practically had to carry her home after.
 A pillow behind the back while doing the deed on the floor is a surprisingly good way to hit the G Spot.

Has the TEF turned into Razzle?   ???

So if any of you ever stay in room 145 of the Best Western hotel in a certain Town beginning with "B" in North Oxfordshire. You've now been enlightened on some of it's history.

I'm desperately posting to keep this thread alive. Let's be having you people. Come on. I'm going to go through all my stories at this rate!

You lost your virginity in a hotel in Banbury?

You poor fucker

It was one of the Suites. I have pictures. Which I may post shortly. They need me photoshopped out of them, first.

I kind of feel that my example in a tent next to a Biffa Bin on boars hill lacks the desired romance or occasion for this thread.... Plus my missus knows my user name on here....

Could be worse could be bicester?

What is this publication of which you speak?

You stoopid fuckers. Everyone knows it means By The Red Dragon.

Oh bollocks, I've just given the secret away.

Bampton

I had a fling with a woman in the HO of a Co. I worked for in Manchester. She lived in Olham. I had resigned and she was upset that i was leaving so i took a sickie and drove up to her house from Swindon. I knocked the door and she ushered me to the matrimonial bedroom. They had a mate in the kitchen replastering and he did not know i was there. I porked her on the bedroom floor firstly. Later after she snuck me out i gave her another going over on Saddleworth moor.....

Bicester girls... Yuck. Another confession.

It was night time, everyone heading to sleep at a house party in Chipping Norton I was at. I was sharing a bed comfortably with my better half, trying to drift off to sleep - and this girl (from bicester) was having it off with a friend of mine in an adjacent bed. I was loudly professing my recent bowel movements in an attempt to put them off, or make them go to another room - but it seemed to encourage them more.

Some of the statements, I can remember clearly coming from that bed while I lay awake, trying to sleep were as follows.

"Do you like it when I suck your cock?"

and "Oh yes. Finger me!"

The host's Dad came home and came in to complain about the noise eventually. She apologised for the noise while sitting on the floor having stopped the previous actions. Tits out and everything. Totally nonchalant.

Weird people I hang out with.

Who was it? Everyone knows everyone in chippy

Can't say. I can say that I'm largely responsible for all the "Vote Chippy!" posters and stickers everywhere, though.

Consider that another confession.

When I was about 14 I stayed over at my mates house in Chippenham.

His mum came in my room in the morning to ask what I wanted for breakfast just as I was getting rid of morning wood.

Could have died.

So ok, we know that you all support Swindon. But I can't help but think that there's an Oxfordshire thing going on here.

Please nobody confess to incest  :suicide:

I'm Swindon born and bred. Born the year we were in the Prem at the Princess Margaret hospital.

Chipping Norton is full of people who aren't from around Oxfordshire. The head of the business group I attend is from Preston.

Nerve.

Touched.

Mission accomplished.

My work here is done.

 :D

You got me. You shameless, beautiful man.

Have you met Alan? :D

I've yet to have the.... Pleasure?

Do go into detail.

Followed through at work the other day.

Had to do an immediate waddle to the bogs at a fast pace whilst avoiding trying to avoid attention to my unusal stride pattern or smell.  Cleaned myself up, ditched ruined boxers out of bog window and went commando, that last bit was quite liberating I must admit.

Presumably Arkell's the night before induced.

Yes, that is my first confession on this thread.

Nah, was my lunch from canteen an hour earlier that had gone straight through me. Should have know better as didn't feel great after eating it but I love farting so it's my own fault for taking the risk

Reminds me of that joke where the guy waddles into a shop, asks them to put Levi's in the bag then after shoving his shit stained trousers out the window looks into the bag to find he was given a jacket.

Is this a dig at me?

Well I was trying to protect your identity but you've given it away now  :D

This thread is slowly turning into this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o

This thread needs more alcohol induced posting. I hope it lasts until the weekend.

Don't do it Eldene, you will get ethanol poisoning

I'm a bit tipsy but I've never shit or pissed myself and I've never slept with a sex worker so I feel unable to contribute  :no:

You can give me 50 notes when we drill if you want.

You might feel mugged off though.

Oh, my dear, you've obviously been missing out going by some of the posts on this thread.

I don't really get drunk. Nights out that get me suitably wankered are a rarity and very expensive.

I got 10 drinks down on a night out, a combination of pints, mixers and shots and was still fine.

My 21st I had many shots of Sambucca and Tequila, and apart from kicking the shit out of someone's bin in Oxford and shouting "YELLOW FUCKING SCUM!" Down the empty Summertown streets at 2AM - I was fine.



On a sidenote... I seem to have found Tans on YouTube. Got something to confess?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9h7nkZ55Rs

That's a lie actually, I once wet myself in front of the school. I was about 4 years old and dressed as a Christmas tree.

Slightly more salacious I suppose (although many years later I should add) I did once sleep with 2 members of the same band within less than 24 hours of each other.  :zipped:

Twins? Mistaken identity?

Otherwise you will be fine with DMR

Nope, they weren't related. You're determined to get some tenuous incest into this thread aren't you?  :sherlock:

You slept twice in 24 hours? Do you have narcolepsy?

I did after that! Exhausting ;)

Try doing it for 6 hours.  :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

 :D

What makes you think I didn't! ;)

You say band members... Does this mean narcotics were involved?

I'm going to bed

Not as far as I'm aware. There was no evidence of it anyway..

How the weak submit.

The humble brag's in this thread since it's revival are amazing.

As is TalkTalk's forum-wide fawning over Ells.

I think Talk Talk and DMR are going to have to have a fight over Ells.

This


Machete joke
Remembering the time DMR got twatted by a Swasew fan for being a gobby shit.

I was only about 17 and I was battered!

#LAD



 ::)

As in drunk or beaten?

Strange how all the 'confessions' involve alcohol and/or sex.

Has nobody committed murder/arson/armed robbery - preferably when NOT drunk?

One of the lads that got sent down for dealing coke in Swindon bought his first ounce from me. He got just over 5 years. I have, in fact, been a drug dealer for 3 separate periods, specialising in class As.

I also enjoy the music of Taylor Swift.

That's more like it.

I'm with you, Audrey. I find the sex confessions rather boring.

My neighbours had a mad party on a Sunday night a couple of weeks back, I politely(!) asked them to turn the music down a bit at about 23:00ish, they promised they would and then 5 minutes later cranked it right up. Cunts. I called the police on them and they came out and moved them on. I thought nothing more of it, until 04:30 when they got back from out and cranked it right up again. I call the police again and after an hour or so they come out to move them on again.

07:00am Monday morning I got out in the street, lean over their wall and turn the gas off at the meter and turn the water off in their water meter and steal the long plastic key so they can't turn it back on.

Both were off until the Wednesday evening when their landlord came out.

Turn it down at 11pm! Crotchety old cunt!

10 years ago, the thought of living next door to identical twin girls that love a party might have appealed to me. It doesn't now.

I can't stand inconsiderate cunts like that, even when I was younger I respected that the neighbours have jobs to go to and stuff. I might occasionally go a bit nuts (within reason) on a weekend, but never on a school night. Good on ya Jayo.

If I confessed to a criminal fraud on here can 'they' do me for it?

It's a public forum so who knows who's watching...

whatever happened to Toni ?

The Tory's latest Bill on data access by the State....means that more or less everything will be monitored, but with some nominal democratic accountability. The great British public seem happy enough with this.

It's not really a confession but a lad I went to school with is doing time for murder.

I stole loads of lego and micro machines from numerous playgroups as a kid and never got called out in it.

I also threw a brick at my friend's Dad's car (It was parked) and threw a big rock at someone's roof, dislodging a loose tile. Never got caught or called out on those either. Funny thing was, the friend's car was directly opposite my house.

You could phrase it as a story that happened to a friend of a friend?

I ran over a rabbit a few months ago (not deliberately).

I also once took a massive shit in black bag I placed inside a bucket because the toilet in my apartment was clogged and it was late.

I tied the bag up and then walked it to the end of the corridor, passing a few people with a bag of shit in hand. Before throwing it down the rubbish chute.

A friend worked for a sports retailer in the outlet and used to nick shitloads of stuff, I helped him a couple of times and got some bits and bobs. Was convinced I'd been caught once when 3 big bastards in black coats and hi-viz jackets appeared whilst I was waiting outside and started pointing in my direction, turned out they were builders checking out where some work needed doing.

SWIM is the way it's normally worded.....

This is cuntish but superb - well done Sonic edit : Jayo

I was once slapped in a road rage incident by some middle age bad tempered twat for sicking to the speed limit. He was an absolute cock and was cautioned by the police for it. They wrote to me giving his address so every week for a while when I came home pissed in the early hours I'd phone him up and hang up when he answered.

You could do this before caller ID  ;D

It's not uncommon for me to go a week or two at work by doing absolutely nothing other than checking my emails. I work hard when I do have a workload and nobody is forced to do work that I'm supposed to do, it's just that sometimes there's not much for me to do. I'm off the grid. I get paid okay and received a pay increase recently.

I'm beginning to think that I'm Milton in Office Space.

Sonic?

Sorry - Jayo.

Fixed it

Yep exactly the same here, except I dont even bother coming in and do my emails from home..

Doesn't everyone do that?

Perhaps. It's a confession nonetheless.

Doing nothing is quite hard sometimes.

i did 10 weeks at home in the summer. no one noticed..

You should all read the 4 Hour Work Week, it tells you how to become a master at it.

I haven't taken on any work in more than a year, asides from a few days work I did a couple of months ago.

Jesus, I'm in the wrong line of work...

No, you're living in the wrong country.

When I was 17 I went to a party at an acquaintance's parent's house. He and his friend had made cookies, which I was clearly too naïve to think much more of. Anyway after a handful (greedy bastard, and I hadn't had any dinner) I started having a fucking amazing time.

Then I had a fucking dreadful time.

I started feeling sick, so went to the bathroom, locked the door, dropped trousers and started doing the business. Shortly after starting this, vomit began pouring from the other end into the bath. I can still see it now, 12 years later - it was almost foam like.

The pain in my gut remained and I couldn't move - so here was me, still sat on the shitter, bent almost double, and now people banging on the door. I couldn't talk. Eventually one guy climbed onto the roof and came in through the open window, surveyed the scene, unlocked the door and left me there to be gawped and laughed at. Thankfully, a friend who I had recently rescued off the toilet at my own party came in, pulled my trousers up (shit was stodgy as hell, so was a "no wipe" situation) and got me to a bed, where I stayed until my sister came and got me in the morning.

Felt a bit rough the next day, but no lasting or even short term damage. The story still comes up occasionally but I've been able to laugh about it almost since it happened. I don't drink so this remains my biggest ever mess of a night.

You sure they weren't urinal cakes?

I couldnt imgine Harry Potter stoned

Some guys I met at a festival kept putting urinal cakes from a portaloo in their mates drink - disgusting after the 3rd time they did it  he ended up puking and storming off home!

I bet a mate a fiver to eat one, the crazy cunt grabbed one from the urinal, starts crunching it then threw his guts up. Best £5 i've ever spent.

I've just accidentally watched a whole episode of the great pottery throw down.

My confession? I quite enjoyed it. I think i've reached old age

I've never actually been to Norway. My wife is from Wokingham. I was actually living in Slough when I said I lived in Norway.

I don't even live in London.

Some people have weird mates!
Maybe it's a bloke thing? I'd be terrified if my friend starting vomiting in agony, I could never laugh about it! I'm such a worrier  :-[

wasn't just aimed at Flashhearts post, but all the 'I do cock all work' posts.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I do work, it's just that sometimes I can go a week or two without doing any. This week included.

 ;)

As a confirmed gay man I am ashamed to say that a female friend sucked me off for about ten seconds in front of a mate for a dare. Any of you red blooded males got 'other way round' stories?

Have you got her mobile number please?

Even I last longer than that!

was it her dare or yours?!

I'm trying to work out just what 'the other way round' actually means.

Receipt of knob in arse....

Delicately put, Reg!

I'd rather not...

This thread makes the TEF sound like Sodom and Gomorrah, so I suppose a confession of sodomy is possible....

Good grief does it need to be confirmed now - is being gay subject to that much regulation and paperwork in the modern era - bloody Tory government?

Yeah one of my female friends had a bet with me. The forfeit was to perform oral sex. I lost the bet.

I'm not quite sure that "losing" is the right word, whichever way round it was meant? Giving is the new receiving, obviously...

I may or may not have just (inadvertently) complained about my ankles hurting in front of someone with no legs

Well that's not a bad thing. Their ankles never hurt.

2 minutes and 3 seconds before replying Alan, you're getting sloppy!

 :D

Exactly the point! I think he has bigger problems..


Says the man counting.. Are you stalking a stalker? :D

no, it's just now weird not to see his name after one of your posts. :D

I'm frankly disappointed that the mods haven't stepped up to the obvious gag plate and renamed him Stalk Stalk yet.

I am just pleased that the wi-fi extends down to his cellar so Ells can still post!  ;)

Hmmmnmf, nnff mnfff nnff

Christ what is he making you do now  ???

I think that's the "obvious gag" Nemo was talking about.

Confirmed by CoE (not Seb).

One of the first DVD's I owned was 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'.

I don't know why, but I was 19 so should have known better.

One of the first? .. Obviously we want to know what the first one was then  :D

I think it was the first series of Friends..

Could be a lot worse then :D

That said, I fucking hate Friends. My confession to add to the thread.

Me too, if I could rewind to my 19 year old self, I'd give myself a good hiding.

Now that I'm 31 and 'cool as fuck', that is.

Friends is fucking terrible.

Are we naming terrible things?

Mrs Brown's boys is terrible.

that's worse than terrible, Batch...

Fucking agree with that. Any programe that needs canned laughter is shyte by association.

Blackadder and MASH both have canned laughter, no? I don't like it as a design choice but there's some fine sitcoms that have used it.

One of the most sensible things I've read on here for ages!!!

This!!!!

Add "How I met your mother" to that

Friends was a victim of its own success and was shown far too much on the years following its conclusion. It's dated and was poor towards the end but it was it was mostly watchable.

Confession: I can tolerate Friends.

My other half is a big fan of it, biiiiig fan of it. It's ok. The format has been copied nth times over, How i met your mother was good, but the shittest, shittest last episode ever. They filmed the ending after about 2 or 3 seasons, then stretched it out to 7 or 8, however many it got to. Jesus it was bad. Really bad. Made me angry.

I grew to love Friends. But then apparently I come across as a bit gay, so it's not that surprising.

And a real confession for the thread, although more of a brag really (seems to either result in man points or hatred) I'm now on my third NSA "relationship" in a row where the woman is either married or in a long term relationship.

National Security Agency relationship... that's risky look what happens to Bond girls!

I dread to think how you find these women...

Sadly nothing unusual or weird there, Sippo. Bars, booze and the ability to chat lots of shit.

And the relationship status has emerged later; it's not something I've looked for. Kind of unlucky, kind of lucky.

It seems increasingly as if you can find more or less any niche interests on-line....there was that Ashley Madison thing recently where people go for extra mural shagging.

I'm old skool, so have never bothered with anything on-line. Still the tried and tested.....pubs, clubs, work, friends of friends and a few long standing no commitment things.

Tinder and POF have made it possible to get a bit of casual knee-deep action within a matter of hours.

From experience it's never been easier really and I'm ugly cunt

Tinder is the modern ego boost

Also an indictment of the cesspool of a world we live in. I'm in the Barry and Reg camp. If you cant use your own natural attributes in a live setting, then if you're male stick to wanking over the Littlewoods catalogue, and dream you aren't a mong. And if you're female, well really you should know better than to meet ugly bastards off the internet, have some pride.

What if the female is a right old heifer? How's she ever going to get a length?

I know someone who has tapped 4/5 of the women he's met from there and he's ginger. Standards are slipping.

 :clap:

Bugger that.  If you just want to get your end away, no strings etc it saves so much time/effort.

You shouldnt really go looking for anything serious on these places, they are pretty much just full of dirt bags

Chap i work with reckons hes been out with 15 or so birds hes met on tinder or pof. Only one of them made him wait for a second date before opening the old legs

Good old boy

Agree. Most women could walk into almost any bar and walk up to very few men, with their cards on the table, and get laid - if that's what she was after.

Therefore, it seems that any woman that needs to go online and mix in the cesspit of "online hook-ups" is probably carrying some dangerously evil baggage or has reached psycho level 9999.

It's men that have it hard; we actually have to do the work, but in a non-blatant way. We have to be entertaining, charming, non-desperate, hard-to-get, cool and have enough dickhead sprinkled in that we seem deeper than the sum of our words.


I had a mate who ploughed his way through quite a number. Most were after more though and were hurt that all he wanted was the one night. Or more if they made it easy enough.

I can do the sprinkle of dickhead bit.

What is a POF?

I could be wrong, but I think it's Plenty of fish? A dating site?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbvrGiL_s70

When I split from the Ex I lived in Crawley for a bit and trawled the old dating sites.

Never strung anybody along but still buried the bone more often than not.

Never got on with Slack Bladder either.

Never been that desperate for sex that I'd use an app for it. I find the whole thing pretty strange to be honest.

You could just message people on here, you'd clean up.

My shag app of choice is Grindr. It is a marvellous tool. Works very well at away games too  ;)

I've fully embraced being a modern man by meeting my girlfriend through an online dating service

That's what Kronenbourg and Stella were invented for.

I thought we were trying to keep it a secret. ;)



I can understand this, it's just the "using an app to get a shag" I can't quite get to grips with.

Also, I really like Kronenbourg   :/

If you prefer to crack one off, then that's fine.

  ;)

Sex I didn't get from pressing a button on t'internet =/= cracking one off

A word of advice to those who meet via app: I have found the ShagAdvisor service very useful. Basically you rate the person(s) you meet based on honesty, punctuality and performance and they do the same to you. You then get a rating which helps people decide if they want to meet you.

Holy shit.
And sex workers still get demonised..

Out of interest, with regards the 'chatting shit' part, have you ever told them something that wasn't true about yourself only to either go along with it for the duration of the 'relationship' or come clean with your tail between your legs?

Yeah. That I was hung like a donkey only to be outed minutes later as a church mouse

 :D

Chat shit get banged

Not that I recall. My chatting shit is merely attempting to be funny, being a cocky cunt and generally amusing myself by asking stupid questions and doing accents badly.


I wish. As a habit I drink myself out of the game.

I too met my current girlfriend on a dating website. Nothing to be ashamed of in this day and age, especially if you live in the middle of nowhere and work too much. You still have to meet them in real life after all so the dating website is nothing but an introduction.

Although Sutton seems to think internet dating is a bit wrong, I'd like to point out that saying it's not for me doesn't mean I disapprove. If it works for you, then all good.

is that an offer?

No

Its not the dating bit i think is dodgy. If people find partners through them I dont have a problem with that, In fact great for people who dont have time etc. Its the less savoury sites and aspects of these, that will bring Brimstone (whatever that is) and fire on dirty slappers and chancers.

I'd wager it's not the women that are conservative, but the men. We're men, aren't we supposed to be leading the line, mixing it up a bit and getting them excited?

I think us men have become too passive over the years and I think that bores women.

Yeah, this.

What I have an "issue" with is the whole using it for a shag thing, but even then that's because it's just not something I'd ever do myself. If that's what both parties are into though then who cares, go for it. Who you shag and when and why and how is no one's business but your own.

Just don't get me started on this whole "women are from Mars.." Stuff that seems to be in danger of developing in this thread  :hmmm:

I thought men were from Mars and women from Venus  :hmmm:

Men are from Cricklade.
Tasty women are from Malmesbury

Men are from Calne...........

<being honest>

I have never shagged any woman that I wasn't in love with. Can't do it, never will be able to. I have never had a one night stand and the thought of it just makes me cold. My mum instilled "making love" in me which is not a bad thing.

Being in love sex is the best thing ever because you mean it. And that's what it is for ultimately. Babies should be a product of love.

</being honest>

Not that I give a shit what anybody else does of course. That's not my life.

:o

:Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

Alan you are officially fucking mental sir.

Superbly quoted that man  :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick:

Tbf I sort of agree. The best sex is with someone you love. But I've only found sex bad when it's been bad sex, not for any romantic reason. 

Thanks Alan, I now have to clean sodden lumps of my coffee-dipped custard cream from my keyboard.

I got a response from Dave Russell.

I'm going to retire to Greece now and leave the Internet, Swindon and life as I knew it behind.

Huh? I've only had bad STFC matches when STFC has been bad.

Um yeah, ok, I getcha

Ells will be relieved :D

She's coming with me but she doesn't know it yet.

Rolled up in a carpet  8)

ha! Retaliatory quoting :p 

You must know what I mean. I've only thought "that was bad sex" if it was physically disappointing (I love that phraseology) rather than because of a lack of emotional connection. I've had some great sex with people I'm definitely not in love with.

I've never been to Greece..

Watch your back...

I guess you took you're philosophy from your mother....I did as well but mixed in a bit of CS and N.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5IVuN1N6-Y

Have many of you have used Viagra or similar. No fibbing now. Reg?

No, although I did unintentionally find out that tramadol does the same thing.

Um, apparently.

I have, back in my halycon days of plentiful narc consumption. As willing as the fella downstairs may be after a few pills and what not, he just is not able to stand to attention for long enough. The cocktail of recreational drugs, viagra and an eager partner make for an unforgettable night of sexy time.

I've taken it twice, both as part of a fresher challenges at Uni.

Perhaps the effects are lessened when you're shitfaced because I don't recall seeing one erection.

It doesn't force you to get a boner. It only really has any effect when you're on the job, asides from maybe an increased heartbeat rate.

You mean like watching Barry defend?

Nah....never had a problem in that department.  Alcohol does for me...

http://www.theguardian.com/science/sifting-the-evidence/2015/nov/17/sex-does-alcohol-really-make-you-better-in-bed

Me and the mrs used to do it quite regularly. My mrs used to get trails like she was high on mushrooms, although to be fair we were doing a lot of coke at the time too.

Took some in the Vic once then walked back to our yard in town. Took 90 minutes as we stopped for a bang in each alleyway en route.

Tramadol has opposite effect on me, can't even raise a smile while taking it

Watching Barry defend has a similar effect on you to Viagra? FFS, irrespective of the relative merits or otherwise of the young man's defensive capabilities, that's all different kinds of wrong :)

Seriously, the fucking thing doesn't go down when it's up!  :-[

Something to print off and show your kids one day. Yeah I'd frame it and wrap it up for Christmas.

I've recently had semen in my eye and it really hurts.

Wear glasses next time

Shouldn't pull yer pud, then

Alan?

(http://www.rspb.org.uk/Images/swallow_tcm9-18469.jpg?width=530&crop=(44,262,948,770))

Whose was it?

It was hers, she's really a bloke.

Brett from Germany?

Seconded

Having read all the as expected "banter" from fellow TEF scribes i'm going to defend you here. I have it on good authority from other females of the opposite sex an an ex of mine that getting an eyeful stings like fuck. Just be thankful guys that unless your laying on your back shooting yourself in the face is highly unlikely.

Although it's only fair to remind them that it's an indisputable fact that a face full of muck does wonder for the skin and has amazing rejuvenating qualities, taking years off a lady's appearance. This makes the minute chance of muck in the eye well worth a facial.  :)

Occasionally, when the feeling takes me; I rinse my dick in people's bathroom sinks.

Do you wipe your cock on their towel afterwards ?

Wipe with toilet roll. It's more a hygiene thing than a sexual thing. Gotta be spotlessly clean at all times.

That and I have to visit the houses of people I dislike regularly as part of my work.

Bit unfortunate that you're a Doctor.

Sometimes one has to bow to others greater experiences and wider knowledge.

It really does!
And no, I don't have a penis, it was not my own..
I don't get it :(

Swallow...?

Oh! I'm an idiot :D my ornithological skills aren't what they should be. You think I'd have spotted it in the URL though  :doh:

Is it an African or a European swallow?

Dunno, has it got a tan?

I'm British

 :hmmm:

I don't know that...aaaaarrrrggghhhh.

Time for this thread to be consigned to the dustbin.

It's not going great is it.

I don't think there is a bin here though is there? Or there'd only be about 3 threads left

There is a bin but only mods can see it. If you lot think some of these threads are a train crash you should see in the bin. It's incredible.

Are any of you at risk of being a victim of "revenge porn"?

Can you republish the bin in the lounge, just for a day or something....

Most of it is unreadable nonsense

My confession - I'm convinced I'm responsible for our now seemingly inevitable slide towards relegation. We were in the L1 play-offs when I booked our wedding, for the Saturday of the May BH in 2017 to avoid all football. We'll now almost certainly be in the L2 play-off final.

The inevitably drowns me.

That's optimistic.

Well, you need to revive this thread and post your wedding night sexual confessions then obviously

I was going to say exactly the same thing :D

But if it helps absolve any guilt PP, my bf's Dad has stopped going to games due to work. He's been to 3 this season: Bradford Home, Crewe away, and Scunthorpe the other week.
It's not Cooper who needed the sack, imo!

So... When is he due to go again

Almost certainly collapsing in a drunken heap at two in the morning after struggling to untie the iron-clad dress she'll no doubt be wearing. Racy.

Because of Uni I've only been to Southend, Crewe, Newport, Blackpool away and Scunthorpe and Burton at home. 4/6 is a pretty good record

 
He didn't go last night.

I planted that crack in his briefcase for nothing  >:(

I quite fancy having a crack planted on my briefcase  :)

Sorry...

Due to Christmas we've had more rubbish than usual and our collection has been moved to Wednesday. My wheelie bin is already bursting at the seams and I had another bag which was not going to fit. I waited till it was late and lobbed it in the neighbours bin.

Euphemism?  :sherlock:

You know that there is a free to use council tip, yes?