Thetownend.com

On the train to Dagenham on Saturday a few of us started to come up with great new Iphone apps.

I really think that, with the intellect on the tef, when harnessed productively, are capable of inventions that would have us mentioned alongside Bill Gates, James Dyson, Ben & Jerry and lots of other people I don't know who thought up shit that we never knew we needed (Until they told us we did).

My suggestion is that we use this thread to showcase our ideas, prior to going on Dragons Den (Whits has already thought up 'Dragons When', an Iphone app that tells you when Dragons Den is on the telly, so we can all watch the progress our tef brethren make).

A couple of my own:

Itug - An app to aid male masturbation.

Iflick - The female version of the Itug.

Ikill - An app that turns your phone into a high velocity snipers rifle.

I really believe we could be onto a winner here, all it takes is belief and some investment.

I'll chip in a quid towards the dream!

Iwipe - the constantly renewable sheet of toilet paper.

Iappinventor - generates automatic and clever responses to this thread.

iScore...we do need a new method of scoring  :no:

iWhinge

Iswear

Random expletive generator for those moments of uncontrolable rage when words truly fail you.

iCommentate, teaches one to successfully commentate a Swindon match

IFix - App specifically for the Pakistani cricket team.

I think mine is the only one that really plays to the strengths of the forum members.

Although surely your app would be redundant, ya cunt.

I dunno, the Itug fits quite well!

 Not at all. You must have had times when you so lost it in rage with someone that you become completely incoherent, and end up just bellowing noise at them. That's a valuable swearing opportunity wasted, and some fucker who almost certainly should have been given an earful getting away with it.

With the Iswear you get a hand crafted stream of top grade obscenity and invective at the touch of a button.... or screen.

Genius

iSore - Randomly displays horrible images

iSample - Just for Fred.

iTwat - An app which phones you regularly to make sure you're alright, provide motivational words or just to make it look like you're speaking to someone if sat alone somewhere and bored of using the spirit level app you just downloaded.

iTough - Makes you sound like BA when on the phone.

iMate - Adds 200 random names and numbers to your phone book, along with some 500 texts, emails and missed calls.

iPauld - removes iPhone OS and renders the phone useless in every respect apart from phoning and texting. Also converts all iPhones that come with 2 metres of it to Linux.


iShears?

iRon - an app to make women feel at home.

iClaudius - allows you to simulate being a puppet Roman emperor, cruelly manipulated by your evil scheming wife and mother

iwank - Just lots of porn and stuff

iRony - puts quotes round everything in your text messages

iwill-a life sentence.

iThinkThereforeIAm - Descartian philosophy neatly summarised in a quote a day app

iCan'tbeleiveitsnotbutter - Turns your phone into spread.

iWillSurvive - doesn't do much but it's very loud and screamingly camp

 :Ride On Fatbury's Lovestick: That makes me think of the Nintendo Shii (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TwE7YISY0M)

IDontfuckingbelieveit - Electronic credulity reinforcement

iHaveADream - liberates a nation (Warning: NOT suitable for use on Memphis hotel balconies)

iTwat - a must for anyone with an iPhone... including me...

iEye. Flange radar.

iPatch - pirate simulator

Brilliant.

[url width=348 height=495]http://i208.photobucket.com/albums/bb261/b3nny5tfc/4963_196951460251_549270251_7422879_7362292_n.jpg[/url]

Imsober - an app that's Sobers me up from tube journeys in deepest darkest Essex

Herthab - isleep?

itie...Italian translation app

iRene's a prostitute - Essential for Rovers fans

ipie-for fat fuckers.

Genius!

Or for those who are unable to put there's on in the morning.

iFlap - the ultimate lower-league goalkeeper training app

iKnow - an app which can give you the answer to any quiz question. Forget Wikipedia, forget Google, forget Reg Smeeton. If you want the right answer 100% of the time, you know...you need...iKnow.

iKnowitall - think you know everything? Think again! This app scans thetownend.com for posts by Talk Talk and chooses the most suitable ones to make you sound like a complete cunt whatever the topic of discussion.

ispy-a gadget for long car  journeys with the kids.

iBC - the perfect tool to counter someone using iKnowitall. Simply turn on the app, speak into your phone and it will change your voice to Adrian Chiles'. It's guaranteed to make anyone you know switch off.

iDentikit - Can't imagine what Tans looks like without fat lips? Not got a photo of Otanswell handy to really make sure? This app is for you. Simply describe the features of the person to the app and it will draw an iDentikit mock up for you.

iTortItawapuddycat - Has your cat gone missing? Find it fast! This new app will locate your missing pet to the nearest wheelie bin. Completely integrates with iDentikit, so you have as realistic artists impression of the bitch who put it in the bin. Buy iTortItawapuddycat and IDentikit today and receive iKill free of charge, perfect for exacting your revenge.

iMoan - missing shiny uplifting words from Bart or Dave, simply download iMoan...

Haha!

iCr-app - your life desperately in need of the next must have app that ultimately is a bag of shit?  iCr-app will generate an infinate number of moronic apps, simply load up and pull the chain on the screen.

iStereotype - makes you say the same boring things and make the same boring judgements about the same people, even if they are completely not true.

iTouchy

iAppologise

sorry

iBarf - Feeling unwell? Will a good old fashioned puking session do the trick? Or do you just need a tactical chunder in the pub toilet? Then this app is for you.

With iBarf you'll no longer need to use the fingers down throat method. Simply fire up the iBarf application and at the touch of a button you can trigger your gag reflex with minimal fuss.

Not to be confused with iBath, the world acclaimed pronunciation app developed in conjunction with STFC Dave.

iBuprofen, iBarf has helped you get through the first stages but you still have a headache, iBuprofen will play tranquill sounds and melodies to sooth you back to full health

iToldYouSo - For all your smug hindsight needs

Now available in the iPoons store.

I can't help thinking many of you aren't taking this seriously.

what does that one do?

I-amworthless, an app that tells you every 15 minutes that you are useless and a failure and your whole existence is totally pointless and without meaning .

Sold with the I-die, a suicide app. (Single use)

iCeandpeas - carribean cook book app

Bah, I've got the missus for that. And she can remind me of all the things I promised to do round the house that I've totally failed to do

iFil - Messages you send will never again reach their intended recipient. When you try to correct it, the app will forget what it was supposed to be doing in the first place and delete itself.

Bugger! - how did I miss this thread ?   Good work people.

At this late stage I can only offer

iDo   Wedding planning service (probably run by JFW)

Ilips. Turn your phone into a pair of bubba lips.

iKnowWhatYouDidLastSummer - Hooker kiss and tell social media app

iKea. Turns your phone into a nest of tables.

iIzWhack. Translates your text into barry style gangsta speak.

isla St Clair - tells you the scores more often than Vic Morgan

iSleOfWhite - get closer to your own family members than you ever thought possible.

iKimitator - beats up your wife so you don't have to

i-swideshut, tells you when there is a soft porn art house film on

i-knowyeahreallythatsright, automatically answers all those annoying questions she asks while you're watching something good on telly

iCon, replaces all the icons on your phone with newer, better ones each week!! Only £50 per month.

iLiberate, plays poor alternative 80's music whilst having a secret affair with boy george.

Quite an obscure app that no one under 39 will understand.  And then most still wont understand anyway.

Ha, now you're just taking the Mickey. But You'll Never Take Me Alive, Pumpkin Man

iLoveLamp - For all your lamp purchasing needs.

iMapikey - keep up to date with all the current Gillingham games.

iCunt - essential app for anyone who has any Apple product.

iNiKamoze. Just plays Here Comes the Hotstepper repeatedly.

iRan - Guide your flock of seagulls through the middle east

iGoe - app which creates pointlessly mystifying circles, with rare brilliant flashes. Tiny footprint though.

iRepent. Ideal for lapsed catholics on their deathbed.

iI. Nautical application.

IVic.

Turn your phone into a commentators microphone

iResolution.

An overly contrasted picture which shows off to your friends that all that money on a few extra pixels was money well spent, even if you're eyesight isn't good enough to really tell the difference on such a little screen.

Itie - game play app where you excel in organised crime eat spaghetti but flee at the first sign of trouble

iThoughtso   flattering app which convinces you that you are always right. Suitable for Dave.

iNev - Takes any sentence or statement and turns it into a pun.

iseedeadpeople - app that lets you chat and text ghosts.

iBelieveinathingcalledlove

Turns your singing voice into a high pitched annoying squeal.

'iNdsight might be worth a download as well.

Haven't read through them all so forgive me if it's there..

iLoan/iSign - an app for all football managers!  :)

iCrispy - adds extra shakiness to your videos.

iPredict - an app specifically designed for Gazza that unfortunately has a 99.9% fail rate on launch. Developers are currently working on an update. iCunt.

iBall - updates the status of on loan players

illbeback - Ever wanted to know what its like to be the Terminator? Download this app to find out.

illbebach - Ever wanted to know what its like to be a top composer? Download this app to find out.

illbeblack - Download this app and never go back.

iBlowTheFuckingWhistleRef... an app to end the match before the cunting opponents score the winner/equaliser in injury time

iLL - this app is sick.

iDon'tbelieveit - gives of the scent of old man and mild anger.

I thought that was iReg  :)

iCarrumba - general phrases of amazement

icunt, logs you straight into stfc world commentary

iCan'tHelpFallingInLoveWithYou

iCan'ttype - For 6 fingered Swindon fans  8)

Have your tried the iRene's a prostitute app?

Yeah it's saucy  ;D

Nom nom nom

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBRjGUg95EY&feature=player_embedded

iCanseeclearlynowtherainhasgone - emergency windscreen wipers.